Confused. Frustrated.

[LastTrainHome]

Hey all,

I just need to vent. I am so frustrated.

I’ve been on here for a couple months reading others posts. I’ve been married for 7.5 yrs to uwBPD, 2 y/o and 1 y/o kids. BPD was first suggested to me by one of my counselors as fitting for my wife. Upon reading Eggshells my eyes were about as wide as could be with realization and understanding.

Marriage counselor admits wife has BPD traits. Wife admits she exhibits nearly every single DSM trait. Yet when she started seeing her new therapist a couple months ago she didn’t admit any of this. She reported that “my husband thinks I have BPD.”

The therapist, unfamiliar with BPD, asked her if she had friends….wife said “Yes.” And the therapist immediately ruled out BPD. Some diagnosis method…..

And now I’m the bad guy for having thought this and have been forbidden from talking about BPD. This was several months ago.

There is no infidelity, no physical abuse. There is just extreme inner turmoil in her that can’t be quelled. She admits she has no self identity.

For the 8 years we’ve been together she INCESSANTLY talks about bettering herself, “Oh, I’m going to start this project!”, “You know what, I’m going to do this from now on!”. Over and over. Not an ounce of change ever. Nothing sustainable.

Without fail, we end back up at daily crying, barely able to take care of herself (days between showers, doesn’t eat, doesn’t drink water, only coffee), depressed, lonely, exhibiting severe cognitive distortions, splitting, and manipulation (“I feel INSERT EXTREME NEGATIVE FEELING so I think you need to do this differently from now on.”)

The manipulations have slowed as I’ve become more aware of them and immediately and bluntly say “no” to anything remotely unreasonable.

She is going to therapy (EMDR) based which has been a roller coaster in itself.

I am dealing with my own mental health (MDD) that has peaked and is not clearing easily. I believe it largely due to our relationship and some extremely rigorous work I’ve been doing for a couple years.

I just want the roller coasters to stop. I just want her to be able to admit what is actually wrong so we can stop throwing bandaids that are too small onto wounds that aren’t severe whilst we ignore the large ones. This is the nastiest illness I’ve ever had experience with.

[formflier]

I'm glad you found us and made your first post!

Also glad you have found your voice to say no.  I'm curious if you have tried any other methods that might not be as "harsh" to say "no"...without saying exactly no.

How long have you been doing your own therapy?

Best,

FF

[ThanksForPlaying]

The lack of follow-through strikes a chord with me today. Nothing sustainable.

I originally noticed this with bigger "goals"
- "I felt so good today - I'm going to start going to the gym every day"
- "I had so much fun walking the dogs today - I'm going to do that every day"
and then only 2 days of follow-through, if that

Then I realized it was happening with smaller things like "what's for dinner" or "stopping by the store". She would announce during the day that she was making dinner, and then just leave and get sushi on her own, and tell me "there's nothing wrong with me getting sushi by myself - I'm an adult". Which is true, but the change of plans and spontaneity leaves me foodless and makes it impossible to believe you're going to do what you say, even a few hours from now. Then she wonders why people don't "trust" her or don't want to make plans with her. Zero sustainable plans. Everything is purely based on her emotions at the moment.

Lately she's taken it to another level by refusing to commit to anything, even in the moment. Do you want anything from the store? "I don't know". Do you want me to make dinner tonight? "I don't know" Ok, well I'm making dinner at 6pm (50/50 chance she will eat with me, depends on how she feels in the moment).

I can see that I'm part of the problem - I'm accepting of her flakiness and I cover for her often. I end up taking her son to activities that she has promised to do but flaked on. I'm working on fixing my own flaws in this department.

Just wanted to post some of my thoughts on that topic. Glad you're here. Keep posting. TFP

[Guts42]

Welcome LastTrainHome (btw... is that a Lost Prophets reference?)

Just like you I came here after reading Eggshells.
Your description is eerily similar to how I'd describe my uBPD wife.

I'll admit I'm VERY biased right now as I'm going through what I believe to be the end stages of this marriage (CPS, abuse outreach, and other agencies involved) but that's a whole other story.

Something to consider: With some people you can't stop the roller coaster, it'll go on with or without you.  Sometimes all you can do is jump.  I think the analogy of roller coaster is painfully fitting for so many of us here.  Not just in terms of the ups and downs but mostly because it's doomed to go over the same track forever.  With my uBPD W, I can chart accurately within a few days how long a new self improvement project will last.  Despite what Hunter S. Thompson said, just because you bought the ticket doesn't mean you have to take the ride.

