Personal Inventory Results

[Ad Meliora]

Mode ---------------------------------- Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached Self-Soother Self-aggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult

Tendency -------------- -- -- -- -- Mod High -- -- -- Mod -- -- High High

Avg -------- 2.1 2.4 1.2 1.22222222222222 2.83333333333333 4.4 2.57142857142857 1.66666666666667 1.5 2.8 1.55555555555556 2.1 3.8 5.7

4+ ------- 0 0 0 0 2 9 1 0 0 3 1 2 5 10

Compare to GP ------------------- Above norm Above norm -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- Above norm Above norm Above norm

Tendency refers to the schema frameworks by which I may function.
Average is the mean of the numerical answers that I provided for each schema mode (rated from 1-6).
4+ is the number of the answers of 4 or higher that I provided for each schema mode.
"Above norm" is greater than 1 standard deviation from the mean (average) - stronger tendencies than the general population.
in other words, statistically higher than the general population.

[grumpydonut]

Hi mate,

I can't make edits to the sheet. How did you overcome that?

[poppy2]

Thanks for sharing.

would you also like to share your thoughts/ reactions to the schema? what works for you, were you surprised by any results, etc.?

[ILMBPDC]

Nothing I didn't know already, but interesting to see it laid out.  I'm glad to see I have at least some healthy adult in me

Mode ---------------------------------- Vulnerable child Angry Child Enraged Child Impulsive Child Undisciplined Child Happy Child Compliant Surrender Detached Protector Detached Self-Soother Self-aggrandizer Bully and Attack mode Punishing Parent Demanding Parent Healthy Adult

Tendency --------------  High  --  --  --  --  --  High  High  --  --  --  --  High  High

Avg --------  3.80  2.10  1.00  1.22  2.00  2.70  4.86  3.44  3.00  2.00  1.11  1.60  3.90  4.10

4+ ------- 5 2 0 0 0 2 6 5 1 1 0 0 6 6

Compare to GP ------------------- Above norm -- -- -- -- -- Above norm Above norm Above norm -- -- -- Above norm --

Tendency refers to the schema frameworks by which I may function.
Average is the mean of the numerical answers that I provided for each schema mode (rated from 1-6).
4+ is the number of the answers of 4 or higher that I provided for each schema mode.
"Above norm" is greater than 1 standard deviation from the mean (average) - stronger tendencies than the general population.
in other words, statistically higher than the general population.

I can't make edits to the sheet. How did you overcome that?

Are you getting the yellow bar at the top of excel telling you its protected because it came from the internet? You should just be able to click the button on that bar.

[Ad Meliora]

would you also like to share your thoughts/ reactions to the schema? what works for you, were you surprised by any results, etc.?

I'm not completely sure what to make of it, to tell you the truth Poppy.  Just put it out there.  I'm maybe a little surprised that the "Vulnerable Child" isn't higher because that lonely child post over on the Narcis thread really seemed to fit the bill of what I experienced.  It just gets at my theory that "There's a BPD for everyone" and that they find the place you are "Vulnerable" and exploit it.

I'd focus on the Healthy Adult & Happy Child.  I'm sure if I go through and take the test again those numbers might boost and some of the others recede, but that's what came out of my at 2am my time.  So it's prolly a decent snapshot.

Yeah ILM, we have some things that line up, maybe that's why we attracted our local flavor of "BPD Nice" here in our locale. 

[poppy2]

I'm not completely sure what to make of it, to tell you the truth Poppy.  Just put it out there.  I'm maybe a little surprised that the "Vulnerable Child" isn't higher because that lonely child post over on the Narcis thread really seemed to fit the bill of what I experienced.  It just gets at my theory that "There's a BPD for everyone" and that they find the place you are "Vulnerable" and exploit it.

I'd focus on the Healthy Adult & Happy Child.  I'm sure if I go through and take the test again those numbers might boost and some of the others recede, but that's what came out of my at 2am my time.  So it's prolly a decent snapshot.

Yeah ILM, we have some things that line up, maybe that's why we attracted our local flavor of "BPD Nice" here in our locale. 

