Transitioning From Young Child Schedule To Week-to-Week

[Turkish]

D9 was 1 and S11 had just turned 4 when their mom finally moved out. We've been on a 3-2-2-3 schedule since 2014. 3s are Friday evenings through Monday mornings.

D9 and her mom have been having major issues with each other How Hard Is It To Compete With "Disney" Parent?

The kids have been with me since Monday and won't see their mom until next Monday at after school pickup. They started the schoolyear yesterday.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder? She video called the kids before school yesterday, and by voice after school, and by voice tonight. Earlier in the week, D9 said "I don't miss you." She was so upset with her mom.

Tonight, D9 commented that it was weird that they hadn't seen her in a week (Monday, really), and asked her mom about her day which showed empathy on D9's part. S11 said that they should stay all week with her next week, so we'll try the week-to-week schedule.

Last Friday, their mom called me, driven to tears being frustrated by mostly our daughter, saying that she dreaded her Friday's. So we'll see how it goes...

Personally, it's no big deal to me either schedule, but I've been floating the week on week of schedule to the kids for over a year because I've heard that it's typical when kids get older.

The only issue is now nightly calls which we stopped 7 years ago. That's probably a good idea to do going forward. Of course their mom told the kids tonight, "call me anytime." Two nights ago, I asked D9 if she wanted to call her mom and she said no. I need to realize that I'm dealing with kids and their mom who have more changing emotions than I do.

[GaGrl]

Turkish, if the week-to-week schedule is appropriate now, but Friday nights are difficult, what might bee the best time for them to transition...Saturday mornings? Sunday afternoons?

[ForeverDad]

My custody evaluator, a child psychologist also said younger children do better with a 3-2-2-3 schedule.  My son was 6 when we started that.

When I sought and got full custody — he was 9-10 then — I recall asking my lawyer about simplifying it to alternate weeks since exchanges triggered her biggest conflict.  He responded, "Do you want the court to think Ex is okay enough to have longer visits with her son?"  I mention this because your daughter is already having issues with her mother.  Longer visits may not be helpful.

I went back to try again for majority time and court granted me majority time during the school year.  He was nearly 12 years old then.  Guess what?  Our summers remained 3-2-2-3 until he aged out of the system at age 18.

Interestingly, my court revised their recommended schedules several years ago (babies/toddlers, younger children and older children) and it stated older children as they enter their teen years do better with having a home base in one home.  My thoughts... It may not be too many years before your kids have grown enough to do better with a "home base" and for their welfare it needs to be your home.

[Turkish]

It's been Friday after school since she moved out on February of 2014.

We have joint legal/physical. In a way, I'm "home base" since the kids have remained in my school system though she made some waves early on about transferring them to hers. Yet she moved 4 times in 4 years (2 and 3 into a different apartment on the same complex when she kicked out her husband).

I told S11 today that unlike how it's been, we should talk at least every other day if this works. Maybe video calls (which I don't normally like), but they'll like to see our dog.

I'm surprised mommy suggested it. I think that she's going to start picking them up early from after school to do things with them. She does far more "extra curriculars" than I do, I think to make things better in her mind. That isn't the issue.

[alex sunny]

thanks for the awesome information.

[Turkish]

I get the kids back after school tomorrow. I texted her last night to see how the week went. She called me this morning and I talked to her and the kids. Their mom said that D9 only asked twice this week after school to come see our dog. I live close to the schools. Other than that, the week went well for them. She attributed it partly to rephrasing how she talked to the kids.

We will see how it goes in the coming month, but maybe week to week is better at their ages now. I think that S11 wouldn't care either way.