Do cycles of violence increase with BPD? Is violence commom?

[Rex31807]

My wife would lash out violently. It became frightening to live in the house with her. She would have these anger episodes that lasted days. Is extreme anger common with this type of condition?

[Bri of Ohi]

My wife would throw things, punch, push, break my things,  threaten to burn my clothes.  Sometimes she would laugh afterwards or say 'what are you going to do about it ' to try and provoke me. No one believes this when I try to get help because she is so nice, caring,  and thoughtful with people outside of the family.  I endured these things for 25 years.  If they won't get help or think they're normal, all I can suggest is to walk away. 

[Rex31807]

The lack of respect is enough reason to end it. I would get criticized if I exercised in the mornings on the weekend. She said I was being selfish because I didn’t include her. I would try and ask her to go and she would say she didn’t want to because she was having her coffee. I quit exercising on the weekends because I didn’t want it to turn into a fight.

It was controlling. It’s nice to have to freedom to do simple things without being accused of being selfish. I take great joy in that.

[Sluggo]

For me the violent episodes first were about 12 months apart, then 6 months, then 3 months until the end they could be daily. 

what are you going to do about it ' to try and provoke me. No one believes this when I try to get help because she is so nice, caring,  and thoughtful with people outside of the family.

Had the exact thing said to me when locking the bedroom door and standing by it.  I ended up jumping out the bedroom window. 

My ex is the sweetest person in public.  Involved in church etc.  Only two people (outside her family of origin and our kids) saw her anger in full tilt - my dad who was taken in and stayed at our home for 3 months for health reasons and the last therapist we went to who threw her out 4 different times from our sessions with her violent outburst.  The first time she saw it she wrote me a safety plan.   Having them see her explode help wake me up to the Extreme behavior we witnessed frequently at home. 

Sluggo

[Rex31807]

The last few times was awful. The cycles sped up. Then she came at me hard in the driveway and I let her just unload and got to the car as best i could while she kept throwing punches and hitting. She must have hit me 20 times. It was awful.

Then she locked me out and i left. The next day she.broke down and begged me to come back. I came back the next morning and she broke down and blamed me for her hurt from not responding immediagely.

In February she lashed out and slapped the side of my head and drew blood. I had blood running down the side of my head and it was the violence and her lack of care that hurt. I couldnt  imagine doing that to her. To this day i could not slap her face.

I hurt still. Its the lack.of love that hurts.

[Sluggo]

Rex,

As you know, this will only get worse.  Like an alcoholic drinking more and more... the violence Will escalate.   And our part will continue also to tolerate more and more enabling abuse and bad behavior.   

I would forget so quickly the bad behavior and the drama until it started again.  I kept my phone in pocket and recorded and would listen to it later to make sure I wasn't going crazy.  Also helped me when I gave to lawyer and also replayed it on my sad days when thinking I wanted to go back. Because the pain was to much. ... 

So sorry you are going through it. 

Sluggo

[Giulietta]

Hey R!

While I was, technically, never physically attacked, the anger and cruelty did seem to get worse each time. At first he said things that weren't very nice, then he started mocking me in front of other people, did little "slights" that nobody but me noticed, then slights that other people noticed. For example, once we were sitting in a restaurant and I was right below the AC machine, and I felt very cold. I said, "can we go to another table? I'm very cold", and he refused to move. His friend was embarrassed and switched places with me... and of course, 5 minutes later he was freezing too, and THEN he accepted moving.

Then we wouldn't see each other or talk for a while, then one day he would contact me and ask for my forgiveness, and he always looked and sounded incredibly true. And thus I always ended up giving him another chance.

Until the last time I saw him, he put my life literally at risk by reckless driving, stole my credit cards, smeared me, called me names...

In other words, it does escalate. If I had stayed he would probably resort to physical violence eventually.

I'm very sorry you are going through this.

[Rex31807]

G,
  Thank you for your input. I appreciate it. It means a lot. It hurts butt i am doing the right thing.  I keep second guessing myself. I feel like i am crazy sometimes but the more time goes by thw more peace and life i have.

[Rex31807]

Sluggo,

My friend, sage, lighthouse in the storm once again you provide a sense of clarity and reason. It did escalaste. It went from yearly, 6 months to almost monthly. I had to escape. I keep questioning myself. My family and friends seem upset wi me about it because i stayed in jt so long anf let her do this.