Yeah it's nice that you both share it. Next time I have the energy and also am at a computer I'll take the test and share it too

I like your comment about the' right sort of vulnerable'.. ouch. Still smarts.

[Ad Meliora]

No other takers?  I was hoping for some sharers besides me and ILM.  If you have the spreadsheet you get a little more info.  The last column that shows "above" average is based on standard deviations from the mean of the general population.  1 or more, you're above average.  I'm guessing the "Tendency" is based on the 5 that stand out?  A best guess, I don't know, I'd have to understand more about how that was set up.

I can see changing one answer and answering differently on the "Self-Aggrandizer" Schema and being at the mean.  The mean, 2.3. My number 2.8 not a standard deviation from the mean.

I've read the Schema's.  Healthy Adult and Happy Child are what I feel I'm running, but 2010's post on the "Lonely Child" really seemed to describe the situation I experienced fairly well.  There was a spot in me that had that, and it was exposed by my BPDex.*

*this is mostly for your benefit once removed.  My ex hid taking her anti-depressants from me along with many other behaviors.  She wanted me to pretend they didn't exist.  I wasn't with her long enough to have her open up about childhood trauma.  From things she briefly mentioned I suspect sexual trauma or some serious abandonment as being the youngest of 8 children, by far (Her brother was in Viet nam, for example, my Father was in Viet Nam, she was only a year older).  I suspect in having dialogues here that she indeed did have a diagnosis and that was likely BPD.  I am not sure to whom she would ever, ever share that with.  If she did not have a PD, I likely would've went to the bar with my mates had several rounds of beers, and said 'onward and up-ward' and been done with it.  But that isn't exactly what happened.  A strange and twisted loop of thinking was created, and it may be as you say she was like me enough that what she said really stuck with me.  That loop would not be put down with a lager drink, a cider drink, a vodka drink or any other type of self-medication.  I will continue to refer to her as my BPDex, as that's my best understanding and approximation using the tools and rulers at hand.

[grumpydonut]

Sorry Ad. I couldn't manage to get it to work.

[Ad Meliora]

Sorry Ad. I couldn't manage to get it to work.

Let me talk you through it, maybe.  You have to go to tab 2 on the spreadsheet labeled "Test".  Did you find that?  Then you have to get the numbers into column "b" or the second column--i mistakenly entered them into column 3, just transferred them over.  It should work if you have your protections off.  It's a little tricky, I'll say.  Give it another crack!

[poppy2]

Sorry Ad. I couldn't manage to get it to work.

Hi Grumpy,

I managed to get it work by opening the excel spreadsheet in google drive... it didn't work on my computer, but it did work this way.

[poppy2]

Mode   Tendency   Avg   Hits ≥ 4   Hits ≥ 5   GP Mean   +1 S dev   Respondent
Vulnerable child    --    0.0   0   0   1.47   1.98   --
Angry Child    --            0.0   0   0   1.81   2.29   --
Enraged Child    --    0.0   0   0   1.20   1.49   --
Impulsive Child    --    0.0   0   0   2.15   2.68   --
Undisciplined Child   0.0   0   0   2.27   2.87   --
Happy Child    --            0.0   0   0   4.52   5.06   --
Compliant Surrender    0.0   0   0   2.51   3.07   --
Detached Protector   0.0   0   0   1.59   2.11   --
Detached Self-Soother0.0   0   0   1.93   2.58   --
Self-aggrandizer    --    0.0   0   0   2.31   2.90   --
Bully and Attack mode0.0   0   0   1.72   2.23   --
Punishing Parent    0.0   0   0   1.47   1.86   --
Demanding Parent    0.0   0   0   3.06   3.66   --
Healthy Adult    --    0.0   0   0   4.60   5.16   --

Honestly I don't know about this questionaire... because for many of the questions, those to do with anger, feeling hopeless, and connectivity with others, I really felt like i had two angers: one that I can give now with C-PTSD and depression, and one that I would give usually. I struggle with anger now but that's a legitimate response to bad personal boundary violations.. anyway, my scores on this aren't above the norm but I kind of wished for a test that could be more "temporally" appropriate, i.e. "in the course of your life, would you answer a/b/c," rather than "right now would you answer"...

