she dont want me at the abortion appoitment

[kaycee]

   https://www.reddit.com/r/BPDlovedones/comments/158avq9/she_contacted_me_after_discard_shes_pregnant/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
backstory on reddit, but in short discarded and she came back two weeks after that

So I was there 2 weeks after discard, she pissed in front of me , shes really pregnant, we fought a lot at her place and just today again but its like she could smell how much it mattered for me to be there at the appointment and she suddenly started to tell me how shes going to do the abortion alone and shes going there with her sister and after the gynecologist and after abortion she will get in touch with me that its over. over text she wants to let me know that.. PLEASE READed up man

 no she won’t sneaky keep it 100% sure she will abort it.


my thing is how much the I´m pregnant thing hit me, I wished everything was good between us, Im so sad and Its nothing I can do , I would wish to be there to hold her hand , but after our fight today she blocked me everywhere again .
I really thought when she first told me a few days back its gonna change something between us , I mean I got a part of me in her. but nope, still splitting, still blocking the dad of your unborn child..

Anyway we fought today and she blocked me everywhere saying she will go to the appointment with her sister and don’t want me there. she literally contacted me three days ago after changing her number and sunday all good , monday she pushed me away again, we both agreed that we will do this together now she split again crazy.. I’m lost rn cuz I m a good guy and feel responsible to hold her hand and be there for her . She said she will only contact me saying it is done . I feel so depressed about it that I can’t be there. It s like she knew how much it mattered for me and then she took it from me - the same cycle destroying everything that I care about. She said I can go to the doc but won’t let me in and if I want to drive pointless a hour where the doc at she won’t stop me but if I make a scene threatened to do something. I dunno If I should still go and wait in waiting room or if I should just let it be …

[Pook075]

Hey brother, sorry you're going through this.  Many of us have been there and it's horrible.

The best advice I can give is to let her do her own thing, for now at least.  I know you want to be there but there's literally nothing you can say or do when she's in that mindset.  She'll reach out when she's ready to talk.

[ForeverDad]

Trying to show empathy or loyalty doesn't seem the same to a pwBPD.  Probably best to step back since the relationship is supposedly ended?  Sadly, you will probably get Blamed for whatever you do or don't do, say or don't say, it is the way of the Disorder.  You do, though, need to confirm long term whether there is a continued pregnancy that could later mean you're the potential father.

I noticed that the subReddit was consistent on one theme... the BPD never ending and ever changing perceptions limits the ability to have a healthy and functional relationship and overall best to let it End.

For us the ending of the relationship means we have to shoulder our own desire for Closure, you can't expect to have your efforts reciprocated.  And be forewarned that ending the relationship means contact is best to be ended as well.  Sorry, with BPD you can't string things along as "friends".  It's one of those all or nothing things.