[Snowflake90]

Sounds a lot like my ex wife. She'd take courses on drums, then on architecture, then she wanted... you get the picture.
She had no clue what she really wanted. To me at least, that was the least of all issues. An issue, sure, but the lesser, nonetheless.
IMHO, it's too much to expect someone with BPD to be fully functional. I like to think that, my future wife will not be BPD, but will probably have a flaw I hate, that's kinda human nature, no one's perfect. So my question to you is, is that what you hate the most about her? If she kept doing that but improved other areas would that be enough for you? (maybe not, just throwing ideas here) If you want to stick into the marriage, my suggestion is to focus on the core issues. What are her core issues you just can't stand? Mine was self harm, suicide, absurd spending and not doing any chores (quite a list , that's why I divorced). BPD is such a complex thing that it's bound to make the affected person dysfunctional on many levels. Therapy and meds can go only so far. So my suggestion to you is, if you feel like it, open up to us a lil more. What is it she does that strikes your nerves? Do share more. Can she improve these issues? Only if she feels like it and it depends on her level of dysfunction. Some are affected less, some more. And only  you can evaluate her progress and develop realistic expectations.
In my case, I had very poor expectations of her improvement, hence I divorced her, but each case is different.

[Guts42]

What are her core issues you just can't stand? Mine was self harm, suicide, absurd spending and not doing any chores (quite a list , that's why I divorced).

The similarities here are shocking.

In my case, I had very poor expectations of her improvement, hence I divorced her, but each case is different.

Same.  But pending.

[ForeverDad]

And a major factor to consider is... How will the children be impacted as they grow into adults over the next 15-20 years?  If you're having a hard time, what will it be like for the kids?

Your first thought might be, "But I can't leave the kids alone with her."  The reality is that if you go elsewhere to work, to go shopping, etc, then you're already leaving her some of the time with the kids.  Note this other perspective.

A few decades ago the book Solomon's Children - Exploding the Myths of Divorce had an interesting observation on page 195 by one participant, As the saying goes, "I'd rather come from a broken home than live in one."  Ponder that.  Taking action, as appropriate, will enable your lives or at least a part of your lives to be spent be in a calm, stable environment - your home, wherever that may be - away from the blaming, emotional distortions, pressuring demands and manipulations, unpredictable ever-looming rages and outright chaos.

In short, you can choose to make the best of a lousy situation, whether you stay with demonstrated improvement, "stay for now" pending improvement or whether you go.  The reasonable best.

Your decisions of course will be affected by your spouse's actions and behaviors.  But it's always up to you to decide what boundaries you will set in your life, what you will do or not do, etc.

[LastTrainHome]

Frankly, I had forgotten I had posted this here and only checked it a few days ago.  My, how things have progressed for me too.

First of all, thank you very much for everyone's replies.  I am finding it exceptionally difficult to convey the frustration and helplessness (my own) that this disorder has created in my life and marriage to people who are unfamiliar with BPD traits and behaviors. 

As of last week I have consulted a divorce attorney and will possibly be filing soon. 

MODS: If possible, could we move this thread to the Leaving forum? I am no longer conflicted.


Responses:

I'm curious if you have tried any other methods that might not be as "harsh" to say "no"...without saying exactly no.

How long have you been doing your own therapy?

Best,

FF

Yes, I perhaps stated that a bit too plainly.  I have read most of Eggshells, Stop Caretaking, and am working on Splitting now.  I have implemented the Cornell method (to absolutely zero success) and have become quite adept at politely disallowing boundary-stepping behaviors.  My current therapist has called the inevitable acting out resulting from healthy boundary setting "boundary Hell" .

I've been in therapy for a couple other issues since April of this year, though this relationship has been pervasive in our discussions.  As of two weeks ago I have also sought the weekly help of a PsyD familiar with BPD.

[LastTrainHome]

Welcome LastTrainHome (btw... is that a Lost Prophets reference?)

Just like you I came here after reading Eggshells.
Your description is eerily similar to how I'd describe my uBPD wife.

I'll admit I'm VERY biased right now as I'm going through what I believe to be the end stages of this marriage (CPS, abuse outreach, and other agencies involved) but that's a whole other story.

Something to consider: With some people you can't stop the roller coaster, it'll go on with or without you.  Sometimes all you can do is jump.  I think the analogy of roller coaster is painfully fitting for so many of us here.  Not just in terms of the ups and downs but mostly because it's doomed to go over the same track forever.  With my uBPD W, I can chart accurately within a few days how long a new self improvement project will last.  Despite what Hunter S. Thompson said, just because you bought the ticket doesn't mean you have to take the ride.

