I am living a nightmare.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

It started off amazing. She was so special. 2 years later she showed another side of her. After our weddding we had an up and down relationship for 3 years. It should have ended in 2017-2018. It continued. Covid made it worse. She threatened my son that if he comes to our home she would divorce his dad.When he came she left for an enire week. Did not even call me on my 60th birthday. She continued to come up with all kinds of arguments about stuff that was just ridiculous. Therapist told us that I did the work and she only went thru the motions. In the end it was another big fight. She went to record me without my permission. I picked up the phone to delete the recording. She physically attacks me, beats me up, pulls my hair in order to get her phone. I than pushed her off and she stumbled and her head hit the wall. She called the cops. I got arrested for a battery. She was the primary aggressor. I than got hit with a restraining order. I filed for divorce shortly after. This has been a nightmare. It is taking a long time to get over her. She obviously has BPD. I was abused verbally, emotionally and physically.
Any insight on this can surely help.

[dishguy]

It started off amazing. She was so special. 2 years later she showed another side of her. After our weddding we had an up and down relationship for 3 years. It should have ended in 2017-2018. It continued. Covid made it worse. She threatened my son that if he comes to our home she would divorce his dad.When he came she left for an enire week. Did not even call me on my 60th birthday. She continued to come up with all kinds of arguments about stuff that was just ridiculous. Therapist told us that I did the work and she only went thru the motions. In the end it was another big fight. She went to record me without my permission. I picked up the phone to delete the recording. She physically attacks me, beats me up, pulls my hair in order to get her phone. I than pushed her off and she stumbled and her head hit the wall. She called the cops. I got arrested for a battery. She was the primary aggressor. I than got hit with a restraining order. I filed for divorce shortly after. This has been a nightmare. It is taking a long time to get over her. She obviously has BPD. I was abused verbally, emotionally and physically.
Any insight on this can surely help.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey dish guy, Welcome!  Your story, sad to say, is quite familiar, so you are not alone.  Many of us have been in your shoes and can help you through it.  Fill us in a little more when you can.  The first step, in my view, is to return the focus to yourself, to you and your needs.  Put yourself first for a change.  Get back to being who you are at your core.  Be kind and compassionate to yourself.  You've been through an ordeal, so give yourself a break.  Feel free to ask any particular questions.

LuckyJim

[dishguy]

Yes.Thanks for the quick reply. I just can not believe that the first 2 years were amazing, After we got engaged, than we discussed the PRE NUP, She went crazy. She was insulted and since than I  started to see another side to her. On and off fights about nonsense. She is a lawyer and she would always use her courtroom language and try to just be right. Her version of the disagreements were the only version, calling me stupid and would criticise me during the disagreements. I am having a tuff time trying to wrap my head around this entire mess.
How a human being who I believed was my soulmate can just abruptly have a stupid disagreement and than physically beat me up , than call the cops, than files a restraining order. My entire team believes that the restraining order was for the best. This way I can not have a week moment and reach out to her. So I am trying to forget about her but it is extremely hard. I know that in a few months it will get a little easier. Once she is replaced than I will start to really move on from this nightmare.

[B53]

Sorry you are going through this. It’s hard, that’s why there are so many people on this site.if you start reading more about BPD, you’ll understand it a little better. Also start  reading some of the post, you’ll find you’re not alone.

[Nowisthetime1]

DishGuy,

Hey man we all can relate to you in some way about being in a relationship like this. You’re not alone man. For now focus on you by getting the help you need. You’ve learned from this ordeal and by working on yourself the probability of it happening again are greatly reduced.

[missymoo]

If you had a big jug if poison, you would drag it to the curb.
Yet when you are living with someone who is poison, you can't stand the thought of living without them.
Place a jug of bleach at your curb now.
Every time you doubt yourself, look out the window.
The poison never comes back into the house.
No more danger to you.
Same with people. Some people are just poison, and they will only hurt you.
missymoo

[Scarletlavender]

God I want to believe he can get better.  I really believe that he wants to, but I also think that he’s just going through the motions in treatment.  He has less to risk than me and no consequences for his behavior.  Anyone have any examples of it getting better rather than having to put him on the curb?