Splitting: False Memories/Highly Detailed Factual Accuracy in BPD

[Amina]

The oddest thing when my partner splits me into a devaluation phase, the reality testing and made up events do occur, and as if he truly believes them or the distorted exaggerations himself.  When he returns to a grounded, authentic place (the idealization is woven in and out to greater or lesser extent with his ability to be grounded, and tends not to be too fantastical) his memories of our past experiences, facts, and moments together are highly accurate and factual, and detailed-- sometimes I think more than most people I know.  I don't know if anyone else has experienced this quality?

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[waverider]

My experience with my pwBPD is that they can take accurate snapshots and quotes and file them away. However they are filed away without any context. Down the track they can be pulled out like so many cut and paste snippets and applied to suit any context of the moment. This is what can play with your mind as on the surface it flies close to reality but is actually quite a corrupt retelling leaving you questioning your own recollections as on the surface they appear more accurate, whereas your memory is more biased towards context with the trivial details not so sharp.

[Smedley Butler]

My experience with my pwBPD is that they can take accurate snapshots and quotes and file them away. However they are filed away without any context. Down the track they can be pulled out like so many cut and paste snippets and applied to suit any context of the moment. This is what can play with your mind as on the surface it flies close to reality but is actually quite a corrupt retelling leaving you questioning your own recollections as on the surface they appear more accurate, whereas your memory is more biased towards context with the trivial details not so sharp.

yes yes yes x 1000

my wife pulls stuff out from ten years ago and weaponizes them against me utilizing specific details of the incident, including both her and my motivations and explicit little nitnoid details.  these are thigns that i vaguely remember happening, but dont remember much about the details, so i have no recourse.  meanwhile, she cant remember what we did last week.

I have actually used that exact verbiage to describe this phenomenon - "filing away" little incidents to be pulled from later as a weapon. 

[Amina]

Yes, so far the only detailed recall weapon he pulls out is "I blocked your number so many times" (for anxiety/panic attack, or non-discernible triggers).  The past facts and details he recalls can sometimes be very genuine, positive, and warm when he is not in his splitting of a devaluation phase--as if he is suddenly remembers everything good in our relationship with depth.

[Turkish]

This might help understand it.

BEHAVIORS: Dissociation and Dysphoria

Years after she left, I mentioned an incident where she got triggered when I let our baby fall asleep on my shoulder before his bath. She was making dinner. I dreaded going into the kitchen to tell her. As i left, she slammed the fridge door hard enough to spill the door contents and make a huge mess of broken glass and condiments. It was the only time I was kind of scared of her.

Years later, she told me that she had no recollection of that time, though she believed me, and she seemed pained that she couldn't remember it.

[Amina]

Yes, my partner has had moments of where he splits and sometimes seems very pained and confused as to why he is suddenly pushing me away and can't stop splitting even when I point it out.  Other times he splits and physically runs away and seems completely out of touch with the reality of the situation which is often mild or benign.  When he is done splitting me black, yes, it seems he has no recollection of his cruel words, or sudden pushing away behaviors. I have tried to encourage him to understand his triggers, and he has never explored this before, and has blamed me for what he calls "emotional/physical" triggers--it's a tough time trying to have him understand we all have triggers, and it is his responsibility in a relationship to understand them, and communicate effectively, but when an untreated mental illness it is fair to say he probably can't communicate them effectively without DBT or a 12-step.

[LifewithEase]

My uBPDw has so many issues with shame that this shame is the double trigger, the first trigger being anger from the fact that I "remembered something so false."

[mjh]

BPD feelings become reality, so memories are either ignored or shaped to meet the feelings and therefore reality.

You will constantly find yourself in bitter arguments over some perceived slight and realize three hours into it that they have a completely different recollection of the facts.

At first you will assume that you misremembered- maybe you had too much to drink or you weren't paying attention.

After a while you will realize that they are either forgetting key parts of the incident that would make you look reasonable, characterizing things you actually said in the worst possible light, or simply making things up- things you said, things you did.  They will mix actual facts with imagined facts.

 'I know you had an affair with XXXX because you didn't text me until after lunch that day and that one time at dinner you told her she looked nice'.

Feelings=reality. 

[Amina]

One of the most distorted baffling things I've experienced is they suddenly start talking about other women and making up details and events for half-fantastical/famous women, women he is not really interested in, women that don't exist, or women he never really talked to, or doesn't/didn't get to know very well.