[marv1995]

Mode
----------------------------------
Vulnerable child
Angry Child
Enraged Child
Impulsive Child
Undisciplined Child
Happy Child
Compliant Surrender
Detached Protector
Detached Self-Soother
Self-aggrandizer
Bully and Attack mode
Punishing Parent
Demanding Parent
Healthy Adult
[/td][td]
Tendency
--------------
 Mod
 Mod
 --
 Mod
 High
 --
 High
 --
 --
 --
 --
 Mod
 High
 High
[/td][td]
Avg
--------
 3.00
 2.60
 1.00
 2.78
 3.33
 3.10
 5.14
 1.56
 3.00
 2.10
 1.44
 2.70
 4.00
 3.50
[/td][td]
4+
-------
4
3
0
3
3
1
6
0
1
1
0
3
6
4
[/td][td]
Compare to GP
-------------------
Above norm
Above norm
--
Above norm
Above norm
--
Above norm
--
Above norm
--
--
Above norm
Above norm
--
[/td][/tr][/table]

[marv1995]

Hmm, not sure why mine posted that way. Anyway, I scored high on "undisciplined child", "compliant surrender", "demanding parent", and "healthy adult" (that one as a shocker). Lol.
                           

                           

[Ad Meliora]

Thanks Marv1995 for sharing your results.  You can always try and cut and paste the spreadsheet cells 1-92 exactly as they are and instructed.  You can use the "Preview" button below on your post to see how they look.  If it doesn't look right (with some coding and formats listed) it probably won't display right. 

Hey, at least you got a good dose of "healthy adult" in you!  A friend of mine is a life coach and she said what she liked about that versus traditional psychology (which she was also trained in) was that life coaching focuses on what is going right in your world and trying to enhance that.  Whereas psychology focuses on what is wrong with you and how to fix (medicate, eliminate, institutionalize) that.

You've got some things working for you here including the healthy adult.  You came across this toxic r/s while you're young so you have a chance to learn and heal from it relatively early in life.  It means by the time you get to be my age you likely will be in a r/s that is much more fulfilling for you and you'll have a good understanding of what the drivers of that r/s are.  I think of Tim-the-toolman-Taylor who was a character on the show "Home Improvement" in the 90s'.  He said, "If it was built by men, it can be fixed by men!"  I think there's a lot of truth there.  I built the lonely child schema.  I can un-build it.  I wrote the fantasy that was the r/s with my BPDex.  I can re-write it.

When I graduated college in 1995 I got my two degrees and thought I had all the answers, and at the time I did.  Now, I have a lot of advice, but no answers.  Only more questions.  It's harder to change your thinking patterns as you get older, but not impossible.  Think of your parents, you think those guys can learn new tricks? ha ha.  I'm not sure you should answer that.

I know it's been a struggle for you Marv1995 and you'd like this to be solved and fixed in the immediate term.  Sometimes it helps to picture yourself 6 months down the line, will you really care about all the things you're worried about today in the same way?  Would you still want to be thinking about your (loser) BPDex then?  Your completeness, resilience, and ability to love wasn't taken away by your ex.  It's still there, it just has to be nurtured a bit, grown and better understood.

I had a plant that was giving me trouble.  It was given to me by my Bipdex when I first moved in to my house 18 years ago.  It lost all its leaves and was suffering, I wasn't sure why.  I got tired of fighting it and pulled it out of it's pot and threw it in a planter box next to my compost bin because that's where it was going.  I hesitated about throwing it out, because I suspected I had overwatered it.  It sat there through extreme heat conditions and did nothing for 6 weeks but look dead and get chewed on by the occasional squirrel.  The beginning of week 7 I saw some new buds on it, so I quickly planted it in the planter box where I had discarded it 2 months earlier.  It started to grow again. I nurtured it through the summer and then I replanted it in a larger pot and it is now back in my living room again, thriving.  The plant had everything inside of it to grow again and live to be 100 if properly cared for.  It just needed the right conditions and for the abuse to stop long enough for it to start over again.

[once removed]

theres an old video that gives some layman examples/impressions of some of these schemas, like a good example of the detached protector.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Do6owMR1hSY

edit: additionally, a lot more information about these schemas on this channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMMU3i8iykw