Quite BPD after reconnecting acting distant

[BlueSideSpeed]

I'm in a bit of a tough situation and could really use some advice. Recently, I reconnected with my ex, who has Quite borderline personality disorder (BPD). At first, she seemed excited to get back together, though it wasn’t as intense as the honeymoon phase. However, she did mention that she's feeling depressed.Shes a very nice person, until she discards, she act so cold.

The thing is, lately, she's been replying very late to my texts. This is triggering for me because the last time we broke up, this is how it started—she became distant, and eventually, she discarded me by completely ghosting me. I'm scared that history might repeat itself.

I understand she might need space, especially if she's dealing with depression, but I’m terrified that she might ghost me forever again. How should I handle this? How do I respond to her late texts without pushing her away or seeming too needy?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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[once removed]

hey BSS, and

im the same way! that distance has always gotten under my skin.

can you tell us more about the circumstances surrounding the initial breakup? who broke up with whom? why? who made the initial effort to reconnect?

[BlueSideSpeed]

Yeah, sure. At first, when we met, things were more than perfect. She wasn't depressed (though she had been before we met), and everything was great. We never argued—there was love bombing from both sides—until one day, we got more serious, and I kind of triggered her anxiety by saying that she shouldn't be too absorbed in her job to the point where she wouldn't be present in the relationship. She started getting anxious about me leaving her (I didn’t know she had BPD, even though she's my third ex with BPD). Fast forward a few days after this conversation, she left me, saying she needed to focus on herself, and became very cold while I chased her a bit.

After around three months, I reached out again, and we reconnected. But after a few days of reconnecting, she became very distant, so I snapped because I thought she was intentionally being toxic by giving me the silent treatment. At the time, I didn’t understand, even though she told me she had deep depression. Anyway, after I snapped, she became cold and narcissistic. I chased her, but we never talked again.

Another three months passed by, and I reached out again, and we reconnected. After a few days of getting back together, she started giving late replies again, and I feel like the silent treatment is on its way. I don’t know how to react—I don’t want to push her away again. I don’t mind her depressive isolation, but I’m only scared she'll leave. Today, I texted her good morning; she replied. Then I asked her how she’s doing. Five hours passed, and she didn’t reply. I don’t even know how I should react if she does reply.

Note that shes an extremely nice, person, she helps people around her a lot, and shes really good at her job. I never had her lying or cheating or anything.

[once removed]

Today, I texted her good morning; she replied. Then I asked her how she’s doing. Five hours passed, and she didn’t reply. I don’t even know how I should react if she does reply.

two things may help: dial it back, and make it more fun/meaningful/interesting.

it is difficult to tell why she is distant, or if its intentional/directed at you.

the two of you have had a few makeup/breakup cycles. your connection may be tentative and lack trust.

she may be bored of the conversation.

she may be depressed and emotionally distant. that tendency to isolate isnt uncommon (or limited to) with bpd.

but it leaves you with two options, really. you can decide, based on these things, that the relationship isnt for you.

the other is to focus on attracting her. but "attracting her" doesnt necessarily mean "try to win her back/win her attention" (at least not at any cost). it could be that she can feel your anxiety and it feels needy to her. in which case, pulling back a bit can temporarily compensate for that, although if relationship anxiety is something thats gotten the better of you before (it often does for me, and other people with anxious attachment styles), you will need a longer term game plan, tools to manage the anxiety, etc. in a relationship with someone with bpd, who is perpetually insecure, and often acts on it, it takes a rock solid sense of security to navigate.

in the shorter term, it means making the relationship a fun, safe, upbeat thing.

the one thing to do here, is not make matters worse. dont push or chase. if youre gonna make conversation, avoid vague, open ended things like "how are you doing".

[BlueSideSpeed]

Here's a corrected version of your text:

Thanks for your reply; I really appreciate it.
I don’t think she’s bored—our conversations are always fun, and two days ago, she didn’t want to talk to anyone but me. Funny enough, a mood swing happened afterward.

Even today, when I texted her, it was just "Hey, how are you?" I also made a funny comment earlier.
But I also apologized for replying a bit late because I went back to sleep (even though she was the one who replied late first).

The thing is, I’m confused. Some people say to pull back when they do, while others say to stay close and supportive. I don’t know what to do.

