Help I do love him

[Depression = 72% of members]

 Hello
I would like some advice my partner has bpd and unsociable personality disorder.
We have 4 kids and a hectic life
We have overcome alot of issues since being together. We have been together 7 years but the arguments keep getting worse and out of hand. I have read about bpd and how to support but i can't always register how to react as I'm always doing something with the kids or house and the books don't help as it's not realistic in how to respond when a situation happens because there are kids involved.
We have spoke loads about it and we do love each other but I can't handle certain things he does and how he sais it and he sais its my sarcasm that doesn't help him.
I know I shouldn't make comments when I'm annoyed but I also have post traumatic stress disorder and on medication for this so not only deal with my own issues but feel like I have to be careful as his moods can switch so easily.
My partners mum doesn't help as she just sais I need to help him and I'm made out to be the one who is the bad person.
It seems so silly but it's like small things like helping with daily tasks he can't do but if it's for him he can such as not our laundry but can do his own , if it's something I want to do it can be questioned but not an option if it's for him.
He has recently decided to do volunteering at a zoo and do a course which he didn't see why he should be deprived of doing something he wants to do but when I had previously said about doing my nvq it was not practical with the kids, earnings.
He's not affectionate on a normal basis not even to the kids but he can be.
When he is in drink he is worse but he said he can't stop drinking.
There is alot that happened in the past when he apparently had cheated met with ex and done drugs with other people. He used to walk out the house not answer his calls and rock up at 3 am banging to be let in and that was no issue. Because of the past I find it hard to trust him although he said he has changed certain aspects haven't and if he doesn't answer I think the worst as he has been arrested a few times.
He sais I need to get over the past but I find it hard.
He has admitted he can be manipulating but not to the ones he loves. But sometimes I do feel like if I do not have the same opinion then I'm wrong, if I don't agree then I get the silent treatment. He can be very ignorant but this is apparently his way of blocking out.
But then it goes back on me that I'm controlling manipulating. But the things I do is because he hurts or annoys me I do something to annoy him like he has me. But I know that don't make it right but then what I do is ten times worse.
I don't like when he flips out and he makes threats and I have told him I worry he would head but me. He assures me he would never lay a finger on me and he doesn't mean what he sais but its hard not to throw back comments when he does this.
He makes remarks to the kids like I shouldn't have kids, I hate kids and I hate little things hr does and said but if u mention it he then blanks me.
God I could go on for ages with things to get opinions and ways to deal with things but I think there's enough for some help on if I'm wrong / what to change/ for me and him
Are we better off splitting up? Or has anyone got any ideas on how to put the past behind and help through the daily struggles when dealing with these mental health issues.
I do love him, he wants to be back to the funny loving person he once was but since he has acknowledged his mental health issues and starting to depick them he's continuously working on this in his head.
But I feel so empty, isolated and half the time like I'm the one in the wrong and then I question myself and think no, and now I really don't know
Please some advice.

Thank you

[Tsc]

 Hello
I would like some advice my partner has bpd and unsociable personality disorder.
We have 4 kids and a hectic life
We have overcome alot of issues since being together. We have been together 7 years but the arguments keep getting worse and out of hand. I have read about bpd and how to support but i can't always register how to react as I'm always doing something with the kids or house and the books don't help as it's not realistic in how to respond when a situation happens because there are kids involved.
We have spoke loads about it and we do love each other but I can't handle certain things he does and how he sais it and he sais its my sarcasm that doesn't help him.
I know I shouldn't make comments when I'm annoyed but I also have post traumatic stress disorder and on medication for this so not only deal with my own issues but feel like I have to be careful as his moods can switch so easily.
My partners mum doesn't help as she just sais I need to help him and I'm made out to be the one who is the bad person.
It seems so silly but it's like small things like helping with daily tasks he can't do but if it's for him he can such as not our laundry but can do his own , if it's something I want to do it can be questioned but not an option if it's for him.
He has recently decided to do volunteering at a zoo and do a course which he didn't see why he should be deprived of doing something he wants to do but when I had previously said about doing my nvq it was not practical with the kids, earnings.
He's not affectionate on a normal basis not even to the kids but he can be.
When he is in drink he is worse but he said he can't stop drinking.
There is alot that happened in the past when he apparently had cheated met with ex and done drugs with other people. He used to walk out the house not answer his calls and rock up at 3 am banging to be let in and that was no issue. Because of the past I find it hard to trust him although he said he has changed certain aspects haven't and if he doesn't answer I think the worst as he has been arrested a few times.
He sais I need to get over the past but I find it hard.
He has admitted he can be manipulating but not to the ones he loves. But sometimes I do feel like if I do not have the same opinion then I'm wrong, if I don't agree then I get the silent treatment. He can be very ignorant but this is apparently his way of blocking out.
But then it goes back on me that I'm controlling manipulating. But the things I do is because he hurts or annoys me I do something to annoy him like he has me. But I know that don't make it right but then what I do is ten times worse.
I don't like when he flips out and he makes threats and I have told him I worry he would head but me. He assures me he would never lay a finger on me and he doesn't mean what he sais but its hard not to throw back comments when he does this.
He makes remarks to the kids like I shouldn't have kids, I hate kids and I hate little things hr does and said but if u mention it he then blanks me.
God I could go on for ages with things to get opinions and ways to deal with things but I think there's enough for some help on if I'm wrong / what to change/ for me and him
Are we better off splitting up? Or has anyone got any ideas on how to put the past behind and help through the daily struggles when dealing with these mental health issues.
I do love him, he wants to be back to the funny loving person he once was but since he has acknowledged his mental health issues and starting to depick them he's continuously working on this in his head.
But I feel so empty, isolated and half the time like I'm the one in the wrong and then I question myself and think no, and now I really don't know
Please some advice.

Thank you

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

These relationships are difficult and it seems you’ve had much experience with the problems that ensue. Here’s an article that might be helpful: https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship