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How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
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Author Topic: What happens when an uBPD spouse goes too far doing something she cant get over  (Read 177 times)
olafinski

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 36


« on: November 29, 2021, 05:14:09 PM »

Married for 14 years. From the start I knew something eas strange but I thought, well I am damaged goods also.
Some teo years ago I heard about BPD and it all started making sense.
We have an 11yo son, very attached to both of us and to the idea of family. I decided long ago that I will persist in this marriage no matter what ar least until he is 18.
So the only thing is - what happens when your uBPD partner crosses the line that she jas trouble crossing back?
When shame is just too big. Its not that I blame her. Its that when she is OK she is more and more aware that our son i suffering. I spoke to him and he realises that something is different with mom, but he would rather keep up with it if we stay together. And if we divorce we said he wants to go with the parent that did not want to divorce “because the other one is aggressive”. He means her because he know i never speak about the divorce.
Its all breaking my heart totally
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GaGrl
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 5337



« Reply #1 on: November 29, 2021, 05:17:08 PM »

I'm so sorry. My husband stayed with his uBPD/NPD x because of their children, and it was about ages 12-14 that the stress began to show with the children.

Is your son in therapy?
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"...what's past is prologue; what to come,
In yours and my discharge."
Notwendy
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
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« Reply #2 on: November 30, 2021, 06:30:29 AM »

11 year olds don't have the perspective of an adult. They are not equipped to handle disordered behavior. They also don't have a full idea of a marital relationship.

Yes, of course consider the child's feelings and well being, but the child does not get to choose in this situation - he doesn't have the capacity to choose in his best interest. It's up to the adults to make this decision. If you did go through with a divorce, it will also be up to the courts and you would need a lawyer to help you with this. I think counseling for children going through a divorce is a good idea.

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