Yes! I'm definitely not chasing or double texting or anything, but also Im afraid sometimes that if a couple of days passed and I didn't text her, it might confirm her testing acts that people leave, but I don't know if shes even testing me tbh, cause last breakup I reacted negatively to her silent treatment.

[BlueSideSpeed]

And about the apology that I was late to reply, I know it shows that I'm anxious, but I didn't do it cause I'm anxious, its just some say that u have to be supportive and explain so they don't overthink and start thinking I'm ignoring them.

[BlueSideSpeed]

Thanks for your reply; I really appreciate it.
I don’t think she’s bored—our conversations are always fun, and two days ago, she didn’t want to talk to anyone but me. Funny enough, a mood swing happened afterward.

Even today, when I texted her, it was just "Hey, how are you?" I also made a funny comment earlier.
But I also apologized for replying a bit late because I went back to sleep (even though she was the one who replied late first).

The thing is, I’m confused. Some people say to pull back when they do, while others say to stay close and supportive. I don’t know what to do.

Yes! I'm definitely not chasing or double texting or anything, but also Im afraid sometimes that if a couple of days passed and I didn't text her, it might confirm her testing acts that people leave, but I don't know if shes even testing me tbh, cause last breakup I reacted negatively to her silent treatment.
[/quote]

[BlueSideSpeed]

Actually, she just replied saying she's not doing well and not in a good mood but it's fine. I didn't reply yet.

Please excuse my repetitive posts, I am still new here and I thought I could edit a post.

[once removed]

Actually, she just replied saying she's not doing well and not in a good mood but it's fine. I didn't reply yet.

then i would take her at face value on this. follow her cues.

The thing is, I’m confused. Some people say to pull back when they do, while others say to stay close and supportive. I don’t know what to do.

you can do both. you know her in real life, and you know her best; lean on that, and what she has communicated to you about her preferences (directly or indirectly).

the main thing is not to smother her or push her away. try to avoid sending any contact out of anxiety/neediness/seeking reassurance.

its something of a myth that people with bpd "secretly want to be chased". im sure that someone with bpd has before. weve all done something like it. but people with bpd are just like you and me, only more extreme. theyre turned off if we dont respect ourselves. no one is attracted to weak and clingy. at the same time, people with bpd do best with a strong, consistent, emotional rock (read: not someone emotionless, but someone who can weather the storms without being damaged by them).

a couple of days

a couple of days with no interaction seems like a while. is that historically typical?

[BlueSideSpeed]

then i would take her at face value on this. follow her cues.

you can do both. you know her in real life, and you know her best; lean on that, and what she has communicated to you about her preferences (directly or indirectly).

the main thing is not to smother her or push her away. try to avoid sending any contact out of anxiety/neediness/seeking reassurance.

its something of a myth that people with bpd "secretly want to be chased". im sure that someone with bpd has before. weve all done something like it. but people with bpd are just like you and me, only more extreme. theyre turned off if we dont respect ourselves. no one is attracted to weak and clingy. at the same time, people with bpd do best with a strong, consistent, emotional rock (read: not someone emotionless, but someone who can weather the storms without being damaged by them).

a couple of days with no interaction seems like a while. is that historically typical?

Thanks a lot for your reply, it means a lot! I wanted some help on this matter.

yesterday after she told me she feeling down, I assured her of her feelings and told her I was around if she needed anything. But nobody said anything afterwards.

You're right, but the good part is that I haven't been reaching out with any signs of neediness or anxiety (unlike what I did before when we broke up).
You're also right about the chasing, Im so disgusted of myself because of the previous chasing after we broke up, I don't like it either to be honest, but her breakup was sudden and was a total shock to me. Yes, I do fear her leaving again, but honestly, I'm ready for that, I have one foot out ready to move on if she decides to leave again.

No couple of days is usually a lot, because when we first met, she wasn't depressed, she was extremely clingy, so she wouldnt allow an hour to pass by without reaching out and checking on me. Now we only reconnected for like a week, only one day we didnt talk (I'm assuming today we won't talk either).
When we first reconnected, she was excited a lot but depressed, her energy started going down through out those 7 days. 90% of the time, I'm the one whos reaching out. What do u recommend, I don't wanna always reach out for two reasons, one I don't wanna sound needy, and two from what I know she needs space when quite bpd are feeling down. But also they don't want to feel abandoned. What do u think I should do?
Also, shes doesn't compliment and love bombs like how she used to do when we first met, I mean it has been only a few days since we have reconnected, but I'm wondering if this side of BPD will ever come back?

