Rewriting events after the breakup, even after they apologized.

[Depression = 72% of members]

Something absolutely mind blowing I experienced was how he admitted and apologized for certain mistakes, but would completely rewrite the story in his head after he devalued me and idealized the new person.

He apologized for rubbing the new girl in my face and apologized for how controlling and paranoid he was during the relationship with me. Well, once he found my replacement, and during our closure conversation, it well went like:

We were long distance:
"Our relationship ended because you weren't satisfied with cyber sex and it was causing problems between us, we can't try again because you wouldn't be able to endure the distance".

That was a complete lie. I left the relationship because he was tremendously controlling and he was constantly accusing me of things I never did. He wasn't letting me even go to the gym. Kept micromanaging my clothes and social media and creating drama and chaos out of nowhere. Sex was hard, but it wasn't even the real reason. Of course cyber sex wasn't satisfying, but he made it feel that was the main reason for me. I literally went out of the relationship and even four months after I haven't had sex yet. It has never been a priority for me. It was complete blame shifting.

Another thing he completely lied about:
"You rubbed the guys you started talking in my face first".
That was another complete lie and invention. When I confronted him with that and told him I could even swear to God he was the one who started rubbing the new girl in my face on purpose to hurt me, he started saying "okay, what if I did? I already apologized, stop bringing it up". But he was literally trying to reinvent the past before he found himself with no escape.

He even invented the following statement: "you left me because you wanted me to chase you". I was like wtf. I told him that if his ego needed to believe that, let him believe that. He threatened to hang up the phone again.

He totally idealized this new person. Started shouting on the phone that he loved her (in a month after the breakup) and that she was sacrificing a lot for him. I became this girl who's resentful and with whom he doesn't have compatibility. Whenever I tried to bring facts  and say how much X or Z hurt me, he either started saying "it wasn't that bad" or literally "if you bring up the past I'll hang up the phone". There was literally no way to make him see his own actions. He would literally get hysterically mad at me and threaten to hang up, he wanted to just put dirt on me while I remained silent. All his hate comes because I left. I was just shocked by how he rewrote the past and changed the narrative in his head, even if he actually apologized for certain actions few days after the breakup. The more time passes and the more they idealize the new person, the more you and everything you had in the past gets devalued.

Why does this happen? Why are they so so allergic to admitting fault? I was a loyal and sacrificial girlfriend too, he loved me immensely as long as I did everything he wanted. It all ended because I refused to give up on the gym.

[Pearl111]

Something absolutely mind blowing I experienced was how he admitted and apologized for certain mistakes, but would completely rewrite the story in his head after he devalued me and idealized the new person.

He apologized for rubbing the new girl in my face and apologized for how controlling and paranoid he was during the relationship with me. Well, once he found my replacement, and during our closure conversation, it well went like:

We were long distance:
"Our relationship ended because you weren't satisfied with cyber sex and it was causing problems between us, we can't try again because you wouldn't be able to endure the distance".

That was a complete lie. I left the relationship because he was tremendously controlling and he was constantly accusing me of things I never did. He wasn't letting me even go to the gym. Kept micromanaging my clothes and social media and creating drama and chaos out of nowhere. Sex was hard, but it wasn't even the real reason. Of course cyber sex wasn't satisfying, but he made it feel that was the main reason for me. I literally went out of the relationship and even four months after I haven't had sex yet. It has never been a priority for me. It was complete blame shifting.

Another thing he completely lied about:
"You rubbed the guys you started talking in my face first".
That was another complete lie and invention. When I confronted him with that and told him I could even swear to God he was the one who started rubbing the new girl in my face on purpose to hurt me, he started saying "okay, what if I did? I already apologized, stop bringing it up". But he was literally trying to reinvent the past before he found himself with no escape.

He even invented the following statement: "you left me because you wanted me to chase you". I was like wtf. I told him that if his ego needed to believe that, let him believe that. He threatened to hang up the phone again.

He totally idealized this new person. Started shouting on the phone that he loved her (in a month after the breakup) and that she was sacrificing a lot for him. I became this girl who's resentful and with whom he doesn't have compatibility. Whenever I tried to bring facts  and say how much X or Z hurt me, he either started saying "it wasn't that bad" or literally "if you bring up the past I'll hang up the phone". There was literally no way to make him see his own actions. He would literally get hysterically mad at me and threaten to hang up, he wanted to just put dirt on me while I remained silent. All his hate comes because I left. I was just shocked by how he rewrote the past and changed the narrative in his head, even if he actually apologized for certain actions few days after the breakup. The more time passes and the more they idealize the new person, the more you and everything you had in the past gets devalued.

Why does this happen? Why are they so so allergic to admitting fault? I was a loyal and sacrificial girlfriend too, he loved me immensely as long as I did everything he wanted. It all ended because I refused to give up on the gym.

[Turkish]

This all sounds like extreme emotional Immaturity, what do you think?

It's been said about pwBPD that "lying feels like survival." That's because what has worked in the past... works, even of dysfunctional.

I mentioned this incident to my ex years later, and she seemed pained that she didn't remember it, age credit to her that she didn't deny it. She was cooking dinner. I let our baby son fall asleep on my shoulder before his bath time. Dreading the response, I walked into the kitchen to tell her, then I walked out. She slammed the fridge door hard enough to spill the door contents onto the floor and made a huge mess. It was the only time I was afraid of her.

She didn't remember. Her brain processed the event differently to the point of not remembering.

This isn't told to excuse pwBPD, but to illustrate the differences in world-views, and even situational realities. Were our roles reversed, I have no doubt that she'd never forget if I were violent.

[Pearl111]

This all sounds like extreme emotional Immaturity, what do you think?

It's been said about pwBPD that "lying feels like survival." That's because what has worked in the past... works, even of dysfunctional.

I mentioned this incident to my ex years later, and she seemed pained that she didn't remember it, age credit to her that she didn't deny it. She was cooking dinner. I let our baby son fall asleep on my shoulder before his bath time. Dreading the response, I walked into the kitchen to tell her, then I walked out. She slammed the fridge door hard enough to spill the door contents onto the floor and made a huge mess. It was the only time I was afraid of her.

She didn't remember. Her brain processed the event differently to the point of not remembering.

This isn't told to excuse pwBPD, but to illustrate the differences in world-views, and even situational realities. Were our roles reversed, I have no doubt that she'd never forget if I were violent.

I totally relate to that. It seems to me that they have selective memory or selective amnesia. My ex with BPD used to coerce me into engaging in cyber sex with him when I didn't feel like (mostly due to embarrassment) by using quotes in the Bible such as "husband and wife owe each other their bodies". We weren't even husband and wife. I brought it up in an argument we had and he just absolutely denied having said that. I couldn't believe my ears. Apart from flat out denial, he would also rewrite the last and project his shameful actions onto me until he felt cornered to accept responsibility for them. I think it is all related to shame. They purposefully rewrite or forget shameful actions to justify how they treat us.

[Turkish]

Core shame is at the center of the disorder.