AAARRRRRGH

[sub]

married to someone in denial of BPD
Right now just trying to breathe

[CoherentMoose]

Deep breaths...

[ForeverDad]

Denial... (1) a large river in northern Africa; (2) a strong behavior of people with BPD and other acting out personality disorders.

I've read comments where even professionals, from an emotionally neutral perspective, providing therapy to people with BPD often don't mention BPD in specific terms, or do so very cautiously to minimize overreactions.

Ponder that.  It may be wise to step back a little and rather than say "you need help" it might be better to say "we need help in our relationship".  That might be a better way to guide a discussion.

That said, not all counselors or therapists are sufficiently experienced to deal with some persons with extreme Denial and Blame Shifting behaviors.  Successful therapy outcome depends also on the person's determination to apply the therapy long term.

How long is the relationship/marriage?  Are there children in the relationship?  That often makes the scenario even more complicated.