Why no impending seperation feelings

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I was reading another post, basically being about being  the member being NC for some time.  I read a reply by Fenghuang that got me thinking that I can relate the pain I'm having now, and soon probably, with what I went through with my experiences during my divorce.

Not only did I file for the divorce, but the stbx-wife tried to destroy the end of my military career through escalating complaints claiming that I was not financially supporting my family.  These complaints finally went to our Congressman, but of course had a record of being unsubstantiated.  Her final bid was to make a complaint to the base's "family advocacy" office, that she had a restraining order, that I was stalking and harassing her, AND that I owned firearms. 

I was victimized by that office.  They never asked for a copy or other verification of her claimed restraining order.  I was read my Miranda rights and ordered to surrender my firearms.  Yes, they can do that in the military.  But I ignored Miranda and an officer and refused the order, because it was an unlawful order based on disinformation.  The ex-wife manipulated the "family advocacy" office, who had at that point established that they were gender biased because they had simply taken her word that she had a restraining order.  Of course there was no restraining order.  Oops.  That's embarrassing.

So now I realize that I'm going through pretty much the same pain as I did then.  The constant drama that isn't my fault, the involvement of outside parties (my uBPDso has involved her adult children and her co-workers) and her continuous stabs at my feelings, such as her taking the kitten when she leaves.

Almost feels like old home week around here.

[frag1911]

I was reading another post, basically being about being  the member being NC for some time.  I read a reply by Fenghuang that got me thinking that I can relate the pain I'm having now, and soon probably, with what I went through with my experiences during my divorce.

Not only did I file for the divorce, but the stbx-wife tried to destroy the end of my military career through escalating complaints claiming that I was not financially supporting my family.  These complaints finally went to our Congressman, but of course had a record of being unsubstantiated.  Her final bid was to make a complaint to the base's "family advocacy" office, that she had a restraining order, that I was stalking and harassing her, AND that I owned firearms. 

I was victimized by that office.  They never asked for a copy or other verification of her claimed restraining order.  I was read my Miranda rights and ordered to surrender my firearms.  Yes, they can do that in the military.  But I ignored Miranda and an officer and refused the order, because it was an unlawful order based on disinformation.  The ex-wife manipulated the "family advocacy" office, who had at that point established that they were gender biased because they had simply taken her word that she had a restraining order.  Of course there was no restraining order.  Oops.  That's embarrassing.

So now I realize that I'm going through pretty much the same pain as I did then.  The constant drama that isn't my fault, the involvement of outside parties (my uBPDso has involved her adult children and her co-workers) and her continuous stabs at my feelings, such as her taking the kitten when she leaves.

Almost feels like old home week around here.

[eeyore]

sorry you are in pain.  To me the assaults that come after are the worst.  Breaking up is hard enough why make it worse by inflicting drama upon everyone else in sight.  So much collateral damage. 

What are you doing to help yourself feel better?

[RecycledNoMore]

The injustice of it all just stinks to put it mildly

[frag1911]

Hi, eeyore.  Now that I've realized that I can compare this pain to that painful time, I know that it comes to an end, which is kinda validating in itself.  You know the old adage, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.  I'm sure that's been used around here a lot. 

One of my emotional abuse group friends, whom I've only ever talked to on the phone (only one actually lives in my state), has mentioned that I seem pretty capable of compartmentalizing my suffering.  When we're talking "away from" the garbage, about anything else like interests, school, family, movies, etc., he says I'm pretty positive, witty and an animated speaker. 

Knowing that I'm studying for a degree in social work, he's asked me to become a cohort in mentoring support groups.  My social work interest isn't about counseling in mental health, but I want to return the help I've gotten to someone else.  Whether it's the abuse, or even being here on this site, I appreciate all of the help and understanding.

[eeyore]

Knowing that I'm studying for a degree in social work, he's asked me to become a cohort in mentoring support groups.  My social work interest isn't about counseling in mental health, but I want to return the help I've gotten to someone else.  Whether it's the abuse, or even being here on this site, I appreciate all of the help and understanding.

That's a great way to deal with it also!  Turn lemons into lemonade!