New to this forum

[Bacon318]

My mother’s rage has me in knots for the last time. I knew I could find folks that were experiencing similar issues. My therapist said I should stop talking to my mother but I have a very hard time with that. She’s very disruptive to my mental well being with all her anger. She had a key made for my house and snoops when I am not home. She says I don’t care about her even though I have spent tons of my time doing things for her and trying to make her happy. It’s never enough.

[Methuen]

Oh Bacon.  I've read this post so many times here (and written it myself) that it made me laugh, even though it's not at all funny.

First thing I would do is pay to have the locks changed.  Nothing else will solve this problem.  Then never ever loan her the new key for any reason, and do not leave it laying anywhere she can find it (or sneak it or steal it) to make another copy.

Because they truly have no boundaries and don't even understand boundaries, they have little awareness that what they are doing is snooping.  When our son (my mother's golden child grandson) joked her that she was snooping (i.e. looking at all our bills and paperwork on one of her unannounced visits to our house), she got VERY OFFENDED:  "I am NOT a snoop!!"  (as she was snooping). 

My mother is also disruptive to my mental well-being.  There's a number of us here on this forum who can relate.  You have plenty of company. She is 88 and lives nearby, but I have moved to LC, which for me is 1X/week.

She says I don’t care about her even though I have spent tons of my time doing things for her and trying to make her happy. It’s never enough.

This is classic. 

My mother’s rage has me in knots for the last time.

What are you thinking of changing?

[TelHill]

Hello Bacon and welcome.

I can relate, too.  My mother has been very domineering and controlling of my life. She doesn't know or care where she ends and I begin. It's like suffocating.

As Methuen says, lock her out of your house. It's a good idea to have a security camera in various areas of your house to keep her honest if she gets in somehow.

BPD is a mental illness. My mom may sound normal though difficult on the surface. It's much more than that. Their need to dominate is relentless, mean spirited and out of touch with reality. It would make anyone in a relationship with them depressed and anxious.

Think of setting some boundaries with your mom. It'll make you feel better to regain some autonomy. You deserve better!