Why YES! it most certainly is a Lost Prophets reference.  That album is one of my all-time favorites!
Unfortunately, I believe I am in the same stages of my marriage.  I can feel it dying and it's bitter-sweet and scary as hell because the kids are so young (1.5 and 3).
I agree with the roller coaster analogy.  In the past few months, episode after episode after episode, I came to the hard acceptance that things will never change for her and I have to get out of here to protect myself and the kids.   

[LastTrainHome]

So my question to you is, is that what you hate the most about her?

If she kept doing that but improved other areas would that be enough for you? (maybe not, just throwing ideas here) If you want to stick into the marriage, my suggestion is to focus on the core issues.

What are her core issues you just can't stand? Mine was self harm, suicide, absurd spending and not doing any chores (quite a list , that's why I divorced). BPD is such a complex thing that it's bound to make the affected person dysfunctional on many levels. Therapy and meds can go only so far. So my suggestion to you is, if you feel like it, open up to us a lil more.

What is it she does that strikes your nerves? Do share more. Can she improve these issues?

Only if she feels like it and it depends on her level of dysfunction. Some are affected less, some more. And only  you can evaluate her progress and develop realistic expectations.
In my case, I had very poor expectations of her improvement, hence I divorced her, but each case is different.

Oh boy...hate most?...
FIRST: The unpredictability in her treatment of the kids.  She oscillates between being completely appropriate with our 3 y/o and 1y/o and being completely unable to display empathy (even manipulating them to get my attention).  She will begin yelling at me about some perceived slight in front of the children, cause the children to start crying, ignore them as they plead for her attention at her side, and keep up the blitz towards me to tell me how much my actions have "hurt her feelings" in one way or another.  (eg "I just feel so unloved by you because you're constantly criticizing me! Note: Criticism in this case is a polite request to stop interrupting me and steamrolling virtually any conversation we try to have)

Second: Emotional manipulation and control tactics to get what she wants. She is attending therapy (EMDR based for trauma ONLY) and tells me probably 5-7 days of the week how proud she is of her progress (See: None).  It's becoming extremely detrimental because she is coming home from therapy and making absurd demands and framing them as "My therapist says my feelings are healthy and ok and this is a boundary of mine." It's madness.  She yelled at me in front of our 3y/o when I disallowed him to watch TV first thing in the morning after waking and said he could read a book with me instead.  She claimed I had made parenting decisions without her.  When I asked to discuss it she declined, and gave me a specific date TWENTY DAYS AWAY becasue that was when she felt comfortable having the discussion, which she reminded me was "ok and healthy."

Tertiary:
-Spending too much
-Not following through on chores/ responsibilites
-Inability to do virtually anything without my input or help (register a vehicle, make a grocery list, pick up kids toys, park the car)
-Incessantly buying crap from thrift stores that we dont need without getting rid of other things
-Unable to focus on ANY conversation we have
-Last minute sabotage attempts at family plans

[LastTrainHome]

This FOG is getting unreal.

Tuesday saw a very aggressive, rage, intimidation, baiting sequence because I changed a computer password to protect personal information.

Namecalling, yelling, following me from room to room despite pleas for privacy, cursing, threatening to break the computer, refusing to lower her voice as our kids were still asleep in an adjacent room.

A few hours after the incident uBPDw broke down, crying, I’m so sorry, you’re my best friend, I need you in my life, we need to stay together for the kids, and has been on her absolute best behavior since. Writing off the incident as “doesn’t count” because things like that don’t happen every day.

I’m having trouble staying grounded. I feel like I am the problem. On some level I know that I am not but when she behaves it’s so difficult to see it.

[ForeverDad]

One perspective is that when you changed the password for privacy, to protect personal information, it was perceived as setting a Boundary.  People who are acting-out disordered such as pwBPD resist boundaries.

That's why boundary setting is a task we apply to ourselves, such as "If you do or don't do ___ then I will do or not do ___."  Translated to your incident... You determined your privacy or confidentiality was compromised and realized telling her "please stop getting on my account or monitoring me" would not work so you properly changed your password.  You have a right to appropriate privacy or confidentiality.

What happened thereafter could be described as an Extinction Burst which not only let her vent but also was meant to intimidate you into backpedaling into prior compliance or appeasement.

