Am I wasting my time

[usagi]

Hi kells,

I'm sad it came to that too.  My individual therapist had an interesting observation that finally clicked for me.  She said that it seems like whenever my partner would get dysregulated and demanding I would respond by putting more effort into things.  It was if I was trying to prove her wrong.  So instead of focusing on actually fixing the relationship I was actually more focused on changing her image of me.  It was kinda messed up.  I also realized that I had checked out of the relationship a long time ago and only really staying for those brief moments when we connected.

I decided to get away from the city for a week.  So I'm off in a smaller town on my own to give myself some space and time to reflect.  Just me and my dog.