How... does it get better?

[Amp887]

Hello!

I am very grateful to have found a safe space like this.

My partner has BPD and, I imagine, as many of your relationships, when things are good they are very good. When things are bad they are very bad. He is aware of the hurt and always apologizes and says he is working on getting better and I have agreed to support him... but I am worried it won’t. It seems to be getting worse.

Does anyone here have experiences with a partner who is attending therapy and claiming to work through the exercises? How has it been going? Positive improvements? You see, we do not live together and he claims that if we blend our families it will make things much easier for him but I have told him that this idea makes me very uneasy which... well. It didn’t end well.

Thank you in advance!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pursuingJoy]

Amp887, welcome! Thanks for sharing what's going on!

I don't have experience with a partner going through therapy for BPD, so hopefully others can jump in with stories of success on that front.

Do you suspect your partner felt rejected when you explained your preference not to move in together? If so, these feelings are his, and while you can reassure him that your decision isn't rejection, it's ok to maintain your boundary. You shouldn't move in until you want to and feel completely comfortable, if and when that ever happens. 

In case it helps, I have a blended family and I can attest that most of our problems got worse when we moved in together. Doesn't mean it's not worth it, but it's really hard work. And my H has BPD traits, at most, not a full blown diagnosis. (His BPD mom is why I'm here.)

Keep us posted, Amp887!