[jaded7]

Bluesided these text 'scenarios' are very familiar to me, as is your obsessing about what they mean.

I spent a lot of time wondering if I should text her again, not knowing if the text went through (when she hadn't responded for quite literally days), leave her alone (since I was the last one to text). Wondering if she is mad at me, and what could she be mad at me for. Actual worrying about her wellbeing since she is non-communicative, worrying if she is distancing and breaking up.

I never knew, and could never figure it out.

I, apparently, made many mistakes. If I just gave up trying to communicate, and maintaining some self-respect, she'd then text a couple days later and ask to meet and then say "well....what have you been doing, I haven't heard from you". Like....what? I texted you, I emailed you, you never responded. On this occasion her response was "that's because you had an exclamation point in your text!!". So, you see how we went, in a matter of two seconds, from I haven't heard from you to admitting that wasn't true and on to I did hear from you but your communication was offensive to me in some fashion so it doesn't count as hearing from you?

Or, I could text after a period of her ignoring texts and calls, out of the blue again, asking if there was a reason she wasn't communicating, and that resulted in a phone call 7 seconds later blasting me without even saying hello "you need mental health help!!! this feels controlling! this is you, not me!"

It does make you crazy, doesn't it? Damned if you do, damned if you don't. You find yourself trying to not look 'needy', or controlling....but really just wanting to have a normal relationship with normal communication like you do with everyone else. You know in your logical mind that no one can be so busy as to not be able to send a 4 second text, but then you think 'am I asking too much?'

So we end up not acting ourselves, because we are trying to not look a certain way in their eyes.

Onceremoved captured it well: "it is difficult to tell why she is distant, or if its intentional/directed at you. the two of you have had a few makeup/breakup cycles. your connection may be tentative and lack trust."

That leads us to spending a lot of time thinking about what's happening and why. When we know that normal communication is easy. It seems with the cycles you've had, you progress more quickly to the 'end game' stages when you get back....everything is foreshortened. End game stages being the confusing messages and difficult communication, accompanied by wondering what we've done wrong and what is happening ruminations. 

[BlueSideSpeed]

Bluesided these text 'scenarios' are very familiar to me, as is your obsessing about what they mean.

I spent a lot of time wondering if I should text her again, not knowing if the text went through (when she hadn't responded for quite literally days), leave her alone (since I was the last one to text). Wondering if she is mad at me, and what could she be mad at me for. Actual worrying about her wellbeing since she is non-communicative, worrying if she is distancing and breaking up.

I never knew, and could never figure it out.

I, apparently, made many mistakes. If I just gave up trying to communicate, and maintaining some self-respect, she'd then text a couple days later and ask to meet and then say "well....what have you been doing, I haven't heard from you". Like....what? I texted you, I emailed you, you never responded. On this occasion her response was "that's because you had an exclamation point in your text!!". So, you see how we went, in a matter of two seconds, from I haven't heard from you to admitting that wasn't true and on to I did hear from you but your communication was offensive to me in some fashion so it doesn't count as hearing from you?

Or, I could text after a period of her ignoring texts and calls, out of the blue again, asking if there was a reason she wasn't communicating, and that resulted in a phone call 7 seconds later blasting me without even saying hello "you need mental health help!!! this feels controlling! this is you, not me!"

It does make you crazy, doesn't it? Damned if you do, damned if you don't. You find yourself trying to not look 'needy', or controlling....but really just wanting to have a normal relationship with normal communication like you do with everyone else. You know in your logical mind that no one can be so busy as to not be able to send a 4 second text, but then you think 'am I asking too much?'

So we end up not acting ourselves, because we are trying to not look a certain way in their eyes.

Onceremoved captured it well: "it is difficult to tell why she is distant, or if its intentional/directed at you. the two of you have had a few makeup/breakup cycles. your connection may be tentative and lack trust."

That leads us to spending a lot of time thinking about what's happening and why. When we know that normal communication is easy. It seems with the cycles you've had, you progress more quickly to the 'end game' stages when you get back....everything is foreshortened. End game stages being the confusing messages and difficult communication, accompanied by wondering what we've done wrong and what is happening ruminations. 

Thanks Jaded for your response.
So you're saying its almost the end?
Honestly, I'm too tired of this now. This is the 4th borderline that Im having, I'm losing myself honestly it's just too much.
With the impulsive borderlines, I can handle their splitting perfectly, but they keep on breaking boundaries to the point I have to leave this toxicity.

