Anger

[Uptohere]

 :help:Menopausal BPD wife cannot control her rage and will not do therapy or admit that she is BPD

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

Can you tell us more about the issues you’ve been experiencing with her?

[PearlsBefore]

Rather than focusing on getting her to admit she has BPD, it's often more healthful for her (and you!) to focus on getting her to acknowledge first the problematic symptoms of her life such as, let's say being so frustrated that she starts self-harming, and then getting her to acknowledge which emotional responses have led her to that place, say, anger, jealousy, despair or a need for validation.

A lot of BPD caretakers, even when their BPD loved one has an official diagnosis of BPD, will go months, years, or their entire lifetime not uttering the phrase "BPD" to their loved one because it triggers an automatic, and somewhat understandable, defensiveness to the idea of being defined by a disease.

So if you make a list of five of the troubling behaviors, and you can get her to acknowledge and work on improving one or two of them right now - without mentioning BPD - that might prove the easiest route forward.

You can also look into DBT communication tips for loved ones of BPD patients (Marsha Linehan on Youtube has many long videos), which might help you be able to communicate to her without it triggering theatrical fits nearly as often.