Moving forward

[Zabava]

Hi all,

It's been awhile since I posted here.  I need some advice about dealing with my feelings...I had a zoom call with extended family on Boxing Day, which was nice, but also triggering.  Due to covid I have not seen my ubpd sister or mom for a year.  I have missed them but also I have grown as a person (judge away!)

Anyway, I grew up with an abusive mother and parents who were violent to each other...my extended family did nothing to help us...they knew, they saw and we told them...I am angry and upset to see them reminiscing about Christmases past...

Can anyone relate to extended family denial?

[Kwamina]

Hi Zabava,

Wishing you a Happy New Year

Seeing your extended family om Boxing Day, albeit virtually, was quite triggering for you. How are you feeling now?

I am glad to read you have grown as a person What are the most significant improvements or changes you have noticed in yourself?

Extended family can be difficult. On the one hand, it sometimes might seem that they don't get to see everything that we get to experience of our BPD family-members, but on the other hand sometimes they do as in your case. When you look at past conversations with them when you told them about your abusive uBPD mom and the violence between your parents, how did your extended family react? Did they acknowledge your experience at all?

The Board Parrot

[Zabava]

You are very kind to reply Kwamina.  I have grown because I have only had my kids and husband to rely on and I realized how much they care.  I have also had time to forgive my mother and sister and appreciate our virtual time together.  At the same time, I have found great fulfillment and joy from my job as an education worker in a kindergarten class.  It's been scary at times and challenging with covid protocols, but the kids are inspirational.   They are so adaptable and so happy to be at school...and I feel genuinely useful and appreciated.

As for the extended family...I feel that they turned a blind eye...they all knew.  My sister and I told them and asked for help...to no avail.  I think they were afraid and embarassed by my parent's behaviour.