I'ts been one month.. update and I don't know what to do tonight, need support.

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Original Post: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=350660.0

It's been 1 month, I've seen ex's daughter 4 times, quality time she still loves me deeply and it is mutual, Ive been working with a therapist to know best how to handle my interaction with the child, in a nut shell I can be there but I need to be constant and be able to comunicate her things are different, and knowing that one day if her mom or her family decide that they dont want me to be in contact I would have to respect that as much as that could hurt us both.

Now, yesterday I received call from she tried to reach me via 3 different people (Im currently without a phone), so a neighbor came at 11 pm telling me exBPD was trying to reach me with an emergency about the child, I got scared and called her immediatly. So here is the drill: child is still living with her grandparants, my ex hasnt even been visiting her a lot, so she told me the child was alone with her grandma, and that her grandme was spaced out on drugs and that she needed a favor from me to pick her up at her house, then take her to her mom's to pick up the child and then take her back home, she moved to a very far place and difficult access so she said wasnt able to get an uber and so on (it has happened before, ubers dont want to go that far).

So I went there, pick the child with her mom, and then left them at her place, she seemed deeply sad, I stopped at a gas station and bought some food for the child to have breakfast since I know ex hasnt been able to get a fridge nor kitchen yet. I hugged her hard, she said thank you and I left.

Now... Ive been thinking all day about them, but I dont know if I should call to see how they are... I feel vulnerable right now and if she asks me to go there I might go and start cycling again...

Facts: for this past month, she has been partying on and off, hasnt been paying visits to her child daily not even 3 times a week, I believe she has been seeing someone or at least having sexual encounters. In my case I ve been going with the flow with my rupture process one step at a time, day by day... doing stuff I like, trying to reconnect with old friends and working on my hobbie. But there are days which I feel weak, like tonight. I know ex is going through hell right now and I feel I should be there, eventho In my head I know I shouldnt... but still makes me question myself and decisions.

Thank you for reading, what do you think?

[GreenGiant]

Original Post: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=350660.0

It's been 1 month, I've seen ex's daughter 4 times, quality time she still loves me deeply and it is mutual, Ive been working with a therapist to know best how to handle my interaction with the child, in a nut shell I can be there but I need to be constant and be able to comunicate her things are different, and knowing that one day if her mom or her family decide that they dont want me to be in contact I would have to respect that as much as that could hurt us both.

Now, yesterday I received call from she tried to reach me via 3 different people (Im currently without a phone), so a neighbor came at 11 pm telling me exBPD was trying to reach me with an emergency about the child, I got scared and called her immediatly. So here is the drill: child is still living with her grandparants, my ex hasnt even been visiting her a lot, so she told me the child was alone with her grandma, and that her grandme was spaced out on drugs and that she needed a favor from me to pick her up at her house, then take her to her mom's to pick up the child and then take her back home, she moved to a very far place and difficult access so she said wasnt able to get an uber and so on (it has happened before, ubers dont want to go that far).

So I went there, pick the child with her mom, and then left them at her place, she seemed deeply sad, I stopped at a gas station and bought some food for the child to have breakfast since I know ex hasnt been able to get a fridge nor kitchen yet. I hugged her hard, she said thank you and I left.

Now... Ive been thinking all day about them, but I dont know if I should call to see how they are... I feel vulnerable right now and if she asks me to go there I might go and start cycling again...

Facts: for this past month, she has been partying on and off, hasnt been paying visits to her child daily not even 3 times a week, I believe she has been seeing someone or at least having sexual encounters. In my case I ve been going with the flow with my rupture process one step at a time, day by day... doing stuff I like, trying to reconnect with old friends and working on my hobbie. But there are days which I feel weak, like tonight. I know ex is going through hell right now and I feel I should be there, eventho In my head I know I shouldnt... but still makes me question myself and decisions.

Thank you for reading, what do you think?

[kells76]

Hey GreenGiant, glad you reached out again.

Good to hear you have solid guidance from a therapist about navigating a relationship with your ex's daughter. Sounds like remaining a stable, loving, validating presence in her life as long as possible is the way to go. Putting her needs first, and being willing to get professional input about that, is wise and humble, so kudos for that.

I'm guessing that wherever you are is late in the evening right now? And you recognize that you're feeling vulnerable and possibly prone to falling into old patterns.

You're worried about her daughter's safety, too, and also have some beliefs about how your ex is feeling -- that she's going through hell.

And, also, while part of your mind recognizes that you shouldn't go over there, another part is strongly drawn to the idea.

...

GreenGiant, have you heard of the acronym "HALT"? It stands for "hungry, angry, lonely, tired", and reminds us that when we're experiencing any of those states, we aren't making decisions from a balanced "wisemind" place.

Do you recognize any of those affecting you tonight?

What would it be like to take care of yourself well tonight, and "give yourself permission" to revisit the "should I go or call or should I not" question tomorrow morning?