curious

[Parents! Get help here!]

I wonder if anyone has any insight on my question (though, I may be "grasping" at straws; I was cleaning out a closet & found a beautiful scrapbook (had LOVE) on the cover (I know I have never seen this before); i looked through, it was full of pictures of me & my BPD daughter, from at least the past 10 years....(goodness, i was sad, very sad) however, i find it odd that BPD despises me, yet, saved years of pictures; thoughts?

[BPDstinks]

I wonder if anyone has any insight on my question (though, I may be "grasping" at straws; I was cleaning out a closet & found a beautiful scrapbook (had LOVE) on the cover (I know I have never seen this before); i looked through, it was full of pictures of me & my BPD daughter, from at least the past 10 years....(goodness, i was sad, very sad) however, i find it odd that BPD despises me, yet, saved years of pictures; thoughts?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Ourworld]

All I know is that people with BPD have distorted memories, my daughter wanted nothing to do with all old pictures and school albums. When I cleared my house, it broke my heart to just get rid of them finally, I had been lugging the albums around through several moves.

She does care, she just cannot regulate her emotions, and since you are closest to her she blames you for her weaknesses.

Take care, OurWorld

[BPDstinks]

hmmmm...well, i have the album, so...(I know I should get rid of (there is aLOT of her stuff still in the house) I DID pack it up & move it....that is an excellent thought, thank you!  (she told my mother, "she" (mother) i cannot be trusted (I will NEVER wrap my brain around all of this)

[Ourworld]

It is truly heartbreaking BPDStinks,

All we can do is be the best we can be so when and if they re-connect with us they will come back to happiness, love, and acceptance. Can you imagine how heartbroken they must feel to think they have been abused and cannot trust their own mothers! What you must understand and remember is their memories are corrupted and just show love and acceptance as you would if all was normal again. And hope that they will come back to you in their right mind.

If your you and daughter had established a relationship with the Lord, you will meet again in heaven fully restored.
This is what I mean when I talk about trusting the foundation you gave your child.

All will be well, be happy, things could be worse, she could be dead and gone, like my husband who I will never see or talk with again.

Take Care, OurWorld

[BPDstinks]

yes!  I think often, that "THIS" is far better than the "alternative" (there were 3 suicide attempts (that I KNOW of) in 3 years; I appreciate your comforting words & I am very sorry for YOUR loss

[js friend]

I still have Birthday cards, Mothers Day cards etc that udd brought/made for me when she was younger. It is hard for me to part with them as iam such a soppy soul. I have tried believe me.
Before our estrangement udds eldest child would often ask me why udd hated me so much as she began to  pick up on udds tone of voice and attitude towards me.
For me, still having these things has been a great reminder that it hasnt always been this way.

[Ourworld]

Hi Jo friend,

Definitely keep what works for you and you have space for, as long as it brings you comfort and does not make you feel sad or forlorn.
I got rid of most things only last year because I am preparing to go overseas for long-term missionary work.
But I kept several things and could not just throw away her School Years book, so I gave that to my brother to keep in case she ever asks.

Speaking of the little things I kept is an ‘ornament’ with her picture she made for me in Montessori, plus a precious little card she made me as a child. I also kept 16 pictures of her-2 are large I took out of their frames, and I have 3 small that are framed. It’s difficult to get rid of everything! On the card she wrote: “I have always been with you since I was born…and now that I am still with I thank you for your love.”-she was about 6 years old, it’s beautiful, she drew a beautiful flower-she began reading at age 3!

We must hold them in our hearts, but never obsess-this would not be good for you or your child to find out.

I wish you peace and comfort, OurWorld

[BPDstinks]

thank you, for that!  yes, I have all of the cards, etc. though, I still (i know I keep using that word, how one went from "the best Mama in the world" to the demise of her problems and toxic...I had a really great weekend with 2 of my granddaughters & was soooo (exhausted!) busy....i almost felt guilty b/c I did not obsess IS the word over BPD; so, I know it CAN be done