H returned from a week-long beach trip with his manipulative BPD mother, and I didn't just survive, I thrived!
It helped a lot that he and I had a great week leading up to the trip. He left feeling filled up and happy and loved, so less likely to allow MIL to wedge between us. Also, I was intentional about focusing my energy on plans with my daughters while they were away.
The first day, he seemed ok, but every day after that, he became more and more tired-sounding. He said he was worn out from playing chauffeur. She complains a good deal and I imagine the negativity is draining. I'd listen and ask a question or two, then share how I and my daughters spent our day and what we were up to. (We had a great time.) My sharing seemed to take him off guard. He would get really quiet. In the past, we would both get caught up in MIL's universe. This time, attention was split between my world and theirs. What a relieving change!
When he returned, he shared that he even defended me at two points! To set the stage, MIL's cousin, who I've met once and enjoyed talking to, came after me on Facebook one day about a month ago. It was out of the blue (and out of character, from what I can tell) over a post I made about appreciating people that speak multiple languages. I and two friends responded with kindness and care. While they were at the beach, MIL asked H if I didn't
like the cousin. (Huh? lollll) He was careful, maybe more than I wish he'd been, but he said no, it had nothing to do with not liking her, that we didn't agree politically. I'll take it.
I feel stronger than I have in a long time. What we're learning here, works!
My gut tells me that MIL initiated this as a means of wedging, or securing his allegiance, strengthening their bond. He didn't have a particularly great time, and I'm not sure she did either - she looked and sounded absolutely exhausted. He said she really didn't get out much. Who knows - maybe she feels loved enough by the attention that she'll chill for a while?
