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Author Topic: So I hired a Lawyer and have the Petition in hand-questions and concerns  (Read 366 times)
Serenitywithin
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 74


« on: November 17, 2020, 02:19:34 PM »

So I have posted here several time for help trying to better my relationship. I am torn on what to do. The last month there have been several of her week long cycles and my d12 and d15 have noted these.

I finally decided to hire a lawyer and I now have a pettion for dissolution in hands. I am struggling with Signing and filing it. My Lawyer and the kids Therapist believe I need to file for full custody with supervised visitation. If I do go ahead and File this she is going to be caught offguard and either be destroyed or go on a war path. I am tryign to Figure otu if I wait till after holidays or not. Tharapist and Pastor said might not be able to do that. My mom who I know wants to seeme and the kids get out from under her controll has said that maybe with all of us goign to0 therapy will help her see her part in it and get some help.

She is one of her up cycles currently aND AFTER not talking to me for the last week or so has went into full lets have sex constantly mode and being nice constantly mode. Last week though before she got upset at me I tried to have a small conversation with her about the kids asking to go to my moms house. She started getting aggitatted that they even asked and I said to her this is why they ask me and they are scared to ask you . I said I know that we have only had this conversation after a fight or what have you, but I said I am in therapy and daughters are in therapy. I said I would feel alot better if you would go and see someone as well. I said your still not over some of your anger and bad feeling towards the girls. I said we are all in therapy and we are tryign to deal with our feelings and it would be a good idea if you could do the same. She said I dont need help and the girls' dont want to go places with me or be around me because you and every other adult in their lives are telling them not to spend time with me ? I was totally taken aback because the girls are the ones coming to us and telling us how they feel and we are trying to explain away some of the things that are going on and that how they feel is OK and that they don't have to worry about Mom's feelings and that those are not their fault.

I am a bit worried now because D12 is asking me when I am going to do something about all of this and that mom is not trying to get help so when is it gonna change. The D15 is now saying after years of saying she does not want to be around her mom that she is afraid mom will do something stupid if we end up having to leave and take D3 with us. So now she is telling my mom and me that if Dad ends up actually doing anything about this and leaves I am gonna need to stay with mom at least as much as I do with Dad to keep her from getting worse or doing something stupid. So now she is turnign a 180 on not wanting to be with mom and is takign the responsibility of moms health on her own shoulders. I am hoping that tomorrow the Girls will go to the same therapist and that maybe she can help D15 realize that she is not responsible for mom.

I am so scared about how this whole thing will shake out. When wife gets served papers and it shows divorce and full custody and a petition for her to get a psych eval she is going to flip out.
I am hoping that while there is no other conversations in the negative going on that I can Maybe get her aside with no kids to have the conversation one more time about her finding some help but I also think it would end up being like it was last year where she says she will go so I dont leave and then quit after 6 sessions.
I am not going to give her an ultimatum, because I dont want her to go because she is forced but I want to help her understand the dynamic... But I also know I have tried this over and over and it has never worked.
I know that I have to do this for the best interest of my kids, but it seems so hard to follow through on it. I have made a lot of progress in getting the lawyer and actually having the paper work created. I plan to go sign the paperwork tomorrow and then I will be just waiting to tell the Lawyer to go and file. I also know that fear is a great inhibitor and am tryign to make sure that each step I take now is for the right reasons. and I am tryign to do things at the right time. I really want her to just get some help but I believe I am holding out false hope and that is the only reason things are not  already further along. I am  trying to give her every last chance to see the things she is doing and realize she needs some help.

God I hate this. I feel like I need to start the detaching process and just file but her whole family all with their own issues are all very sick this week with covid in ICU or a couple in the hospital. so Thanksgiving at her family is already cancelled and getting this kind of new when the one place she might go if we seperate is in quarantine seems cruel. But I also know there is no good time to do this.

Jsut looking for advise from people who have followed through that also have kids.

Thanks everyone.
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Serenitywithin
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 74


« Reply #1 on: November 18, 2020, 09:48:42 AM »

So I was supposed to go sign the paperwork today with the Lawyer. Not file just sign so it is ready to file when I pull the trigger. I have been trying to figure out if File now or wait for holidays. I was thinking I was going to have another conversation with her this week about kids in therapy and seeing if there is any interest in her going again or not. To gauge if there is any self reflection or if it is a lost cause to keep trying to get her into therapy.

I and the Girls have an appointment today with Therapist I plan to discuss this with mine on the timing as it got complicated last night. Wife's Grandpa and Grandma who basically raised her both have Covid and GPA has been in hospital since Saturday. He passed last night and she was very upset because everyone in their home has Covid so she could not go over there to console her grandma.

She seems very rocked. This is going to stress her to the max and they had already cancelled thanksgiving at her families house because everyone in the family has covid. Now there is going to have to be a funeral in the next week where everyone will be sick. I am afraid this will be a very bad time for her and now I am trying to decide to serve her or not? The kids are not super upset as they have never been close to her family, but they were upset for her last night when we told them because she is soo upset.

Hoping the counselor today can guide me in should I wait or not.

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B53
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 326


« Reply #2 on: November 18, 2020, 09:12:36 PM »

Good luck! You are in a tough place.
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