Trying to leave after 13 years

[Happyllama11]

I told my partner today that I don't know if I can continue our relationship. We've been together 13 years, married for 7 and he (42m) was recently diagnosed with BPD, among other mental health issues.

He is begging me for another chance and has only been working on himself in the past 2 months after a very hectic trip to the mental hospital in May after I told him I was tired of the emotional up and down.

I am emotionally burnt out, I feel like he's trying to prove he can do it, but so much time has passed where I've been broken down and over compensated for him that I just don't feel like I have another chance in me to give.

Has anyone else dealt with this? I don't want to get sucked back into another cycle of this, but I do genuinely love him and care about his well being.

Thank you in advance for any support of guidance.

[kells76]

Hello Happyllama11 and

13 years is quite a ride. He was probably showing plenty of BPD-type traits and behaviors even before the diagnosis... that's difficult stuff.

Am I hearing that you're conflicted at some level? When you told him you didn't know if you could continue the relationship, was that because of trying to let him down easy (i.e., you're truly done but trying to soften the blow), or because you truly don't know -- that is, maybe you might stay in it?

No right or wrong answer... just getting a better idea of where you're at.

Has anyone else dealt with this? I don't want to get sucked back into another cycle of this, but I do genuinely love him and care about his well being.

Do you feel powerless about being drawn back in?

[hellosun]

I’m in a similar situation, Happyllama11, and I feel for you.

kells76 has good questions.

And also I’ve found this resource helpful:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=305771.0

I’d be interested to hear what you think about it. To me, it’s a bit harsh to the pwBPD, but I think it has an interesting and potentially helpful strategy.