Secrets

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi All,

As some of you may remember, my partner requested an informal trial separation. I recently discovered she had opened a Chime checking account in her name and began transferring funds into it. I discovered this when I got the mail and saw an envelope from Chime. When I asked her if she was planning on opening one, she lied to my face and said no but I'm able to see that she is withholding money from our shared account her PayPal account (which she doesn't seem to realize I'm attached to as well). I've read that it's generally a bad idea to take this step, which is why I've chosen not to open a checking account of my own, and I believe she's getting bad advice from her sister (whom she refers to as having BPD, which seems right) and her friend/latest boy toy (who she once referred to as having NPD, which also seems right).

New Hampshire follows an equitable approach in divorce proceedings, and I'm concerned about how this might impact our financial matters if we eventually do split. If she proceeds with a divorce, does anybody know if I would be entitled to a fair share of the funds accrued in this account? The issue I'm having is that all of my money can be seen in our shared account and by her withholding her contributions, I'm paying more of our bills, expenses, etc. And now I feel like I should do the same to cover my bases, which I don't want to do. What a mess being in a relationship like this can be. Sigh.

Thank you for any wisdom you can share with me. Much appreciated.

Uncle

[uncleflo]

Hi All,

As some of you may remember, my partner requested an informal trial separation. I recently discovered she had opened a Chime checking account in her name and began transferring funds into it. I discovered this when I got the mail and saw an envelope from Chime. When I asked her if she was planning on opening one, she lied to my face and said no but I'm able to see that she is withholding money from our shared account her PayPal account (which she doesn't seem to realize I'm attached to as well). I've read that it's generally a bad idea to take this step, which is why I've chosen not to open a checking account of my own, and I believe she's getting bad advice from her sister (whom she refers to as having BPD, which seems right) and her friend/latest boy toy (who she once referred to as having NPD, which also seems right).

New Hampshire follows an equitable approach in divorce proceedings, and I'm concerned about how this might impact our financial matters if we eventually do split. If she proceeds with a divorce, does anybody know if I would be entitled to a fair share of the funds accrued in this account? The issue I'm having is that all of my money can be seen in our shared account and by her withholding her contributions, I'm paying more of our bills, expenses, etc. And now I feel like I should do the same to cover my bases, which I don't want to do. What a mess being in a relationship like this can be. Sigh.

Thank you for any wisdom you can share with me. Much appreciated.

Uncle

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Pook075]

Hey Uncle.  I'm no law expert and these are certainly questions for an attorney.  My gut reaction here though is that if she hides money from the court (which you already know about), it will not play out in her favor.  Joint funds are funds earned during marriage...trying to <poorly> hide them does not change that.

Again though, speak with an attorney sooner rather than later since there will likely be some planning involved. The last thing you want to do is get blindsided and not have evidence lined up to support your side of the story.