So Hi I need help and am writing on this board because I've been trying to get knowledge of my second ex. I'm a lesbian and my second may have:
udbpd.
I'm here because I wanted to make things better but not sure what I should do anymore if anything at all.
I'm confused and hurt.
I'm giving the story of what happened between her and I the last time before I went no contact with her in full context.
Well I was supposed to go to Colorado two weeks ago but she renigged on her agreement because we had a dispute a few days before. Shes done this before where she had renigged about me going to see her. I live in Minnesota.
But after I felt hurt offended by her telling me that I needed to take a shuttle or get a flight to springs from what happened with her taking me to the airport the last time she renigged. And we had an argument.
So from that I came there unannounced as now she was telling me that I couldn't come now and she didn't know when she wanted to see me.
I took a leap of faith and went to Colorado because a few devastating things had happened to me. I fell downstairs at the home Im living in and my doctors told me they are running out of options to help me with my health problems. These are very serious issues for me and I desperately wanted to tell her them in person.
I thought because I was there we could work something out. But as no surprise she was mad and upset that I came without telling her. But in reality I meant no harm even if she told me not to come. Because on various occasions after a dispute when I went away for the holiday she went cold and often times telling me its not a good time for me to come back. Shes been able to have power over me by telling me when I could and couldn't come back usually on her terms especially if we had an argument.
So as suspected when I got to the airport. She said I was being manipulative by coming because I knew if I told she acted just as before and tell me now isn't the right time to come.
But I wasn't I just wanted to see her again. I brought a bouquet of flowers with me symbolizing that I meant no harm at all.
I called her when I was at the airport telling her I was there and again she was mad and upset.
I called for an Uber to her apartment because the snow was bad in Colorado and she had hit black ice on her car earlier that day. So she didn't come get me.
Her daughter let me into the apartment complex. And asked me what was wrong. She was surprised to see me obviously.
So I stayed downstairs for a while. And when I went upstairs to the apartment after a long talk with my first ex girlfriend. I stood in the hall inside of her apartment and for the most part she was angry and ignored me. I tried to talk in an even tone not getting any more or less upset with her too. And when I tried to talk to her after she had closed the door to her room. I had to talk to her with the door shut. I didn't raise my voice I just tried to talk to her rationally.
I was there for about 5 days before I left and packed up all my stuff I still had remaining at her apartment. At first I did come there for my stuff but it was just stuff. It wasn't really that important because I mainly wanted to talk to her. But I took my stuff back because she did have power over me and I took that away.
All the while I was there she kept making me feeling bad for coming there unannounced. I kept apologizing but it meant nothing. I meant my apology too. I cried some times because it hurt so bad.
After a while we had a few good days where we talked normally without her being dysregulated. But she still harped on me coming there unannounced.
On one of the days I was there we had a pretty good day for the most part...until I told her that I didn't buy a ticket. I didn't buy a ticket yet because I was hoping something could have worked out since we had a good day that day. But on the first night I was there I had told her a possible flight I could take back home I never told that I was going to buy it.
So she after I told that I didn't have a ticket she raged telling me that I lied her and that I should have just bought a ticket. But I told her the reasons why I didn't yet. And I had 4 days to do it before I left. This was on Monday I believe. But she kept yelling me and it was scary. I felt like she was a monster and it felt horrible and awful. I tried to get her to talk to me and I was crying because I felt so bad and hurt. I tried to pull her by me to look at me and talk to me but she kept saying things like get away from me don't touch me. I don't want to talk but I did. I didn't know that this meant she wanted space as I didn't understand what she wanted.
And then I was still in her space because I couldn't understand why she didn't want to talk to me. And she fell on a chair. I was sitting on the floor and she was on the bed.
She then she blows up my first ex's phone at 2:46 am saying that I'm yelling at her and trying to pick a fight with her. And my first ex types thanks for
PLEASE READing waking me up. You have 4 days to get one. She then tells me ex
PLEASE READ you. And after a while after her side of the story my first ex tries to call me and I told her what really happened which is what I am sharing here. The only time I raised my voice at her during that last and damaging argument was when I lost it once from her still making me feel bad for not getting a ticket and finally yelled at her back.
I've since went no contact because I can't take the abuse anymore. But I loved her and only realized how unwell and mentally ill she is.
