Interviewing Lawyers and Cost: Any Advice Welcome

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Several people have posted on how they interviewed several lawyers before deciding on one to take their case. Did you have to pay the lawyer for the initial interview and how much time did you spend talking to each lawyer? Can you share about your experiences and advice on interviewing lawyers? How did you find the lawyer you eventually decided to hire? How did you know what questions to ask?

[zachira]

Several people have posted on how they interviewed several lawyers before deciding on one to take their case. Did you have to pay the lawyer for the initial interview and how much time did you spend talking to each lawyer? Can you share about your experiences and advice on interviewing lawyers? How did you find the lawyer you eventually decided to hire? How did you know what questions to ask?

[MeandThee29]

Yes, I interviewed five. I always recommend reading their Facebook and firm blogs to see what the culture of the firm is like and what issues they seem to focus on. If they are primarily talking about high-value divorce, handling stock options, etc. etc. that may not be the firm for you if you are a teacher with limited assets.

For two, there was some prescreening by their paralegal/legal assistant, and then they emailed me information and set up a free 30 minute appointment.

Two did a reduced-rate appointment for an hour. Similar process of prescreening, information emailed, but I paid the fee and then set up the appointment.

The last one was full rate for my choice after prescreening. I chose 30 minutes versus an hour.

I actually picked one of the free ones, but I had also attended a face-to-face seminar in their office and met the attorneys and the office manager.

I asked a lot of questions about their typical client, what percentage of their clients were similar to me, if they had experience with high conflict personalities, what percentage of their cases went to trial/mediation/collaboration, how often where their cases appealed, how did they work to keep costs down, what their strengths/weaknesses were, etc.

I was very happy with the one I picked. He was expensive, but very efficient and delegated appropriately to his associate and a paralegal. He had a very pleasant, calm personality. One of my concerns was the attorney my ex picked (a "let's ask for the moon, throw mud, and fight like a pitbull" type). Mine actually laughed and said he loves a good fight and got very good settlements when he was against that attorney. Some of the others seemed very nervous.

And he did get me a good, out-of-court settlement. We threatened court after months of drama, and they signed.

[GaGrl]

Is this for real estate and estate settlement?

[MeandThee29]

Yes, I interviewed five. I always recommend reading their Facebook and firm blogs to see what the culture of the firm is like and what issues they seem to focus on. If they are primarily talking about high-value divorce, handling stock options, etc. etc. that may not be the firm for you if you are a teacher with limited assets. I recommend picking someone who primarily does divorce.

For two, there was some prescreening by their paralegal/legal assistant, and then they emailed me information and set up a free 30 minute appointment.

Two did a reduced-rate appointment for an hour. Similar process of prescreening, information emailed, but I paid the fee and then set up the appointment.

The last one was full rate for my choice after prescreening. I chose 30 minutes versus an hour.

I actually picked one of the free ones, but I had also attended a face-to-face seminar in their office and met the attorneys and the office manager.

I asked a lot of questions about their typical client, what percentage of their clients were similar to me, if they had experience with high conflict personalities, what percentage of their cases went to trial/mediation/collaboration, how often where their cases appealed, how did they work to keep costs down, what their strengths/weaknesses were, etc.

I was very happy with the one I picked. He was expensive, but very efficient and delegated appropriately to his associate and a paralegal. He had a very pleasant, calm personality. One of my concerns was the attorney my ex picked (a "let's ask for the moon, throw mud, and fight like a pitbull" type). Mine actually laughed and said he loves a good fight and got very good settlements when he was against that attorney. Some of the others seemed very nervous.

And he did get me a good, out-of-court settlement. We threatened court after months of drama, and they signed.

[zachira]

MeandThee29,
Thank you for your thorough reply and excellent list of suggestions. I will use these in my search for the right kind of lawyer. Did you ever find a lawyer that knew anything about personality disorders, particularly BPD and NPD, or was familiar with Bill Eddy's recommendations for working with high conflict people?

GaGrl,
Yes, same as before. This board has helped me a lot which I really appreciate. Though my challenges involve working with a lawyer or lawyers that specialize in settling estates and property division, I find much of what is shared here applies to finding a good lawyer and getting the most desirable results. I will have to work with a lawyer or lawyers from a different state than the one I reside in. I now have the names of three reputable lawyers who can recommend lawyers to interview. Thank you for all your help. You have replied many times to my posts.

