I have to let go. as a wider philosophy

[Cromwell]

it transcends and incorporates the psychological theories based on attachment theory and what leads up to these dynamics.

its letting go to what isnt really there but was once created, primordially, as a security hook.

theres nothing i need my ex for, or my parents or anyone else. at a cellular basis, its myself as a co-operating being with nature. at one point in time, there was a reliance. its as much quashed and progressed from as the original cells in embroyonic form multiplied and differentiated.

i know even in the space of time since leaving this relationship, whether id have kept in contact or not, im very much a different person. im glad I had this experience to recognise what is a psychic related trauma that needed to be exposed. maybe not needed, i could have survived and carried it with but im glad it happened, it led to enhancement. not everyone manages to reach and discover, they take an attachment disorder to the grave, thats maybe ok as well, whats not known is not harmful.

hurt and pain and so on, there is none that im receiving, ala, pink floyd songs grew up on. this in my opinion, is the capacity of the human mind to be able to be programmed a certain way but to have the ability to alter itself, organically. neuroscientists move towards the term neural plasticity. apparently time helps, its not overnight cure, this is a message to those going through tough moments now.

if I carry a pain it is in a mild disappointment of what could have been, and its my own stubborn form of idealistic personality that creates this downfall. but I can live with and acknowledge it, and incorporate the realism into it as a mitigator.

i am disappointed, I have felt the gamut of emotions. negative to positive but its increasingly the past. people like my gardening anlogies. my ex (at the risk of a third alleged possible act of violence stament) is a form of feritliser. its clear shes here to stay but as an enhancer of growth, a productive medium. thats my story, narrative of the idealistic nature of my therapeutic recovery. its a co-existence not a codependency.

there was no violence during the relationship in the effected form. it was propagated through the affected form, with my capacitiy for self control and restraint. I cant be provoked, but the energy does go somewhere. and 4 years is a lot of energy to internalise.

therapeutic transference, what else. other woman havent done the same, made me feel that rotteness. she doesnt owe me anything, I weighed it up, it averaged itself out. someone told me once, dont hate her, hate the illness. Im beyond both though. its over. its nothing to sully the new day with, the new day with.

the biggest outcome is having nothing more to say

[Cromwell]

i am so fking steaming

[Sappho11]

There's this famous saying in Buddhism: "What is the source of all suffering? – Attachment." I do believe that's true.

Perhaps some reading along those lines would help? Or if Buddhism is to "woowoo", the Stoic philosophers would be great. Not Marcus Aurelius (only keeps talking about himself in boring details), but someone like Seneca. Seneca pretty much only writes concise manuals on how to let go and be at peace with your life. Might we worth a look.

[Cromwell]

Thanks Sappho for reading suggestions.

Im familiar with some of their interpretations of the world.

The point ultimately is to change it and i wonder why i made this post. I think i already let go, i think there's some work done to resolve on dealing with memory triggers that encourage an emotional response. I manage fine when sober its trickier otherwise. Perhaps its my way of raising the bar, i know im over it when can get blind drunk and not feel bothered.

Take care best wishes.