She had for the last 5 days blew up my phone with messages. And since yesterday the 20th and now today she's stopped messaging me. I only stopped messaging her because I couldn't take that abuse when she raged at me anymore. Shes tried to guilt me into taking to her for the last 5 days since I left for otherwise good. She justified herself getting angry at me and said you know why I got angry. But nothing is ever her fault and so now is the time where I'll reveal the text conversations.
Friday January 15th 2021:
Ok goodnight then meejoo 1:24 pm
I do not understand 4:46 pm
Doesn't look like you want to even let me know if your ok or not.. that's unfortunate... I keep asking if you have made it back as I've had no response as to your status... I find it completely rude to not let me know how you are and no contact of your safety is concerning to me... the least you could do is text that you made it back but that did not happen. Its very hurtful to me because I want to know if you made it safely back
But instead I know nothing of your status. And this is very hurtful to me 11:16 am
I will send you loving thoughts 12:52 pm
Sorry you are feeling so sad that you cant respond to me 1:21 pm
Your words do not match your behavior... as it is not something that a person does that cares for someone to not let them know if they made it home after a trip... you dont respond to my concern about you.. this shows me there is a lack of care about me... so your words do not match with your behavior. 2:44 pm
Well I cant convince you to respond... sad feeling here that you cant even let me know you made it... hurts 3:05 pm
Why it hurts may not be of any concern to you because you have your own feelings to deal with... therefore my feelings and concern for you is not part of your concern
Saturday January 16th 2021:
You are doing to me that which you hate people to do to you... not responding is a response you know 10:53 am
Sunday January 17th 2021:
Thanks a lot... if you would have even had any concern for me you would have told me at the very least that you you made it ok I would have never messaged malina this message
Can you pls tell me if meejoo made it there ok.. she's not speaking or responding to any calls or texts. Thank you
But no 11:13 am
You refuse to even message me if your ok 11:14 am
No concern for how I care about you has been shown
And it is you who created this entire thing 11:15 am
If you dont respond to me then you protect yourself from getting hurt and you can show you care nothing for me... that you are having to much problems to even tell me you are ok or not 11:16 am
You read non of my messages
You are being a bitch and so is malina
Cruel and mean
You created all of this
PLEASE READ 11:17 am
Well good you are now punishing me for even expressing that I have any boundaries
Well hope your happy hurting me
Both of you hurt me 11:18 am
And neither one of you give a
PLEASE READ about it either
Bitch 11:19 am
It's ok this is what you choose to do to me... it's how it is ... 12:57 pm
Done begging you 2:56 pm
Goodbye meejoo kong 3:30 pm
Sends photo of herself at 3:31 pm
Jesus christ you are not even talking to me
Leave me wondering how you are
I would not do that to you 3:45 pm
But this is what you decide to do 3:46 pm
Obviously you are not ok 3:53 pm
Very hard to function after all has happened 4:05 pm
What do you give a
PLEASE READ if I run a red light 4:07 pm
Nothing matters to you but doing to me what others did to you 4:08 pm
You don't care about me or you would not be doing this
You cant be my friend
That's your problem 4:09 pm
Doesn't matter what I say you cant handle taking to me 4:11 pm
So convenient to do to me that which you hate done to you 4:12 pm
Sorry I keep texting you
Its futile to keep texting you
Good luck 4:25 pm
I never knew this was coming
That you would end up treating me like trash 5:17 pm
Monday January 18th 2021:
Just saw a cute show about 2 girls... good friends...
