When your bod sibling wants to launch legal attacks against you

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I am wondering if anyone has had a sibling try to come after then legally and how to protect oneself. 

[Jfriend]

I am wondering if anyone has had a sibling try to come after then legally and how to protect oneself. 

[PearlsBefore]

I suppose it would depend how they're coming after you, whether you mean a BPD sibling is threatening to accuse you of sexual abuse, or they're suing you because Mom left you more in the will than she left to them, etc.

As a general rule if you fear legal harassment, try to limit your communication to emails so that you have a copy of what both people sent - if they phone, just say you're really busy or on the highway, can they send you an email?

[missing NC]

Jfriend,

You may benefit from Bill Eddy's books on dealing with high conflict (personality disordered) individuals in legal matters. He is an attorney with a previous background as a therapist. So he understands both the psychological and legal facets quite well.  Pearl's suggestion is a good one. Eddy has some decent material on keeping those emails brief, informative, friendly and firm. 

Are you able to share more about your concerns?

[zachira]

Can you tell us a little more about your concerns about possible legal challenges from your sibling? I am currently involved in legal disputes with my siblings.

[hugs2u]

Sometimes I feel like you all are clairvoyant!  You know exactly what I am going through. My uNPD brother hires lawyers all the time, although nothing has ever led to a lawsuit because no one has yet bought into his victim fantasies. One of my greatest fears still is that he'll sue me. I know that he has consulted with attorneys in the past about his delusional accusations of my wronging him (all fabricated in his very sick mind, so of course none of it could be backed up with any evidence).

My advice is the same as what others said. Communicate everything in writing. Keep every email you send and receive. Keep conversations to a minimum and keep them superficial. If you do have a conversation, memorialize that decision or discussion in a follow-up email that is neutral or positive in tone, beginning with "thanks for talking today. I'm glad you agree that X" or "It's good to know that you think X."

I also keep a journal where I write down my uNPD brother's behaviors. He often accuses me of things I didn't do, or makes snide remarks, or loses his temper and flat out rages at me, and I write it down. I will also keep screen shots of text messages that are angry or unreasonable, and I put those in the journal.

the journal helps me see things more objectively - what would all this look like to a neutral third party? That also helps me keep myself in check. I avoid sharing any feelings and avoid the topic of discussing things that happened in the past. It only leads to rages and more abuse from him. He is truly mentally ill and detached from reality.

If he does try anything, I'm going to hire a lawyer, show them my documentation, and have the lawyer call my brother's attorney and say if they continue we will demand a psychiatric evaluation plus I want all my legal fees covered as is common in frivolous lawsuits.

[Jfriend]

Thank you everyone for your advice.  I am starting to document all my interactions with my sibling and communiicate only in writing.  I guess the hard part is the growing awareness I have that I can’t just bounce back and extend an olive branch like I have a million times before when she has discarded me from her life and berated me, etc because she is actually accusing me of abusing her, emotionally, because I put a boundary down, and other types of serious abuse, like traumatising my children, my husband neglecting his elderly relative that we take care of, etc.  I feel very unsafe knowing she’s been taking legal action a lot lately against people she can’t get along with such as employers, landlords.  Even if I can forgive her, knowing that she’s ill, I need to protect my family.  Thank you for your help!  I really appreciate it and will be thinking of you all. 

[PearlsBefore]

Hopefully she's distracted by all the other people she needs to sue, so she forgets about you - haha. I hear you though, having people criticize you for having standards and boundaries, while preaching endlessly about how necessary they are, can certainly be grating. I hope you're able to ride out this storm without any disasters - and remember, the safest may be to just cut contact for a year or two (and may save you 4-5 years of grief)