The problem you're facing is that if you give in to unreasonable demands/ultimatums then it will weaken future boundary-setting events.  On the other hand, good boundaries may spell an end (implosion) to a dysfunctional relationship.  As in, if you don't play by the other's rules then you're rejected.

Many here, myself included, experienced similar demands and rages.  In my case, as with many here, I had no choice but to realize the relationship was dysfunctional and increasingly unhealthy.  As it got worse and worse it reached the point  where I realized I had to separate if I was to protect myself and protect my parenting.

[LastTrainHome]

ForeverDad,

I like how you framed it as necessary not only to protect yourself but also your parenting.

I am finding during the bad times that my parenting becomes almost completely undermined.

I think that my relationship is in its dying stages. Honestly, I’m just finding a way to let her know that I’ve filed/will file (still sorting it out).

Any tips from anyone on how to tell an uBDPw, who has been escalating arguments with short intense stalking throughout the house and baiting , that I want a divorce?

[kells76]

Hi LastTrainHome;

Any tips from anyone on how to tell an uBDPw, who has been escalating arguments with short intense stalking throughout the house and baiting , that I want a divorce?

Given that you have two young children, I wonder if you can be out of the house with them for a weekend when your wife finds out/when she is told. Can you take the kids to see grandparents/cousins/family for a little bit, so that if (when) there is a big response, they aren't around for it? Or, send the kids on their own to Grandma's, while you stay to make the announcement?

This is sort of an example of the mindset shift that will be part of your life moving forward. Perhaps, in the past, there was a lot of focus on your W and her emotions and keeping the peace. I wonder if she always occupied the "#1" position in the household hierarchy of needs. Moving forward, assuming reconciliation doesn't happen, your mindset will shift to have in the #1 position: what do the kids need, how are they feeling, how can I care about the kids, how can I focus on the kids.

...

In terms of "how to tell her"... that's hard. Is there any crossover between you and her therapist, or her and your therapist? Perhaps making the announcement in a session with a professional could help.

Some people end up having to serve their SO's. There are plusses (it's a third party and can sort of be scheduled for when you're not around) and minuses (it can be seen as demeaning or can escalate outbursts).

There's also "reading the room" and, given that you know your W the best, "testing the waters" and waiting for a time when she seems more receptive. This can take longer (to wait for a "less bad" moment), so it does depend on whether you and the kids are safe.

However it shakes out, see if you can have the kids away when it happens. I know we don't always get the "best" scenarios when dealing with pwBPD, so we often have to make do with "good enough"... it's just something to consider.

Sorry this is all going down in your family.

-kells76

[ForeverDad]

We here are Nice Guys and Nice Gals.  Great, right?  Well... being nice people in a bad situation can be a disadvantage since our nice inclinations such as a sense of fairness can set us up for surprise sabotage.

How so?  You probably want to be 'fair' and inform her in advance of filing for divorce.  Well, that can give her an opportunity to sabotage you - negatively.  Here's a few scenario outcomes that have been experienced here:

Spouse senses or hears you say that you're "done" with the marriage and decides to file first, making outrageous allegations to get an early advantage in court.  Perhaps spouse doesn't wait for the legal process and calls 911 claiming DV or child abuse, so spouse gets to play the victim and you're cast as the abuser.

As the husband, a male, you may not get equal treatment in court.  My story, over 15 years ago, I called 911 to report a domestic dispute, she had threatened my life.  Police arrived and spoke with each of us separately.  One officer asked me to hand our quietly sobbing preschooler over to his mother and "step away".  My son shrieked and clung tighter to me, like a tree frog.  Imagine a young child desperate not to go to his mother.  After a pause the officer told us to work it out and they left.  (My divorce lawyer heard that and said it was standard policy to separate those in family disputes.  He was surprised I wasn't carted off in a police cruiser.)  Well, once I downloaded my recording, another officer came and filed my report.  She was arrested for Threat of DV.  Once she was released and I was given a TPO so she had to keep away from me, she immediately rushed to family court and filed for her own protection order and included our son.  She got the ex parte immediately but at the followup hearing a couple weeks later CPS stood up and stated they had "no concerns" about me.  So son was excluded from the protections.

Sounds not too bad, right?  Almost fair, right?  In municipal court I was the victim but in family court she was the claimed victim.  Ah, but family court didn't seem to give any weight to the Threat of DV case in the other court.   (I later was told that adult conflict often isn't a factor in parenting concerns.  So the "temporary" court order gave mother custody and majority parenting time.  I got alternate weekends and a 3 hour evening in between — for the next two years.  Ponder that... I had temp possession of the home (my protection order) and she had temp possession of our child (domestic court order).

