I just broke codependency for the first time in my life, I think.

[NarcsEverywhere]

So, I did a bunch of stuff today, the only reason was for myself, and I just kept asserting my right to do stuff just because I want to, and for myself, and made everything about me, and that's it. And I did this, and I felt a love of peace and freedom, and then, I felt alone and angry and sad and hurt. I thought I was gonna have to give up the pets to feel free, because honestly, I didn't know what healthy love looked like. And I went back to the pets and loved one of them, and felt this weird healthy connection to him where you could feel out the boundaries and respect what each other wants, and honestly I'd feel sorry for myself, for not getting it before, but I think it's so awesome to have experienced this, WOW!

[NarcsEverywhere]

Just a follow up, and I went to the hospital with a tooth infection, because I've neglected myself/been abused, and my Dad waited up late because he said he didn't have the key, in the past he'd abandon me at the hospital and mistreat me on the way there/home. I did it on my own, and I got home and felt damned proud of myself. It's so weird actually caring for yourself, because you actually say "I matter", when your entire life you've lived in codependency. I feel so proud of myself, because I've been walking further and doing more, and putting myself before the pets, because I matter, not for the pets, but because of me, and I gotta be honest, it breaks my heart that I never have experienced this until recently, self love. But it's amazing to feel so empowered and capable, because you actually prioritize yourself first. I feel so much stronger and capable. I can tell my Dad feels sad tonight, when I didn't thank him for staying up because he didn't know if I had the key. I feel kind of angry that he made a way to make it about him.