Needing advice

[Betterlife2021]

This is my first post. My other half was diagnosed with bipolar and bpd two years ago.We have been living together for 21 years.He is seeing a therapist somethings  have improved. Before starting therapy were at the bottom. I felt if I gave him anymore of my heart or soul I would have nothing left. We were in stuck in a extremely dysfunctional cycle for many years.We raised a child in this cycle she has also been seeing a therapist. She is now almost 24 and I finally feel like she will be okay. He has about 4 bipolar cycles per year. The bpd is at its worst when his low happens. To make it short I’ll just say I become the enemy in the blink of a eye. He has to be the king of silent treatment. Before therapy as soon as I said anything to him he was leaving me but within a week he had changed he mind.  He has never left. This happened about 4 times a year for about 12 years. In the last two years it has been less. He did it last year around this same time. This has happened again  a couple days ago. Yesterday he already started to backtrack on if he should leave. By attempting to convince me that I was the one that needed to change.  I really don’t know what to do at this point. I have asked him about a trial separation. Don’t have any idea if this is a good idea or not.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[khibomsis]

 :hi:Betterlife, and welcome to the family! I am so sorry for what you are going through!  We are here and will support you through this. You are in a good position, your partner has been diagnosed and is in therapy. Those are usually good preconditions for things to get better.
My first relationship of 16 years, my partner regularly broke up every six months, triggering all my abandonment issues. If I had known then what I know now, I would have dealt with it much better. Try to see it as an electrical storm that passes through their brain, they will say anything and it doesn't have to make much sense.
Are you in therapy? For one you will need support since the process of healing is a time of great change. And for two, yes you will have to change too. Not necessarily according to  your pw BPD suggestions, but it does help the relationship if you can become stronger and wiser about how to handle the electrical storms. Here's a good place to start : https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=42176.0

[Betterlife2021]

I was seeing his therapist for about a year. She has helped me a lot with boundaries cause I had none and tools to deal with his behaviors. I have not seen her in about  a year. I did contact her this morning and have a appointment in a couple weeks. I’m just not sure how to deal with everything till then. He’s mad if I try to talk to him. He’s mad if I don’t talk to him.