Its was very cute 3:08 am
I suppose I'm just talking to myself when I text you 8:31 am
Goodmorning 1:15 pm
Good afternoon
May you be blessed with some kind of peace 1:17 pm
Threw my heart away today
Sucks you won't talk to me 3:04 pm
You know how this feels and yet you do it anyway
That's the sad part 3:05 pm
Nothing matters what I say just like those people that stopped talking to you... same exact thing
Didnt need to end like this 3:18 pm
Sad that this has happened
We have been friends for a very long time
And it's sad you are choosing to throw it away 3:25 pm
I would never completely ignore you like this
Well have a nice day then 3:26 pm
Are you enjoying watching me grovel 3:27 pm
It's really sad how I ended up getting cursed by malina and that was totally uncalled for. I dont deserve what you are doing and I never deserved malina to tell me
PLEASE READ you for waking her up... 3:30 pm
It's ok malina has been there to support you and has your back
Its sad after all that has gone on you have decided not to communicate anymore 3:32 pm
Leave me In a position others have done to you
Sick 3:33 pm
I am having a very hard time with this
As I should
Shows no value for me whatever 3:34 pm
You left one sandle and a boot and the white shiny dress I gave you
Lucky for me I'm alive but feeling very down from all this
And of course you of all people know how it feels 3:36 pm
Well you know its quite sad that now all I'm getting is punished by you because I didnt do what you wanted 3:37 pm
I had hoped we could remain friends but that's not something you want
So keep punishing me by not responding 3:38 pm
Every day is sad 3:39 pm
Last time I heard your voice you let me know you where atleast on the plane
It's been 4 days now and never once has anyone cared to let me know you made it ok 3:41 pm
I'm sure you are sad
And you have ensured that I would be saddened by your non response
Good job meejoo 3:41 pm
It's like taking to the wind
Dont know if you even get any messages 3:42 pm
Atleast malina send her bitch message that I needed to contact you. But ofcourse you dont respond
So hope you are ok 3:43 pm
But if you cant even let me know you are ok then that says a lot about YOU
Would you just not talk to malina for 4 days
Not even letting her know if you made it or if you are ok 3:44 pm
You obviously are not ok
This is well thought out behavior .. to completely not talk to me
So you will have to live with that
You clearly planned out never contacting or seeing me again 8:40 pm
You are not impulsive... you planned to come on Saturday and stay. You could not give me time for my grief about buddy nor allow me to process trauma issues. 8:41 pm
It is clear that you where having some serious problems...
You came and personality talked to me 8:42 pm
Why did we even film at all if you where going to ghost me like this?
And malina never had any regard for me... she did everything you wanted ... and she has proven her love for you time and time again by ensuring you always got what you wanted 8:45 pm
This is unacceptable that I ended up being cursed at by her... and that neither you or her gave a
PLEASE READ about letting me at the very least let me know how you are doing 8:46 pm
You planned on this and so just do to me what others have done to you 8:47 pm
You will have no problem living with that as it's been 4 days of nothing from you
Not even saying I made it
This is cruel
And I blame you both for it 8:48 pm
Never mind about looking at what has happened... I'm going to focus on why I allowed you to keep breaking my boundaries over and over in the first place... I am being punished for setting boundaries and stating what I needed but I was involved with you. Someone who disregarded my needs ... and so if you want to continue with this silent treatment that's on you... I have a right to take time I need ... so I had to stand up for what I had been telling you all along... I had no right to any boundaries with you and I have no value because you and malina failed to let me know you made it back ok... I have a right to not allow anyone to tell me
PLEASE READ you. And I have a right to how I feel and you knew I cared what happened to you cus I told you before you left that I understood why you might just come in spite of what I was stating to you... 10:31 pm
Problem is I'm addicted to her...
I found something off the internet that explains much of what I had went through with her:
You will feel like you have known them for years from the beginning, the conversation will be so casual and effortless that you will feel an immediate attraction to them. They will be sexy, charming, carefree, great in bed/sexually open to almost any of your desires/fantasies and very open with discussing their past, usually telling you about all the trauma they have endured and playing the victim. These behaviors will only increase your attraction. The amazing sex and strong emotional attachment will cause you to fall for them fast, thinking the relationship is perfect. Your sexual/emotional/ego needs will be met at a 10/10. They will begin to sense this and exploit it over tim time. They will push your boundaries to see how you react and take mental notes. They will begin to triangulate, often trying to make you jealous with other men, whether exes who are just friends or all the new guys hitting on them through social media. They will constantly give you attention and seek it in return and text you constantly, usually first. Then they will go cold for a few days, either to
PLEASE READ with your head or because they are talking to other men because they are bored or getting too attached and are setting up new supply or revisiting old supply. You will start to get annoyed, but let it go once they start contacting you again. This is very very similar to drug addiction (I am a recovering alcoholic/addict with many years sober). The chaos of this relationship will appeal to you in a way that is exciting and fun at first, then maddening and painful the next.
I've been trying to heal and get help for myself by reading stuff.
I'm just sad heartbroken and totally confused.
Don't know how much abuse I can take.
I'm only doing no contact to help keep myself sane right now while I process what I went through.
But I really loved her. Its so hard.
Please help.
