BPD Love & Splitting Question

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From how I understand it, a pwBPD does not “love” someone the same way a non does. The “love” they feel is a strong emotion, but it is linked to an idealized concept that they have of the person before them. What they “love” is a projection of what the pwBPD sees. The BPD individual does not see the non for who they really are.

Also from what I understand, the closer a non gets romantically with a pwBPD, the more adverse and destructive the behavior from the BPD. In a nutshell, the more intimate the BPD individual is feeling with the non, the more they will sabotage, split, act out, etc.

However I am confused by this. If the BPD individual does not see the non for who they really are, why would intimacy cause them to act out more. Who is the BPD individual getting closer to? Over time are they actually starting to see the non, and a real bond is wanting to form, and is that what they are acting out on due to fear? Or is it something else?

Any clarification would be greatly appreciated. Is my understanding of this process off?

Deep Blue

[Deep Blue]

From how I understand it, a pwBPD does not “love” someone the same way a non does. The “love” they feel is a strong emotion, but it is linked to an idealized concept that they have of the person before them. What they “love” is a projection of what the pwBPD sees. The BPD individual does not see the non for who they really are.

Also from what I understand, the closer a non gets romantically with a pwBPD, the more adverse and destructive the behavior from the BPD. In a nutshell, the more intimate the BPD individual is feeling with the non, the more they will sabotage, split, act out, etc.

However I am confused by this. If the BPD individual does not see the non for who they really are, why would intimacy cause them to act out more. Who is the BPD individual getting closer to? Over time are they actually starting to see the non, and a real bond is wanting to form, and is that what they are acting out on due to fear? Or is it something else?

Any clarification would be greatly appreciated. Is my understanding of this process off?

Deep Blue