Sorry for being so long-winded.  I'm trying to illustrate that while you may have good intentions (really great in other situations) you can't risk enabling your spouse to sabotage you or your ability to parent  (by giving advance notice of your plans).

You have a right to privacy and confidentiality while you research your options and proactively consult family law attorneys for legal advice and appropriate strategies.  Since there is a risk of heightened conflict when the spouse is informed, best to get the legal framework prepared and then let the legal process inform your spouse.

[LastTrainHome]

Thank you for your responses.

I have reconsidered and think it’s best for the courts to handle serving.

I have urged us back to marital counseling one last time. Also to help us through the inevitable divorce that is looming.

I am just blown away by how cookie cutter some of these therapy sessions go.

I will calmly describe exceptionally unhealthy and damaging patterns of behavior, uBPDw will lie (knowingly or not, I don’t care anymore) about her emotional interpretation of the events, I will calmly try to point out objective facts and flaws as amicably as possible…then at some point T comes back and says “Well you had a hand in this too….it’s 50/50.”

I have read almost all of Splitting and learned how to present these facts and behaviors appropriately. And still people continue to point out that “it takes two.”

I agree, that a healthy relationship takes two willing participants.
A relationship with an uBPD is not a healthy relationship. And I alone cannot provide the effort that two healthy people would otherwise be able to provide.

Our last T even admitted she has BPD traits and yet still pointed the finger at me and my “angry outbursts.” A moniker that my wife loves to throw around if I disagree with her or politely refuse something she offers.

I just…is there any hope in this? What do I have to do and say to get people to understand that there is a problem that is out of my control? That my behavior is under control? This makes me feel so hopeless.

[formflier]

Our last T even admitted she has BPD traits and yet still pointed the finger at me and my “angry outbursts.” A moniker that my wife loves to throw around if I disagree with her or politely refuse something she offers.
 

Hey...when learning to deal with BPDish traits "AND ALSO" is a very helpful concept to take onboard...to your core.

So much of  "BPD land is " EITHER OR", so you modeling the ability to "and also" situations will help, even if you keep going to divorce land.

So..therapy..for example.

You can certainly feel validated that the therapist "saw" BPD traits AND ALSO you can take great benefit to your personal growth from taking onboard that angry outbursts rarely are helpful.

Thoughts?

Best,

FF

[LastTrainHome]

FF,
Yes, “and also” does make sense and does allow thoughts and feelings to exist where pwBPD likely can’t allow them.

I suppose my quarrel with this last therapist interaction is that we seem to have gotten back to the “no matter what happened it’s always 50/50” mantra, which just simply isn’t true.

I have changed validation techniques, implemented the Cornell communication method, been using reflective listening for quite sometime, have my emotions very cleanly in check (save for the occasional tone of annoyance/irritation which gets pounced on immediately as “unloving” behavior of mine), have been working on my own codependent issues in therapy and on my own, practicing CBT, practicing DBT in case I learn something useful or helpful…bottom line is I’ve made monumental changes over our time together and staggering changes over the past year when things have been the worst.

And yet we still fall back to 50/50.

Our T completely justified her verbal abuse, physical intimidation, and stalking throughout the house during this incident a couple weeks ago because I “also escalated things” by changing passwords on my personal computer account to protect my personal financial, professional, and medical documents (which I did because she told me she was separating and moved into the living room).

[CoherentMoose]

Something to consider: With some people you can't stop the roller coaster, it'll go on with or without you.  Sometimes all you can do is jump.
and
Any tips from anyone on how to tell an uBDPw, who has been escalating arguments with short intense stalking throughout the house and baiting , that I want a divorce?

Don't tell her.  Prepare and pull the rip-cord...

In my fiancé's case, she decided on exactly that, a "surprise" move out.  She knew she could not handle her xBPDH face to face.  And there was a possibility of DV.  She had her mother set up an apartment, and on "d-day", she picked up the kids, packed her list of things to take, left a letter she created with her lawyer, and took the children to her new place where grandma was waiting.  She then texted her STBX and stated there was a letter for him at home and that he should go home and read it, and then turned the phone off for the night.  This was on a Thursday and she kept the children out of school on Friday and through the weekend to give herself emotional breathing space.  There is more to the story, but I'll stop here.  Bottom line, the "surprise" move out worked for her.  An option for you to consider. 