But with this quiet borderline, things were different, she was too loving and too respectful, and it felt like the first time that I had a non-toxic relationship. But I guess that was all in disguise and under the mask..

So you're saying there are no hopes here right?
Btw she just posted her going out with her best friend, so I think its about me and not the depression, cause shes too depressed to talk with me but not with her friends?

[kells76]

Hi BlueSideSpeed and another welcome from me

Couple of things stood out to me:

yesterday after she told me she feeling down, I assured her of her feelings and told her I was around if she needed anything. But nobody said anything afterwards.

Tell me a little more about that - if you're comfortable with it, maybe share the exact back-and-forth, like "she said, I said, she said..."?

Sometimes we can be accidentally invalidating, even when we mean to be supportive, and if so, it wouldn't surprise me if she's taking space for herself (going out with friends) -- it might take her a significant amount of time to come back to a baseline.

...

This also stood out to me:

This is the 4th borderline that Im having, I'm losing myself honestly it's just too much.

What do you think about that? What's your contribution to those situations?

[once removed]

I think its about me and not the depression, cause shes too depressed to talk with me but not with her friends?

if you were depressed, wouldnt it make sense to get out and do something with your best friend?

a best friend is lower pressure, more familiar.

Honestly, I'm too tired of this now.

thats valid. the pace of the relationship may not be for you.

[jaded7]

Thanks Jaded for your response.
So you're saying its almost the end?
Honestly, I'm too tired of this now. This is the 4th borderline that Im having, I'm losing myself honestly it's just too much.
With the impulsive borderlines, I can handle their splitting perfectly, but they keep on breaking boundaries to the point I have to leave this toxicity.

But with this quiet borderline, things were different, she was too loving and too respectful, and it felt like the first time that I had a non-toxic relationship. But I guess that was all in disguise and under the mask..

So you're saying there are no hopes here right?
Btw she just posted her going out with her best friend, so I think its about me and not the depression, cause shes too depressed to talk with me but not with her friends?

I'm not saying there's no hope here, or this is hope. All we can do in these situations is understand them better, if we can, and then
see our mindset/feelings and make decisions from there.

It's helpful to understand the dynamics of these relationships, and then we can make decisions. I've read stories from people here who have been in decades-long relationships and others who have ended them, or had them ended against their wishes.

It's ultimately about us and our self-worth, which comes through understanding ourselves, and the dynamics.

[BlueSideSpeed]

Hi BlueSideSpeed and another welcome from me

Thanks Kells!

Tell me a little more about that - if you're comfortable with it, maybe share the exact back-and-forth, like "she said, I said, she said..."?

Last Friday we were texting, and everything was great, then I had to leave for a few hours and come back. When I came back, she told me she’s not in the mood for anyone, so I said okay Ill leave, she jokingly said ya leave, then she said come back stupid and wanted me to keep talking with her. Anyhow while texting her, I got a phone call from my father asking me to do a resume for a girl that’s trying to find a job, and he was also introducing me to her and see if I was interested, I told my dad no Im not interested and the whole situation was awkward. I went back and texted her what happened and we started making fun of the whole situation.
I think that’s what triggered her, cause similar cases happened before and I noticed she gets triggered if I talk about any girl that showed interest in me, even though I made it verrrrrryyy clear that I wasn’t interested in this girl at all, I was just sharing what happened with me, cause I like sharing stuff with her.

Anyhow after that situation, even though she was laughing it off with me, she started texting slow and replying late, so I left her I knew she didn’t wanna text. At night she said sorry I was in a bad mood, before and she started texting me, but I was outside barely could hardly reply. She was painting to feel better (probably DBT, which is good to know she’s trying)..

Saturday also late replies we barely said anything, and Sunday just hi how are u, she said she’s not well, so I said to her what I mentioned before that its okay and I’m around. Whenever I feel she’s down, I just leave her to heal, I’m not being clingy or pressuring her or anything like I did last time before we broke up again, cause I understand now I guess what’s going on.

...

This also stood out to me:

What do you think about that? What's your contribution to those situations?

