Dumped by ex-girlfriend overnight

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hey, I hope everyone is doing okay. I am a new member (sadly) but I am glad to meet y'all!
 
My ex-girlfriend (diagnosed pwBPD) and I were together for about 4 & 1/2 months. We made acquaintance 2 or 3 months prior to that, were seeing each other pretty much everyday because we had a lot of friends in common, and quickly become close friends. We would often smoke, drink alcohol, eat out, study , or even just chill and watch a movie together (not always one-to-one, but rather with those friends in common). She and I had a lot in common, either personality traits or centers of interest (same favorite artists, same favorite movies, same opinions, etc. I'd almost say pretty much the same mentality). This obviously got us even closer untill we started dating.

When we got together, we were living in the same appartment. I was happy to have her in my life. Everything was going very well between the two of us; she would often compliment me saying that I am hot, handsome, kind, and funny, and so would I. We would cuddle so much, have sex, watch movies together, go out together, eat out together, drink together, etc. Even though there were some small problems that would arise between the two of us, it'd only take us at most a couple of hours to solve them and move on (trust me I am not delusional or trying to blame her but 99% of the time she was the REASON of these problems, even though she did not necessarily mean to). Then comes the day where we had OUR BIG FIGHT, and I messed up. She then went Silent Treatment for a couple of days untill I reached out to her, we talked about it and "moved on". I reckon that what I did/said is not something you can quickly move on from, I am fully aware of it, but trust me we did with time, and I am not gonna lie I was/am grateful that she gave me and us another chance back at that time. Anyways, time passed by and everything came back to normal, in fact I felt and we both agreed that that problem somehow brought us even closer together, and she let me know more than once that she actually forgave me and is glad we were able to move on. We came back to be a happy couple once again even though we would once in a while have a small issue or two, we always managed to get through. Anyways, we were in love and made sure to tell one another that more than once a day. She claimed that she loved me so much, would not imagine her life without me, said that I was the perfect man, wanted us to marry and have kids and pets, etc. We even had some short-term plans about the upcoming academic year (because marriage and kids are considered long-term plans given that we're still uni). Long story short, there was no single problem/issue between the two of us; to the contrary.
On another note, I personally had some family issues and was not doing that good mentally, and I let her know multiple times that I hold on to her and that just talking to her and having her by my side does me alot of good, and she'd often tell me she loves me, would stay by my side and obvisouly wait for me to "heal" and be a better version of myself. 
Now (we no longer lived together in this phase), there comes a week where I could not reach out to her properly, she would go a whole day or two without giving me her news, and I let her know that this is not something good for a healthy relationship because I can get worried about her (given that she is mentally & physically ill) and she'd apologize and tell me that she knows I am right and she'd not do it again. Yet she'd just repeat the same behavior two or three times in the same week and go MIA for another day and would text me later as if nothing happened even though I let her know that I was not okay. Ultimately, she went MIA once again and had to let her know once and for all that I cannot accept such behaviour, and that: 1/ I actually miss her and need her in my life (fear of engulfment?) & 2/ shall she ever do it again I might leave her because it was clearly tearing me up (fear of abandonment?). Her answer was "I really don't know what to say". We then went 1 or 2 days with no contact untill I sent her a text in order to talk about this situation one last time so that we could move on. Then, her answer was "I am sorry I don't myself with you anymore, I lost feelings for you because I could not forgive you for what you did to me" (refers to the fight I talked about above). Is this common for a pwBPD? I mean she done let me know more than once that she forgave me for it, and that she was to move on because she loved me. Trust me we talked about this more than once, and she always told me she forgot about it and was able to move on. And bear in mind that THREE MONTHS passed between that fight & her dumping me. How could she break up with me for something that occured months earlier, saying that she could not forget about it, while she and we clearly did and both agreed on that?

At first I was flabbergasted how she could go from "I love you so much you're the man of my dream" to "I don't love you anymore" in literally 24 hours! I was so sad and mad, and THANK GOD I found some "answers" in these forum as well as in other platforms such as Quora where people experience pretty much the same as I did. I can't imagine how would I be doing if was discarded like that, without finding these answers.
Eventually, I reached out to her one last time to let her know that there are no hard feelings and that I truly wish her nothing but the best in her life, still didn't get an answer and don't expect or want one, tbh.

Now, I had pretty much gained some knowledge about the situation: I know that I was idealized the beginning, then devalued. I am now painted black, etc. But if you could give me further insight about my situation, I'd be very grateful.

Thank you lot!

[Django]

Hey, I hope everyone is doing okay. I am a new member (sadly) but I am glad to meet y'all!
 
My ex-girlfriend (diagnosed pwBPD) and I were together for about 4 & 1/2 months. We made acquaintance 2 or 3 months prior to that, were seeing each other pretty much everyday because we had a lot of friends in common, and quickly become close friends. We would often smoke, drink alcohol, eat out, study , or even just chill and watch a movie together (not always one-to-one, but rather with those friends in common). She and I had a lot in common, either personality traits or centers of interest (same favorite artists, same favorite movies, same opinions, etc. I'd almost say pretty much the same mentality). This obviously got us even closer untill we started dating.

