I think my mother has BPD

[Kerry’s sister]

After reading about the symptoms of BPD I’m wondering if my 82 year old mother is suffering from this disorder. While she can be loving and supportive she can also me judgmental and verbally abusive. I’ve been trying to establish boundaries with her, but this is usually met with hostility, anger and personal attacks against me. I’m struggling to find a balance between protecting myself and having a relationship with her. 

[bethanny]

For years I blamed myself for not using tough love against my mother who did such a number removing my "boundaries."  When i finally did modestly assert myself WW3 broke out and she triangulated me to isolate me from my family support system.  I will never know if this were about calculated malice or an irrational paranoia.  I was awed that she was willing to lose me from her life than offer even a crumb of conflict resolution. I was estranged for 10 years because of her irrational reaction to me defending my boundaries.  I was 30.  She managed to paint me to my family and social network as having gone crazy and being irrationally cruel to her.  Full out lie or paranoia?  Maybe both partly.

[Methuen]

I’m struggling to find a balance between protecting myself and having a relationship with her.

This can be tricky, especially in the beginning when you are experimenting with new strategies to set boundaries for yourself.  Can you tell us about a boundary you set, and how she reacted to it?

[Canine Mom]

So sorry you are dealing with this difficult and painful situation.  Does your Mother quickly shift from seeing people as all good to seeing them as all bad and then sometimes back and forth?