I love my ex, so why is she trying to hurt me?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So, I broke up with my bpd ex girlfriend (undiagnosed) 3 weeks ago for the fourth time, and this time I Think it’s for good. We had a turbulent relationship with multiple push-pull episodes. I felt I did my best in out relationship to make her happy and loved, but she continuously didn’t recognize it and tried pushing me away half the time. I had enough and I walked away. This time she seemed indifferent to it. The other times she cried and begged me not to leave. This time she said it would never be the two of us again and asked for her key back. The days after she posted several pictures on Instagram showing how happy she was. I did NC for five days. Then she unfriended me on insta and facebook. I still did NC and then she blocked me. That was five days ago and yesterday she matched with my close friend on Tinder and wrote to him that she would like a date with him. He immediately send me a screenshot and unmatched her as he was just interested in seeing whether she would actually follow through with him. She knows for sure that he would tell me. My questions are: Why would she do this? Does she seek my attention or does she just want to hurt me? I don’t understand, because she hasn’t tried to contact me since we broke up.  I hoped that we could somehow reconcile and get her into therapy, as she said she would a while ago. However, I was extremely hurt by this act. Is it over or does she do this so I sil make the first move and write to her?

[Anonymous53]

So, I broke up with my bpd ex girlfriend (undiagnosed) 3 weeks ago for the fourth time, and this time I Think it’s for good. We had a turbulent relationship with multiple push-pull episodes. I felt I did my best in out relationship to make her happy and loved, but she continuously didn’t recognize it and tried pushing me away half the time. I had enough and I walked away. This time she seemed indifferent to it. The other times she cried and begged me not to leave. This time she said it would never be the two of us again and asked for her key back. The days after she posted several pictures on Instagram showing how happy she was. I did NC for five days. Then she unfriended me on insta and facebook. I still did NC and then she blocked me. That was five days ago and yesterday she matched with my close friend on Tinder and wrote to him that she would like a date with him. He immediately send me a screenshot and unmatched her as he was just interested in seeing whether she would actually follow through with him. She knows for sure that he would tell me. My questions are: Why would she do this? Does she seek my attention or does she just want to hurt me? I don’t understand, because she hasn’t tried to contact me since we broke up.  I hoped that we could somehow reconcile and get her into therapy, as she said she would a while ago. However, I was extremely hurt by this act. Is it over or does she do this so I sil make the first move and write to her?

[IntoTheWind]

This is how I'd interpret it based on my experience but everyone is different. She's hurting you for sure. She definitely wants you to message her because it shows that you were hurt by it, but this doesn't mean she cares about you in the way you want her to. If you did message her she'd seem very innocent and act as if what she did was innocuous because you're single. The relationship wasn't what you think it is, and the disorder runs so much deeper than you think.

Beneath all of this abuse is probably a burning desire to know that she mattered, because she probably isn't sure.