Hi VeronicaL,
In that text...He was very engaging, answered me right away as we went back and forth and offered to answer questions I had. I was going to but family came unexpectedly, so I said ,"Later would be better for me, so thanks". Didn't answer with an ok..I have no idea why but...
Saw him the next day out and in passing, and he avoided me. and ignored me like strangers.
This was one of the qualities about disordered people that it took a long time for me to fully accept. They connect and disconnect from people in a very different manner. For me, my attachment to people is more contiguous, in the sense that because I was once attached to them, I don’t become detached without a lot of time having passed and even still I might still feel attached to them because of our history. For disordered people, it’s like their attachment is a light switch: on or off. And it can be on or off in an instance.
So in once instance, the rapport feels familiar like it never changed. Then in the next instance, nothing…. This can feel unnerving for non-disordered people to witness in their disordered loved ones.
However...still if I pass by, or we are near each other..avoids me, won't say a word. Will even look at me and not say hello.
I have no idea why but it hurts to feel cast away and angers me too.
I ran into an old high school prom date who I believe (now) is disordered. I was with a friend who was also acquainted with the woman (so it wasn’t just me). I just wanted to say hello (we had parted ways in a less than ideal fashion) and express some regret over how things ended. However, she proceed to indicate that she did not know who I was (or who my friend was who also recognized her). She then apologized for not recognizing us (the prom was only 6 years previous - it was not ancient history).
Maybe she completely blotted out all memory of me. Maybe it was an honest reaction due to the nature of her disorder. I don’t really know.
It’s hurtful and angering because it’s a complete invalidation of you as a person. You no longer exist to them. And how they felt about you never existed to them. It feels like some kind of effort to mess with your mind. But I think it’s sincere behavior. Sincere, disordered behavior.
So..Is it normal to behave this way and able to control it in public for the image?
It might be common behavior for someone who is disordered. However, I would not qualify it as “normal” behavior.
It really sucks I wish I could stop thinking about it daily. Is this bc he hates me for what I don't know or it it about his shame in behavior? I cannot imagine making it worse..lkke just say hello.
It sucks. It’s a kind of grief-work that you will need to attend to for sometime. Don’t think too hard on the rationale behind his behavior - just trust that it is disordered. Or if you are like me, then you may devote quite a lot of time trying to understand the why; whatever it takes to help you accept the truth.
Best wishes,
Schwing
