My only concern about the time line is that she is likely to view the gift as a negative (marriage help books). She may have that in her mind when he contacts her in 2 weeks.
I didn't just send her marriage books perhaps i should clarify what was sent. I sent her 3 books (The Excellent Wife , The High Conflict Couple and Let me be a woman)
The excellent wife is a book that goes in hand with the 1 i am reading which is called the exemplary husband i told my wife i was reading this and using it as a guide to become a more biblical husband and learn how to spiritually lead because she firstly told me to read the bible (i previously said i read 2 verses a night this was a mistake i read 2 chapters per night and i am currently in the middle of 1 Samuel to give a context of how far in i am) I pray every night over this situation and have done both of these since she left.
So it made sense to send her the book about being a more biblical wife as well. I previously gifted her the transformed wifes book and created to be his helpmate 2 books from 2 ladies she has high respect and after learning about them further agree with there teachings.
This may not sound like much but i don't usually read books at all i didn't actively sit down and read the bible front to back and learned slowly through sermons / my own readings of different sections so this is the first time comitting to reading which is something my wife wanted me to do. So far i've finished the high conflict couple and i am nearly finished with the exemplary husband.
The high conflict couple was sent because it was suggested on this site as a book that could be sent to someone with BPD without directly naming BPD which may help them and i also read it so i learned about validation and communication skills the idea is if she decides she does want to talk with me we have a foundation of something we have read together and there are activities that can be done as a couple.
Let me be a woman is letters from a mother to her daughter and since my wife has claimed her mother was abusive and not a very good role model i felt it may give her some guidance about biblical womanhood and marriage and what she would expect first hand in early marriage.
These books combined and having direct email of the transformed wife if she wishes to seek biblical counsel further makes me know that later on she could never say she didn't know or didn't have the information avaliable to her especially because all of these people she looked up to and respected. My wife enjoys reading and reads alot of books so she may or may not appreciate or read them but at least she has them if she ever decides to.
The other gifts were a band shirt from 1 of her favourite bands , a music box that had our initials and her birthday date engraved and a bracelet , a necklace from my mother of a kitten (she loves cats) , some bookmarks that were cat themed and a letter i wrote her which i asked to be opened and read after her birthday since it obviously involved the marriage.
do you want to be right, or do you want to save your marriage?
I don't care about being right i would do whatever it takes to fix things and make it up to her because it upsets me that we are in this situation. When she first left i was relieved it took about 2-3 weeks for it to hit me and after the fight and the 30 min stuff and it becoming very real she might not be coming back. I changed my attitude completely and felt devastated and said anything i could to try to get her to communicate with me which she wouldn't do.
Even now i don't care who is right or wrong the only reason i talk about what she's done is its hurtful being treated like this by someone you love and had the idea you would be sharing the rest of your life with to have it pulled away from you without any serious issue is heartbreaking being ignored and stonewalled is extremely painful.
When you talk about irreconcilable difference i don't see any at all in our marriage which is why its so hard for me to understand why this situation has become so destructive. There isn't really anything i cannot see us being able to agree or compromise on even the male friend stuff wasn't a big issue in the grand scheme of things and sure enough if we talks about it i am certain she would of deleted social media or just those male friends if the circumstances were different and she was in a happier mood.
