Any advice on creating helpful boundries with my recently diagnosed YA son?

[Ou812]

My son has recently been diagnosed with BPD and keeps getting in the way of us helping to get him proper care. He lives on his own and will have impulsive episodes (including one suicide attempt, suicidal ideation, giving away his money and spontaneously meeting out with dangerous people he just met online with nefarious intentions for him) that make his life more intolerable and he consistently fluctuates from owning his diagnosis and being open and asking for help (he started an intensive DBT group program but stopped in the middle of the first session) to pulling the plug and being paranoid of our intentions for him.

Lately we are seeing a big increase in his self harming behavior but have no idea how to help. He had a therapist who was a DBT specialist but stopped seeing her and his new therapist unfortunately is not well versed on BPD, doubts the diagnosis based on my son's less than transparent self report and he has stopped taking his meds.

We are exhausted from being on the phone with him all the time and constantly worrying about him and flying back and forth to get him help which never transpires. Wondered if anyone here has gone through this and had advice.

Thanks so much,
James

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[old97]

Hi James,

That's a pretty scary situation you're describing. Our person w/ BPD is still under her mother's (my partner's) roof. "Jane", our pwBPD, is 21 and displays a lot of the behaviors you describe.

I don't have any real words of wisdom for you. All I can suggest is perhaps consulting with a therapist yourself. If you go that route, try to find one who is well-versed in BPD. They don't necessarily have to be a DBT therapist themselves, but should know about the disorder and how to deal with it.

My partner ("Sue") has started seeing a therapist (who does happen to specialize in DBT and who's practice Jane is currently seeing) and it's enabled her to create and enforce reasonable boundaries with confidence. It's made a difference for us.

Please stay engaged here. There are lots of people who are experiencing, or have experienced situations similar to yours. You're not alone!