Hello, this is my first time posting. I have been in a relationship for almost 8 years (On and off) with someone that I knew had severe abandonment issues among a ton of other things that occurred in his childhood & we were finally able to determine he has BPD, Anxiety, Depression, and possibly OCD & more. I explained away his issues because we have an age difference, then because his mother that abandoned him as a child, died 2 months after I met her, he was retriggered with abandonment issues. Then because he is so insecure I excused his cheating (Online) because he so desperately needs to feel acceptance and loved by someone other than me since he knows I love him unconditionally.
He has never had a healthy role model in his life and due to some health issues, he has had women not always treat him well. I think he is a sex addict due to porn etc. which I think was his "teacher" growing up. He hits on every woman he comes across and if they engage back, he has an affair. This has caused him problems at work many times & to have to couch surf with people when I would make him leave after finding out. He would beg me to let him back, make excuses for everything, say he will get counseling, love bomb me for about 6-8 months, then he would get bored or need attention and cheat again. He also had a severe problem with lying, but I feel he has gotten much better with that at least.
He finally agreed to get counseling a month ago and for the 1st time in his life he is opening up about things that were very painful for him, and for things he's done that he feels ashamed of, the way he has treated me included. He Loaths himself & can't stand facing things he has done. This counseling has opened a can of worms and now he is off the hook with his emotions. He was laid off the only real job he had. He lost his car because he couldn't pay for it (which is good because he has been in many wrecks and has had many tickets & I was just waiting for him).
He won't allow me to speak about my feelings about things he's done to me because he said he will probably kill himself if he truly faces everything he has done to me & said he will do couples counseling with me and we can talk about it there where he feels safe to open up.
I am the only person that is always there for him. His friends, family, people he cheated on me with all leave and want nothing to do with him because he is too much to handle. His father and him never really had a relationship and his father is an abusive alcoholic and drug addict. If I get mad about something small, he gets into obsessive thinking and makes me tell him over and over that I love him. It is exhausting. If I catch him doing something like lying or cheating, he flips out to crazy levels because he can't deal with guilt/shame and because he feels I will abandon him and in the past it ended with police involvement because he can't calm down. He will go on and on about his thoughts/feelings for what seems like an hour. If I respond and say one word, he flips out and says over and over that no one listens to him. This is a common thing that he complained about others doing with him (Friends/bosses/people he lived with when I made him leave in the past)
I definitely have PTSD from all he has put me through over the years physically, emotionally, cheating, financially and now if he gets amped up I also go into fight or flight and our arguments get insanely loud because I go into protective mode because although he doesn't touch me now, he gets in my face and screams.
We have sought out many counselors over the years, but he has flirted with some apparently so they had to stop service. He has seen male counselors, but he said he never really opened up.
I don't know how much longer I can support him & he is in no condition to look for a job because he is an emotional mess. If I have him leave I fear he will do something to himself or to my home. When he get's amped up he becomes extremely irrational and make threats. He has even said if I call the police he will make sure that I get arrested and he will then start hitting himself in the head so it looks like I hit him. One time he tied a cord around his neck and acted like he passed out & I found him on the floor, I got it off and started doing CPR and he started laughing. Things got worse and I called the police, but he jumped the fence and got away. The officer called him and he told them I tried strangling him with a cord. The officer said he would have had to arrest me because of the mark on his neck if they saw this, which is INSANE. This was many years ago and he has not been that out of control, but I will never forget that and fear what he could do.
If I have him leave there literally is no one that will take him in, he has not job, no where to stay, no transportation. He left of his own will before because he had a place to go, but he has burned all those bridges. He has been homeless before and things happened so he goes crazy just thinking about having to stay in a shelter.
He said if the counseling doesn't work, he will leave on his own, but I don't believe that.
Is there anyone on here that has been with someone that has behaviors this severe and if so, were you able to get the help you needed?
Help
