I accept that I will never have the relationship I want with her.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I accept that my ex has is a person with Borderline Personality Disorder. This means she does not love the same way that I do. She is ruled by emotions, her decision making can’t be understood by me, I am not a therapist and I don’t need to fix her.

I accept that if she comes back, it will be temporary, and confusing. I accept that if she doesn’t come back, it will be permanent and confusing. Either way, I won’t understand and can’t control it. She may or may not choose to float back into my life, and I don’t need to try and convince her to come back. That is my closure.

I am thankful that this didn’t happen when we were engaged, married, or with children.

It is still sad; and I still feel sorry for her. no matter how bad she made me feel. I can rest easy in knowing she knows where I am, and I’ll engage with her if she wants to, at shoulders length with firm boundaries. I’ll give her the validations she needs to bounce back from her low points, but as a kindness to her, and not as a romantic partner.

I am now going to become the best version of myself, work on understanding and getting a handle on my codependent tendencies and become the best person I can be, so that when the right person comes along, I’m ready for them. Good luck exGfwBPD.

[IntoTheWind]

I accept that my ex has is a person with Borderline Personality Disorder. This means she does not love the same way that I do. She is ruled by emotions, her decision making can’t be understood by me, I am not a therapist and I don’t need to fix her.

I accept that if she comes back, it will be temporary, and confusing. I accept that if she doesn’t come back, it will be permanent and confusing. Either way, I won’t understand and can’t control it. She may or may not choose to float back into my life, and I don’t need to try and convince her to come back. That is my closure.

I am thankful that this didn’t happen when we were engaged, married, or with children.

It is still sad; and I still feel sorry for her. no matter how bad she made me feel. I can rest easy in knowing she knows where I am, and I’ll engage with her if she wants to, at shoulders length with firm boundaries. I’ll give her the validations she needs to bounce back from her low points, but as a kindness to her, and not as a romantic partner.

I am now going to become the best version of myself, work on understanding and getting a handle on my codependent tendencies and become the best person I can be, so that when the right person comes along, I’m ready for them. Good luck exGfwBPD.

[B53]

ITW,

You summed it up well! Best of luck.

B53

[Breakingpoint13]

We feel you into the wild!

Stay strong!

[Lucky Jim]

Hey ITW, One thing you might want to explore is why you got into a r/s with a pwBPD in the first place.  Hint: usually it has something to do with one's FOO or other childhood trauma.  Does that ring a bell?  Once you understand and recognize the dynamic, it's easier to avoid as you move forward.

LuckyJim