I’m new and broken

[Lgm]

My guilt in leaving is intense.
I was intoxicated by the good love and minimized the bad.
I’m worried about his health.
It was definitely a loaded relationship. 
I recognize I was living a lie.  I wanted the fairytale.
I still love him but know I’m his trigger and it is responsible to leave…for his chance to get well, but my burden of pain. 
I’m hurting so bad.  I’m a shell of the girl power individual I once was and have a tendency to seek out another relationship that just makes me a caretaker of their happiness and not my own.   

[Rev]

Hey There LGM,

Thank you for the heartfelt testimony. Takes courage to be real and I just wanted to affirm that. 

And ... welcome!  I'm sorry that you are where you are, and I am happy that you have found us.  This place was a real place of grounding in my own healing.

Have you looked around here?  There are tools and articles here.  Most times, we invite people to spend some time in the site to see if there are questions that pop up as a way to start a helpful conversation.

Or - perhaps there's something on your heart right now?  Feel free to vent if you need to.

Regardless, welcome.  You're safe here and people are wanting what's best for you.

Rev

[Woolspinner2000]

Lgm, 

I want to join Rev in welcoming you. The initial pain after leaving can be excruciating.  We understand. The tough part is in hanging on to get through it, one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. It's a big step to see that going back or seeking to meet those empty places inside us by getting into another relationship won't help.

...have a tendency to seek out another relationship that just makes me a caretaker of their happiness and not my own.     

What types of things are you becoming aware of as you look inside yourself? What bits of light are there?

 
Wools