Help IDK what to do. Wife drained accounts and is believing that I cheated.

[RestlessWanderer]

My uBPDw is lashing out and trying to F me over. She is convinced that I am lying to her and that I cheated on her. She drained our accounts and is threatening to “make me pay”. I don’t know what to do. I don’t have any idea what I can do. I feel completely powerless.
She is not listening to reason at all and feels completely justified. She believes that I am trying to screw her over.

[RestlessWanderer]

This feels like a chess game and she has been training for it for years. She is very adept at how to make all these moves to put me in checkmate. She is several moves ahead. I feel like I can only react, but now I don’t know where to move.

[globalnomad]

Hey Restless, sorry to hear this. Sounds incredibly stressful. Unfortunately I'm not sure I have any useful advice. That said, I have been through similar episodes with my wife more than once. Once she took off with the kids and I had no idea where she'd taken them. The other time she took off alone and called me from the airport. Both times she was convinced I had cheated on her and she was threatening to ruin me. What didn't work was trying to reason with her. What eventually worked was remaining zen-like and nonreactive, just listening and not saying a single thing to fuel the fire. In other words waiting for the wild storm to blow over. I don't know if this will work in your case but I hope things are better for you today. Where are things at now?

[formflier]

Sorry this is happening.

How much of your money does she have access to?  Did she take?

I don't do joint accounts anymore.  If my wife would like access to funds, she can ask...each time.

If I ever wanted access to my wife's accounts...I can ask, each time.

Is there any reason you would EVER put another dime in a joint account with her?

Best,

FF

[start_again]

I am so sorry this is happening – painful to read.  I can identify with all that is being said except for the draining of the accounts.  I also hope things are better.

[Cat Familiar]

Time to get a lawyer, whether or not you intend to get a divorce. You need to know how to proceed legally and what your rights are. So sorry she has gone down this route.

[GaGrl]

Yes. Practical matters.

Close the joint account. Open an account on your name only. Move all direct deposits to the new account. Do it agree to share an account with her -- she has shown herself to be financially untrustworthy.

[Goosey]

Agreed.
Separate account.
May not be received well  but so be it.
Calm and financially responsible is not the worst move.

[formflier]

It would help with my advice if you can quantify the number of zeros involved.

If she took 1000...or 10,000...or 100,000...or 1,000,000

The principle is the same, yet the practicalities of  recovering the money are different because you will have to pay some legal fees.

I'll 100% agree with Cat Familiar.  You need to find a lawyer to RETAIN.  Not just interview..but get him on your team.  That is different than filing an action...

Clarity:  Don't tell her you are doing this.

Also..don't create more drama...

You do need to ask for the money back...do not make threats about changes (just make the changes)..

Best,

FF