I called her today, What was I thinking? Not too bad though!

[PDQuick]

I knew that her daughter was home all last week for spring break. The daughter called me on the way home. We made plans to see each other. (She and I have a special relationship. She sees through the crap, and we have become close through the years, she even went to court to testify against her mom on some BS charges years ago)

Anyway, the week came and went, and no call. I called daughter on friday, no return. I called her Sunday, no return. I called her yesterday, no return. I am worried to death right now. So I called the ex. I had to find out if daughter was ok. We had a nice conversation, found out that daughter was ok, just really busy working.

Anyway, we got into the ins and outs, and I asked her if she was happy. She said, just getting through it. I told her that it must be nice having someone to get through it with (new BF) and she said no because it wasnt me. Then she told me about her dad needing surgery..yada..yada..yada. I started feeling uncomfortable, and ended the call with I wish you well and hung up. I felt a little something, but not enough to keep me on the phone. I am afraid, however, that it has set me up for the next re-engagement. Dad is ill, must not be going well with new B/F. I am not proud of calling her, but I am proud that I didnt get flooded with emotions. Am I letting go? I cant help but wonder if I will be OK with this new life.

What do you guys think that she says the new BF isnt me? Is it a setup?

[turtle]

I'd say she's going to call you -- probably sooner than later.  Be ready -- she just wanted to open the door by telling you that.  Glad the daughter's ok and too bad about her Dad, but PDQuick -- don't call her again.  You're doing so well!  Don't let her bs back in.

Turtle

[csandra]

I don't remember how long you were with your partner.  My uNPDstbxh also found disappointment in new gf. 

No, the new partners are never like us because it takes time to get to the point where you can just be yourself.  If you are NPD it's got to be a strain to have to at least appear to be focusing on someone else's needs.

My husband and I were to together more than 20 years and most of them were pretty good.  I was glad that things didn't work out with gf as I am sure that she heard some pretty bad stuff about me and now maybe she wonders if I wasn't so bad afterall.

Now I wish he would find another gf so as to get this divorce finished up.  He still hasn't asked to come back and I wish that he would, just for my own self esteem.  Of course I would say NO WAY.  He is very disgruntled re: my LC. 

Also I understand that NPDs are less likely to want to come back than BPDs.

[PDQuick]

I was with her, off and on, of course, for 13 years. Its a darn shame that they cant change or see that someone truly cared, and they dont respect anything out of you unless you are giving them something, or getting them something. I wish things were different, because we had great potential.

[turtle]

That unrealistic "potential" is a real mother, isn't it.  That idea was what kept me invested for way too long.

Hang in there!

Turtle

[csandra]

We also had great potential and were definitely ON the first 15 years.  Can't believe what he has thrown away... nice home, kids' respect, active adoring extended family, several nice family vacations every year, dinner on the table almost every night, laundry done, family involvement at church, friendly neighbors, daily involvement in kids' lives and REALLY...I'm not all THAT bad...

[PDQuick]

Thanks Turtle, your my rock, or should I say shell

Csandra, thats just it, I am not bad! I did have some issues, some problematic behaviour, but I beleive it was in response to the uncertainty, the drama, all the BS. I am a great guy. I am motivated, I dont drink, no drugs, fairly good looking, and I cook, clean, do anything to help. I am the most understanding and compassionate person, yet, I wasnt even close to good enough. I was a total letdown to her. What does she want? There wasnt anything that I did that was good enough. Why cant they accept you instead of demoralizing you. Thank you for what you can offer, rather than put you down for what you dont. I know that as time went by, I stopped doing alot of things because I didnt do them right, or it wasnt appreciated. It delates your sail, so to speak. I found myself just coming home and zoning out in front of the TV. Now that we are apart, I dont even watch TV. It is so wierd being entangled with these relationships. I was only a tenth of the person that I know I am at the end. Love is supposed to strenghten, not deflate. Love is supposed to lift you up, not crash you in the rocks...Its crazy.

[turtle]

I am a great guy. I am motivated, I dont drink, no drugs, fairly good looking, and I cook, clean, do anything to help. I am the most understanding and compassionate person.

Yet, I wasnt even close to good enough. I was a total letdown to her. What does she want? There wasnt anything that I did that was good enough. Why cant they accept you instead of demoralizing you. Thank you for what you can offer, rather than put you down for what you dont. I know that as time went by, I stopped doing alot of things because I didnt do them right, or it wasnt appreciated. It delates your sail, so to speak. I found myself just coming home and zoning out in front of the TV.

Now that we are apart, I dont even watch TV. It is so wierd being entangled with these relationships. I was only a tenth of the person that I know I am at the end. Love is supposed to strenghten, not deflate. Love is supposed to lift you up, not crash you in the rocks...Its crazy.

PDQuick --

I'll be glad for you when you stop caring what SHE wants.

Please read your own words again. The fact that you were only 1/10 of the person you know that you are speaks volumes.  The words you have written here are very important for you in determining what you want the rest of your life to look like -- and what the future SO of PDQuick should look like.  This is the start of your criteria list -- read it often.

You're in a place now where you can create your own future without the anchor of BPD -- a new start with a better criteria.  Good for you.

Turtle