When we got together, we were living in the same appartment. I was happy to have her in my life. Everything was going very well between the two of us; she would often compliment me saying that I am hot, handsome, kind, and funny, and so would I. We would cuddle so much, have sex, watch movies together, go out together, eat out together, drink together, etc. Even though there were some small problems that would arise between the two of us, it'd only take us at most a couple of hours to solve them and move on (trust me I am not delusional or trying to blame her but 99% of the time she was the REASON of these problems, even though she did not necessarily mean to). Then comes the day where we had OUR BIG FIGHT, and I messed up. She then went Silent Treatment for a couple of days untill I reached out to her, we talked about it and "moved on". I reckon that what I did/said is not something you can quickly move on from, I am fully aware of it, but trust me we did with time, and I am not gonna lie I was/am grateful that she gave me and us another chance back at that time. Anyways, time passed by and everything came back to normal, in fact I felt and we both agreed that that problem somehow brought us even closer together, and she let me know more than once that she actually forgave me and is glad we were able to move on. We came back to be a happy couple once again even though we would once in a while have a small issue or two, we always managed to get through. Anyways, we were in love and made sure to tell one another that more than once a day. She claimed that she loved me so much, would not imagine her life without me, said that I was the perfect man, wanted us to marry and have kids and pets, etc. We even had some short-term plans about the upcoming academic year (because marriage and kids are considered long-term plans given that we're still uni). Long story short, there was no single problem/issue between the two of us; to the contrary.
On another note, I personally had some family issues and was not doing that good mentally, and I let her know multiple times that I hold on to her and that just talking to her and having her by my side does me alot of good, and she'd often tell me she loves me, would stay by my side and obvisouly wait for me to "heal" and be a better version of myself. 
Now (we no longer lived together in this phase), there comes a week where I could not reach out to her properly, she would go a whole day or two without giving me her news, and I let her know that this is not something good for a healthy relationship because I can get worried about her (given that she is mentally & physically ill) and she'd apologize and tell me that she knows I am right and she'd not do it again. Yet she'd just repeat the same behavior two or three times in the same week and go MIA for another day and would text me later as if nothing happened even though I let her know that I was not okay. Ultimately, she went MIA once again and had to let her know once and for all that I cannot accept such behaviour, and that: 1/ I actually miss her and need her in my life (fear of engulfment?) & 2/ shall she ever do it again I might leave her because it was clearly tearing me up (fear of abandonment?). Her answer was "I really don't know what to say". We then went 1 or 2 days with no contact untill I sent her a text in order to talk about this situation one last time so that we could move on. Then, her answer was "I am sorry I don't myself with you anymore, I lost feelings for you because I could not forgive you for what you did to me" (refers to the fight I talked about above). Is this common for a pwBPD? I mean she done let me know more than once that she forgave me for it, and that she was to move on because she loved me. Trust me we talked about this more than once, and she always told me she forgot about it and was able to move on. And bear in mind that THREE MONTHS passed between that fight & her dumping me. How could she break up with me for something that occured months earlier, saying that she could not forget about it, while she and we clearly did and both agreed on that?

At first I was flabbergasted how she could go from "I love you so much you're the man of my dream" to "I don't love you anymore" in literally 24 hours! I was so sad and mad, and THANK GOD I found some "answers" in these forum as well as in other platforms such as Quora where people experience pretty much the same as I did. I can't imagine how would I be doing if was discarded like that, without finding these answers.
Eventually, I reached out to her one last time to let her know that there are no hard feelings and that I truly wish her nothing but the best in her life, still didn't get an answer and don't expect or want one, tbh.

Now, I had pretty much gained some knowledge about the situation: I know that I was idealized the beginning, then devalued. I am now painted black, etc. But if you could give me further insight about my situation, I'd be very grateful.

Thank you lot!

[Django]

Quick Edit: Now that I have had a second look at my post, I figured I have to add some additional information + red flags that I forgot. I am doing so in Reply rather than editing my original post for lisibility, and because I think it's better to do it in bullet points.

