Maybe This Time is Different because I'm Different?

[UmbrellaBoy]

I was thinking today about how this time felt different, more final, when my ex ended things and cut me off.

Then again, it felt exactly like this the previous time. Maybe he was a bit colder or had gone farther in the devaluation this time, but it was basically the same thing, "It's over forever" etc etc. But then, he came back last time... .

Then I realized that maybe what felt different is me. That I realized (and maybe he knew too) that it wasn't different because he would never change his mind and recycle (he might; he certainly has a pattern of it) but rather because, this time around, I was done doing the sorts of things that enabled it. Maybe he even knew that after this many cycles, there was simply no more denying that this was dysfunctional, and that now that I knew I wouldn't put up with it anymore.

Or maybe he knew that, if he came back this time, I'd have irrefutable evidence that this is some condition. And since he doesn't want to admit that, it has to be over, he's run out of chances or plausible deniability. So maybe the difference is in me!

[Clearmind]

I think you are right UB! Do-overs are never the same. Trust is completely broken with each and every break up – the rebuilding of trust becomes insurmountable.

I know for my ex and I – we never recycled – it was one hit wonder type break up of all break ups. But we both acknowledged that the trust had been broken and it could never be repaired.

For a do-over to be successful and for both parties to move on from past hurt takes an enormous amount of understanding, emotional maturity and communication – none of which exists in the union. Recyles never work unless emotional maturity is dealt with and communication can and does improve. Impossible task? Maybe!

What I can attest to - is that the longer you are out of this relationship, the more your worth will flourish. I now would never in a thousands years date a Borderline. I value my worth way too much that the thought would never cross my mind. I'm allergic to dysfunction - because I have healed from my own issues - I am no longer attracted to it - in fact - I'm repelled.