Trying not to rescue…

[muffinsl]

Sitting just trying not to rescue. I think we have all been here. My daughter is currently stuck somewhere in Houston with her car smoking. It’s 11pm. She chose to drive god knows where. I recently signed the car over to her and she got her own insurance. Big step for me. My goal is not to check my phone till the morning. She has little money as we can not trust her.  I deserve to put my phone away at 9:00 pm and go to bed at night. Typing it out helps me believe it…

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi muffins!
When we walk with a BPD child we lurch from one crisis to another. At some point we have to decide not to be always available for the crisis rescue or that we will respond but not immediately.

I have found my BPD dd has huge intense emotions when something happens, but if I don't rush in, she finds a solution.

I have recently started 'I am not available' at night. DD found a solution to her problem, and I did wonder how much her contact with me was just to get me to send money.

Thinking of you tonight and hope you get some sleep!

[muffinsl]

sancho, thank you for your response. I did not check my phone (⭐️ for me) until the morning and got semi decent sleep actually. You are correct that she found a solution.  I am back to reading “stop walking on eggshells” and it is more helpful the second time around.

[Sancho]

Thanks for letting us know muffins! Pleased to hear that you got some sleep and that DD found a way to deal with it.

I hope it can be the first small steps of a change in direction from the journey you have been on. Small steps is the way to go I think so that a BPD dd or ds can absorb the changes you are making and the changes in themselves ie that if they allow the emotions to settle they can find a way to sort things themselves.

Definitely a gold star!

[Halcyon_days]

This is so helpful to read. My DD is younger but I have been trying my hardest to get out of the mindset that I need to fix everything for her. Like your kids, she generally does find a way to manage on her own. I really do think that i've been enabling her in someways, So this is a real learning process for both of us.