-- We are university students. She and I actually come from different cities. Everything from the beginning of the post till the moment when I said I could not reach her properly, happened during an academic semester, so we were both in the same city, living under the same roof. After that, each one was home, in his own city for almost a month without seeing each other face-to-face.
-- When I was mad/sad she would go MIA for a day or two, multiple times, I was not being possessive or overwhelming because since the day we knew each other, we have always been in "instant" contact. Plus she's the type to always be on her phone/laptop, and so am I to some extent; meaning that each one of us was always able to reach the other even when we were not dating. Let alone when she went MIA considering we were having a distance r/s.
-- The reason she claimed why she broke up with me (besides not forgiving me for what I did 3 months earlier) is that "she has to find herself, alone". (I've read here and there that this is common for pwBPD - also known as chronic emptiness?)
-- When I told her I might leave if she continued to be irresponsible & not caring for me & our relationship: I didn't even mean to threaten her, and my text message was not something like "hey there, if you continue this, I'm leaving, goodbye."; it was actually one of many many points I made in a very long text message.
-- I have also read here and there that it is very common for pwBPD to jump from a relationship to another very quickly and easily. It was also the case for her; when she was way younger she was engaged in a 6-year r/s with a guy who she claimed was "the love of her youth". When they broke up, even though she told me it was very tough for her and things went as far as her going to the hospital, she was still able to date a guy only a couple of weeks after her break-up. Then, when she broke up with this last guy, she was FWB with another guy right after, whom she dumped right after when she met another guy who was her last ex before me. Speaking of which, she slept with me only a couple of weeks after she broke up with the latter.
-- She used to tell me more than once how she was never dumped, and that it's actually her who dumps her partners. (does it confirm her fear of abandonment? is it some NPD trait?)

Red Flags: (Things I observed and/or she told me during our r/s, yet did not really pay attention to, like the majority of people dating pwBPD I guess)
-- Mood swings, alot.
-- Severe self-harm.
-- Heavy drug user & addicted to alcohol.
-- No sense of accountability. Never apologizes.
-- Sexually promiscuous.
-- Only one true friend of same sex, all her other friends and best friends are males. (I've read this in multiple posts in this forum, but don't know to which extent it is BPD-related)
-- Unnecessary lying.
-- Unable to have a proper discussion/debate with. Her points of view/opinions are always the "correct" ones, even when you prove her wrong.
-- Temper.
-- Very flirtatious, even with people she didn't even know personally that would just compliment her looks by replying to one of her IG stories.

Now I realize I may have painted her as some sort of monster, trust me she was not. In fact, she was one of the most adorable and nice people I have ever had the chance to meet. We all have our own flaws. Myself I drink alcohol a lot, I enjoy partying, smoke weed a lot, can be flirtatious, or even sexually active.

My only concern/question was and still is:
HOW COULD SHE BREAK UP WITH ME BECAUSE SHE COULD NOT FORGIVE ME FOR SOMETHING I DID/SAID 3 MONTHS EARLIER, WHEREAS WE WERE CLEARLY ABLE TO MOVE ON AND SHE TOLD ME MULTIPLE TIMES SHE FORGAVE ME FOR IT? AND HOW CAN SOMEONE GO FROM "I LOVE SO MUCH, YOU'RE THE MAN OF MY DREAM" TO "I LOST FEELINGS FOR YOU" IN NO LESS THAN 48H?

Is really the answer to my question: "SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY'RE BPD." ?

[capecodling]

HOW COULD SHE BREAK UP WITH ME BECAUSE SHE COULD NOT FORGIVE ME FOR SOMETHING I DID/SAID 3 MONTHS EARLIER, WHEREAS WE WERE CLEARLY ABLE TO MOVE ON AND SHE TOLD ME MULTIPLE TIMES SHE FORGAVE ME FOR IT? AND HOW CAN SOMEONE GO FROM "I LOVE SO MUCH, YOU'RE THE MAN OF MY DREAM" TO "I LOST FEELINGS FOR YOU" IN NO LESS THAN 48H?

When they have painted you black they will find a reason, big or small to break up with you.   

Red Flags: (Things I observed and/or she told me during our r/s, yet did not really pay attention to, like the majority of people dating pwBPD I guess)
-- Mood swings, alot.
-- Severe self-harm.
-- Heavy drug user & addicted to alcohol.
-- No sense of accountability. Never apologizes.
-- Sexually promiscuous.
-- Only one true friend of same sex, all her other friends and best friends are males. (I've read this in multiple posts in this forum, but don't know to which extent it is BPD-related)
-- Unnecessary lying.
-- Unable to have a proper discussion/debate with. Her points of view/opinions are always the "correct" ones, even when you prove her wrong.
-- Temper.
-- Very flirtatious, even with people she didn't even know personally that would just compliment her looks by replying to one of her IG stories.

The ones I have noticed the most with my BPD were:

No sense of accountability. Never apologizes.
Unable to have a proper discussion/debate with.
Very flirtatious, even with people she didn't even know personally.

In addition to these red flags I noticed:

Me feeling constant uneasiness when I was with her
Getting colds / flus / sick to stomach more often
Loved ones of mine LOVED her at first but then started to distance themselves from her
Many of her past close friendships seemed to go bad, even with her female friends, a lot of them would end up painted black
Her children were spoiled, self-centered, and intolerable compared to other kids who I actually tend to like
Constant crisis, financial disasters, emergencies needing my help to rescue her
Feeling like I was "drowning" when I was with her