[MeandThee29]

MeandThee29,
Thank you for your thorough reply and excellent list of suggestions. I will use these in my search for the right kind of lawyer. Did you ever find a lawyer that knew anything about personality disorders, particularly BPD and NPD, or was familiar with Bill Eddy's recommendations for working with high conflict people? .

Yes, he founded and managed a firm focused on high conflict divorce. He was also just a superb attorney. At the beginning, he spent several appointments laboriously going over everything in great detail, asking deep, probing questions. I was very intimidated at first, but he completely got the case.

Some months in, he called me on the way to court and excitedly told me that he found what he called "the wedge" in a phone call with my ex's attorney. And some months after that, we got it settled because of "the wedge." He retired and closed the firm, sending my case with his associate to a new firm.

[zachira]

MeandThee29,
So basically I need to find an attorney/attorneys who understand how to win cases with high conflict people. You are saying here what I have heard said in similar ways, that it is a question of finding what will make the opposing side settle, the sooner the better. Glad your attorney found "the wedge" and you settled out of court. I also like your question about asking how to do the case to keep the costs down. Thank you for your very helpful feedback.

[GaGrl]

Great, Zachira. It may be helpful in asking about high-conflict cases, to ask questions like,

"Can you give me a couple of examples of high conflict cases that you handled -- what was the conflict, and what strategy did you use to resolve it? "

"When have you worked with a high conflict case person that you suspected had emotional or psychological issues? How did that affect the case, and how did you work with that situation?"

The answers to those kinds of questions should give specific insight on the kind of high conflict situations they have encountered.

[zachira]

GaGrl,
Great questions! I will use those for sure. Thank you!

[Breakingfree9]

I, sort of, flipped this around. I read Randi Kreger's book and another about divorcing a BPD (don't recall the author).

From that, I decided what characteristics I wanted in an attorney. I wanted a female because I knew my uBPDxw would claim a male attorney was "a misogynist". I knew I wanted someone tough with a high emotional intelligence. When I told her my story, I wanted her to not bat an eye. Finally, I said, "I want the best deal I can get the first time around. I never want to see a family court judge again." She agreed.
I knew she was the right attorney when she called me out on some BS during a difficult time. I checked myself and said, "thank you. This is why I hired you."

[kells76]

Really great suggestions, Breakingfree9. My DH's xW sounds a lot like yours  lots of throwing around assertions that he is "patriarchal", yay. That's smart to build a picture of the L you need based on known characteristics of the disordered person.

Was the other book you read "Splitting" by Bill Eddy, by any chance?

[Breakingfree9]

Really great suggestions, Breakingfree9. My DH's xW sounds a lot like yours  lots of throwing around assertions that he is "patriarchal", yay. That's smart to build a picture of the L you need based on known characteristics of the disordered person.

Was the other book you read "Splitting" by Bill Eddy, by any chance?

YES! I believe that was it. I remember a lot of aha(!) moments reading that book.

[scraps66]

I went through three lawyers and the one that did the bulk of my work ended up taking advantage of me and stretching out my case for profit.

When I first landed on these boards, one guy who was a pro se litigant suggested going to court and observing.  This was his recommendation after spending his first day in court representing himself, that if he were looking for an attorney he would go to court and watch cases to get a better idea.

I wish I had done this.   

[formflier]

Hey, please confirm this is for the jointly held real estate.

If it is, I don't think I would over-complicate it by trying to find a "high conflict resolution" person for 1 legal issue.

A "high conflict" specialist is helpful to solve a divorce and while many will see a "divorce" as 1 issue, it is usually several issues.  custody, split up real estate, split up cars, split up retirement, split up (fill in the blank)

I'm not suggesting that splitting up 1 piece of real estate held with a disordered person will be easy, but I would advise that "legally" you have one issue to solve and "legally" that is relatively easy to solve if push comes to shove.

So, I would tend to ask more questions about how many "partition lawsuits" they have done (and how they turned out), than the particulars of whether or not the people are "high conflict".

If you can find people that can do both..great.

Look at it this way.  If an attorney takes it to the end and a judge forces sale of the property, is it safe to assume there was "high conflict" involved between the owners?

 

Wishing you well in solving this.

Best,

FF