New to the group

[Rae F]

Hello,

I am reaching out for support. My husband has self-diagnosed himself with BPD and many things over the course of our 8 year marriage are making more sense now and I am having a lot of feelings and thoughts come up. Thanks

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Indigo15]

Welcome! I am new to the group as well. My husband was diagnosed through a therapist who led him to  two psychiatrists for evaluation and official diagnosis. Is your husband willing to seek professional help?

[Rae F]

Hi Indigo15,

Thank you for your reply! He is, I have actually been helping him try to find a therapist. He is currently on a waitlist at 2 places and I am waiting to hear from another therapist who practices DBT that I reached out to today. He purchased a bunch of books on BPD and also got a DBT workbook but he really needs something more immersive and with an accountability element.

[WorriedHusband]

I am very happy for you because willingness to be treated is really important.  I am sure my wife would never be treated, although I am hopeful that she will be someday. 

Welcome to the site!  I just recently joined and I have learned so much here in such a short period.  If only I had known this is what my wife had then I would have been able to deal with things differently

[Indigo15]

Good for you both! It sounds like you are taking the right steps. I highly recommend therapy for yourself. It is no easy feat being the partner of someone who has BPD. I recommend the books ‘I Hate You Don’t Leave Me’ by Kreisman and Straus and Stop Walking on Eggshells by Mason and Kreger.

[Indigo15]

@worriedhusband  Please don’t bear yourself up with the should of, could of, or would of’s... I have been there. It is not our fault. Mental Illness is not something anyone could know about until they experience it and it’s usually too late - meaning you are already in love and have already been hurt. Have you sought therapy for yourself?

[WorriedHusband]

My wife left 5 weeks ago, blocked me, and filed for divorce.  I didn’t realize she was BPD or even know what it was until I broke down and saw a Therapist last Friday.  He said there’s something I want you to see and showed me the DSM5 turned to the BPD page.  She has all 9 diagnostic criteria.  Had I only known I could have changed the way I handled things with her and could have prevented this.