I’m having trouble staying grounded. I feel like I am the problem. On some level I know that I am not but when she behaves it’s so difficult to see it. Self care is critical here.  Find a way to get out of the pressure cooker for a few moments on a regular basis.  Journaling may help here as you can read the crazy over time. 

Take care and Good luck.  CoMo

[GaGrl]

I told my then-husband (who was depressed, not PD) that I wanted a separation during a marriage counseling session. It worked for us. We moved to a separation, then to divorce over nine months.

The situation is going to be very different with a pwBPD. The primary factor to keep top of mind is the physical and emotional safety of your children and you.

The more you can do in advance of her learning that you have filed, the better. Have a place to move into, make sure all your finances are separated (bank account, direct deposit, credit cards) so that she can't clean out accounts or run up debt in your name. Just taking care of practicalities will give you a focus as you move toward filing.

If there's a mantra you can repeat --  "I'm doing this for my children's and my health and future." -- whatever keeps you calm and focused -- that might help.

You can do this.

[formflier]

Our T completely justified her verbal abuse, physical intimidation, and stalking throughout the house during this incident a couple weeks ago because I “also escalated things” by changing passwords on my personal computer account to protect my personal financial, professional, and medical documents (which I did because she told me she was separating and moved into the living room).

Hey...not trying to argue with you here...but I kinda notice when people use what appears to be precise language.

And...if you are half of a relationship...you have 50% of the vote about how the relationship goes.   It's not saying you are 50% "at fault". 

Perhaps said another way...a therapist should not act as a judge in a civil suit.

"I the therapist find this party 83% repsonsible for this unhealthy behavior and the other party is 17%."  (oh how I hope it adds up to 100...it's been one of those days).   Just doesn't work that way.

I'm also curious about saying a therapist "justified" bad behavior.  I can imagine many scenarios where a therapist would want you to understand why another party did something and that person had their reasons, without saying the behavior is "ok" or "preferable" or "healthy"...or saying it is unhealthy, bad..etc etc

Best,

FF

[BlueNavigator]

I just need to vent. I am so frustrated.

I’ve been on here for a couple months reading others posts. I’ve been married for 7.5 yrs to uwBPD, 2 y/o and 1 y/o kids. BPD was first suggested to me by one of my counselors as fitting for my wife. Upon reading Eggshells my eyes were about as wide as could be with realization and understanding.

LastTrainHome,

I am new to this site as of today, but your situation seems so very much like my own. I have also been married 7.5 years and have a 3 yo and almost 1 yo. My counselor recommended Eggshells and it was a life-changing revelation.

I empathize with you on the perpetual promises for improvement contrasted with lack of functioning in real life. I can't hand out any advice but want to wish you luck as you're trying to make some meaningful change and take back your life. I hope you find reassurance in knowing some random stranger online is in a similar situation feeling pretty much exactly the same.

Best wishes,

Blue Navigator

[formflier]

My counselor recommended Eggshells and it was a life-changing revelation.

I'm glad you have found us AND that you made the decision to make your first post!   

How long has it been since you read the book?   Have you tried to make any changes in your relationship...based on the book?

You are certainly welcome to post more responses here on this thread and I would also encourage you to "make a new thread" (perhaps about your thoughts on SWOE ...stop walking on eggshells)

I'll check back soon to read your next post.

Best,

FF

[BlueNavigator]

How long has it been since you read the book?   Have you tried to make any changes in your relationship...based on the book?

You are certainly welcome to post more responses here on this thread and I would also encourage you to "make a new thread" (perhaps about your thoughts on SWOE ...stop walking on eggshells)

Hey Formflier, (love the E-2 Hawkeye btw) thanks for the shoutout. I read SWOE just last month and have been trying to set boundaries and expectations with mixed success. Specifically, we started marriage counseling at my request and I have shared that I expect her to care for the children's basic needs and not act violently against them (or me). My wife is one who has openly acknowledged her recent diagnosis and is seeking therapy but at the same time states she cannot meet these expectations and continues to lose her temper with our three-year-old son on a regular basis.

My situation does not seem as dire as LastTrainHome's (since my wife has insight into her disease and is open to seeking help) so I'm still wondering what to put in my new thread.

Thanks for the welcome, FF.

[formflier]

A month...this is really "fresh" for you.  Be kind to yourself. 

Looking forward to reading your first thread.  Perhaps your topic can be the first time you realized your mouth was hanging open...while reading SWOE..


Best,

FF