1st one was quiet BPD, I wasn’t familiar with quiet bpd, at that time only familiar with the classical impulsive one, she was a colleague, and we spent around two months talking, and she took the first approach. It was weird though, she always disappeared at the weekends and after work. And when I ask her out, she only accepts going out a bit after work. Anyhow after around two months, it turned out not only she has a BF, but she’s living with him.. When I confronted her, she said I never asked… like wth?! Anyhow I wasn't planning anything serious with her, cause I noticed before she’s messed up.

2nd one I stayed with for 8 months, she was the impulsive type. I know very well how to deal with the impulsive type because one of my best friends is one, so I kinda got experience on how to deal with classical BPDs from him (we have been friends for like 12 years, he keeps on changing his friends but not me).
Anyhow I would handle her splitting episodes so easily. But she always broke boundaries, and lied a lottttt!! I couldn’t just take the toxicity anymore so we broke up, she came back several times, but my feelings were dead, cause there was no respect.

3rd one is the one I’m currently talking with. She’s very respectful, decent, fun, etc. Ive not seen any bad from her, aside from leaving me suddenly, but I also get what she goes through now. And it’s hard for me to deal with quiet borderlines, it’s not the same as the classical ones.

4th I met her during the breakup of the 3rd one, she has the classical bpd that she tried to hide from me. She’s very avoidant, way too insecure, I can barely even compliment her that shed feel like I’m extremely close. Too many lies as well, so I didn’t want that honestly, it was gonna be hard for both of us. So I reconnected with the 3rd one again now.

Im an empath mainly I guess that's why I get attracted to them at the beginning and vice versa. But I don't usually put my boundaries down like what empaths mainly do.

[BlueSideSpeed]

if you were depressed, wouldnt it make sense to get out and do something with your best friend?

a best friend is lower pressure, more familiar.

Ya you're right. The thing I'm the anxious type, meaning seeing her trusting others but not me is kinda annoying, but I get it.

thats valid. the pace of the relationship may not be for you.

Not giving up now, I've already been better at dealing with things, but ya if things don't work out, that's my last attempt with her and my last pwBPD.

[BlueSideSpeed]

I'm not saying there's no hope here, or this is hope. All we can do in these situations is understand them better, if we can, and then
see our mindset/feelings and make decisions from there.

It's helpful to understand the dynamics of these relationships, and then we can make decisions. I've read stories from people here who have been in decades-long relationships and others who have ended them, or had them ended against their wishes.

It's ultimately about us and our self-worth, which comes through understanding ourselves, and the dynamics.

Ya I get you, but like I mentioned before she's really not the toxic type at all. I mean I dunno lets see how it goes. One of the quiet BPD that I was talking about before is now engaged or married, I guess to the person she has been with for 4 years. I've seen also fearful avoidants having long-term relationships as well.

[BlueSideSpeed]

But guys for now what do u recommend I would do now?
Yesterday we didn't talk, and Im assuming today also we won't. The last time before we broke up again, she would stay a week or more not reaching out to me. But also that was when I was pressuring her and was too needy and stuff. Not sure if she's also testing me if Im going to be the same this time. Should I stay with no contact until she contacts me, or should I do light contact every few days? I dont know if I already also got discarded btw.

[once removed]

But guys for now what do u recommend I would do now?

you need a long term game plan, and coping tools.

whether you talk or not on a given day, or what you talk about will not be key to getting this relationship on an ideal trajectory. think of it more as a lifestyle change than a particular tactic to test.

I'm the anxious type

its important to understand what this means for you in terms of dating, how you relate to others, as well as your current relationship.

people with an anxious attachment style (i am one) have difficulty trusting (feeling overall safety and security) in relationships. they tend to seek out reassurance, in a variety of different ways, to manage their anxiety. they tend, out of preoccupation, to feel that theyre more invested in the relationship than their partner. they may aggressively pursue reassurance, or they may withdraw to get it, but it can become a battle when it comes to managing that anxiety, and it can be overwhelming and/or confusing for the person on the receiving end.

having an anxious attachment style isnt inherently a bad thing, especially when you understand your style, the style of your prospective (or current) partners, and you have the tools and skills to manage your anxieties, and adapt to other peoples styles.

people with bpd traits, the vast majority, have an insecure/anxious attachment style. this means they too have a deep distrust, and a strong need for reassurance. while a given attachment style is not fixed in place, and can change, these things tend to be more pathological (more ingrained) in someone with bpd traits.

many of us here also present with anxious attachment styles.

the problem that this poses is that a relationship does not have the bandwidth for two needy people. the relationship ultimately becomes a battle/contest over competing needs.

in other words, in order to work, something has to give. someone has to adapt.

the person with the greatest ability to do that in this equation is you. it will take work, trial and effort, but it can take you far, whether this relationship works out or not.

