Should you say "i'm not abandoning you"?

[NeedAdvice87]

Is it right or wrong to tell a bpd friend "I'm not abandoning you" when lovingly disengaging from them?

I'm having a hard time telling if that's right or wrong, bc part of me really does want to abandon them. But I know as their friend that they need to hear that I'm not abandoning them or else their emotions will be triggered again.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[formflier]

Usually it's better to give them a date/time when you will be back in contact.

So better to do something affirmatively...than try to convince them of a negative.

I am going to be doing (blank)

versus

I am not doing (blank)

Now...it may not work..but there is less chance of them twisting it.

Best,

FF

[NeedAdvice87]

Thanks for the advice! I feel so saddened by this. I don't want to hurt her. We are very close friends, I'm her fp for the last 6 years. I just said basically: i love you, i'm not abandoning you, i feel very overwhelmed by the extremity of your emotions and i am working to figure out what i need in order for this to be a healthy friendship for me. I said I was getting professional help and needed space to do this. I also said I hate that they have to endure such agony and that I know it's not her fault and stems from abandonment issues. at the end I emphasized i love you and i'm not abandoning you, and hopefully i will have more clarity on this by next Wednesday.

I hadn't had a chance to read your message at the time.

Do you think I am handling this gracefully?

[formflier]

So...there is a chance you message is "invalidating" her.

Google bpdfamily "invalidation" and also "validation".  You will find lots of stuff to read.

Let's see if you get a response.

Best,

FF