Mother with BPD

[Rene John Lutgar]

Hi, It's taken me quite a while to get here. Tonite is my first therapy session around my mother with BPD. I'm so much looking forward to it. When I decided to break off the relationship with my toxic mother 18 months ago I had no idea what kinda ride I was in for. Suddenly the ground opened up beneath me and I fell. I had no idea what was going on and why taking a stand after 50 years had such an impact on my psyche. During 5 months I went through hell. Saying ENOUGH! to my mother was like opposing a force of nature. I had no idea I was in so deep. I stopped sleeping and my wife observed how I manifested one after the other of her character traits. I relived my childhood and I cried like a baby for months. I had no idea what was going on. Finally I ended up in a psychiatric ward and only after been given medication did I manage to calm down. Slowly the fog lifted. I returned home after two months, went back to work and slowly we started figuring out what had happened. By chance we discovered a book that explained everything to us. It was a book on Borderline. Suddenly everything became clear. So here I am hoping to share insights with you guys.

[sklamath]

Hello and welcome! I have found this forum and its participants so helpful in healing and learning new ways of being in all of my relationships, and hope you will find it useful too.

How did things go with your therapist, and how are you doing today?

[Rene John Lutgar]

Hi there, thanks for the warm welcome. I truly hope to find some kindred spirits on this platform. My first session went well. It was mostly me introducing myself and telling my story. It was difficult for me to talk about my mother at one point. As if I couldn't remember anything.Also felt a bit nauseous digging up those old stories of misuse. I guess that's normal. I'm looking forward to my next session though. How can I join in on there group talks?

[sklamath]

I'm glad your first session went well. It can be intense, but also such an important part of healing. 

As for how to participate, definitely dig into some of the stickies at the top of this board, e.g. Survivor to Thriver and How to Get the Most Out of This Site.

I would suggest sharing your story as you are comfortable, asking for help with problem-solving, and reading and commenting on others' posts. It all helps work toward healing and growth. I've had some of my biggest growth and a-ha moments here in noticing how members talk to each other, work through the process of establishing healthier boundaries, and practice skills like validation in responding to one another--those are skills that those of us who are children of BPD parents didn't have modeled for us.