Not sure if she's also testing me if Im going to be the same this time

to the extent that she may be, it is probably not a conscious thing. your relationship has a history and a context. that does not get reset when a relationship reconciles. change, real change, can take time and consistency to stick.

you may be, right now, more invested than she is. certainly, you are more preoccupied with it than she is. this is also not inherently a bad thing (people respond differently to different things, and go at different paces). if you can step back and understand it, you can work with it.

a secure person isnt one who never feels insecure, never worries, never doubts, never needs reassurance; we all need that. theyre someone who can observe their feelings with distance and objectivity, test them with perspective, communicate their needs in a healthy and direct way, understand where their needs may be unrealistic or overbearing for one person, and can cope with and manage their anxieties constructively. a secure approach looks like this:

1. "i feel upset that my partner spent time with someone that isnt me, but i dont take it personally or jump to conclusions."
2. "my partner may not be as invested in this as i am right now. there may be a number of reasons for that - maybe its the baggage of the old relationship, maybe shes preoccupied with other things in her life, maybe shes moving at a different place/slower to warm up. i can adapt to that without overwhelming them, and try investing my energy in attracting them. im optimistic that this can change, but it wont happen over night"
3. "my partner may not be as invested in this as i am right now. im pessimistic that this will change. there may be a number of reasons for that - maybe there was just too much damage done to overcome, maybe we are too different, maybe the timing is wrong; ive made an appropriate effort, but we may just not be the right fit. it will hurt to walk away, but i think its the best move for both of us"

in other words, this is far more about gaining insight and coping skills than about individual tactics.

these would be a great place to dig into:

https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship
https://bpdfamily.com/content/triggering-and-mindfulness-and-wise-mind
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=279028.0  <------understanding our attachment styles in romantic relationships

[BlueSideSpeed]

you need a long term game plan, and coping tools.

Exactly! and like what I mentioned before, for me its usually easy to cope and know how to deal with impulsive borderlines, but with quiet borderlines I haven't figured out a way yet.

From what I read around the internet with various pwBPDs is that when she isolates, let her know that ure around and that u care, but dont push her, or make her feel Im expecting her to be available. Honeslty understanding all of that, make my anxious side on a very low mode, and Ive been much better when it comes to my attachment style.

people with an anxious attachment style (i am one) have difficulty trusting (feeling overall safety and security) in relationships. they tend to seek out reassurance, in a variety of different ways, to manage their anxiety. they tend, out of preoccupation......

Everything u said is spot on!! I agree with it and thanks for providing the links. Ive also read the book "Attached" and been researching much about attachment styles...

Actually, it gets worse on my side, Im not just the anxious type, Im also an avoidant. Im a fearful avoidant leaning more anxious. My avoidant side is very very low, never caused any issues in my relationships. The funny part is, I also used to isolate myself when I was down, but honestly, I rarely ever feel down like that, and I handle my own issues just fine. But Im not borderline, I dont have all the BPD issues.


But from what I concluded again I need to make her feel my presence but not put a burden on her and let her feel Im there for her. Its something like that I summarized from a post on the internet:

Reach Out Gently: Send a brief, calm message expressing your concern and letting her know you're there for her. Keep it simple, like, "Hey, I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing. I'm here if you want to talk."

Acknowledge the Silence: Gently acknowledge that you've noticed the silence but avoid making her feel guilty about it. You could say something like, "I noticed we haven't talked in a few days. I'm here whenever you're ready."

Give Her Space: After reaching out, give her space to respond. She might need time to process her feelings, so avoid sending multiple messages if she doesn’t reply immediately.

Stay Consistent: Show that you care by maintaining your usual routine of support, but don't overwhelm her with constant communication. Consistency is key, but respect her need for space.

Take Care of Yourself: Use this time to focus on your well-being. Engage in activities that make you feel good, and ensure you're emotionally grounded.

Plan for When She Responds: If she does reach out, be ready to listen without judgment. Encourage open communication and try to understand her feelings without pressuring her.

But I dont know what to say without sounding repetitive. Any suggestions? cause my last messages were:
 
"it's okay to feel down, especially with the life pressures.
Give things time.
Im around if u need anything"