Why is so SO adverse to contact when she broke up with me?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My ex acts as if speaking with me or any other form of contact is the most incredibly harmful thing that she could ever imagine doing.

Its been 3 months of NC with my exBPD after her disappearing act right after she moved in. Today i received an IM from one of her girl friends (someone who she had recycled many times and, frankly loathed). She called to request that I make available some property of my ex's (I had posted a pic of something on FB of hers that I was going to give away of hers to see if she was stalking me on FB). Sure enough, 2 days later I have my answer.

The entire exchange was like I was talking to a third grader insisting that no one was looking at my FB page (ok, so then who found out that I was going to give the property away?) and that she REALLY didn't want the stuff anyway (ok, so I will throw it away and we can both carry on with our lives, why did you contact me?). I am pretty sure that my ex was helping her to respond to my IM's in real time on the other end given the delays in responses.

She stopped short finally of admitting the obvious that she was stalking me but acknowledged that she DID want her property returned. As my feeling is that I am owed an explanation for her disappearing act (she left without warning while I was away), that she could have her property returned (legally mine now) only upon an explanation on a person to person basis regarding why she did what she did.

Yet; the reaction is as if ANY contact with me would be the most incredibly horrible and painful punishment to which she could be exposed.

Anyone else have this kind of scenario? Why would she go through such significant lengths to prevent contact with me? To the extent of a loss of significantly valuable personal property?

[JRT]

My ex acts as if speaking with me or any other form of contact is the most incredibly harmful thing that she could ever imagine doing.

Its been 3 months of NC with my exBPD after her disappearing act right after she moved in. Today i received an IM from one of her girl friends (someone who she had recycled many times and, frankly loathed). She called to request that I make available some property of my ex's (I had posted a pic of something on FB of hers that I was going to give away of hers to see if she was stalking me on FB). Sure enough, 2 days later I have my answer.

The entire exchange was like I was talking to a third grader insisting that no one was looking at my FB page (ok, so then who found out that I was going to give the property away?) and that she REALLY didn't want the stuff anyway (ok, so I will throw it away and we can both carry on with our lives, why did you contact me?). I am pretty sure that my ex was helping her to respond to my IM's in real time on the other end given the delays in responses.

She stopped short finally of admitting the obvious that she was stalking me but acknowledged that she DID want her property returned. As my feeling is that I am owed an explanation for her disappearing act (she left without warning while I was away), that she could have her property returned (legally mine now) only upon an explanation on a person to person basis regarding why she did what she did.

Yet; the reaction is as if ANY contact with me would be the most incredibly horrible and painful punishment to which she could be exposed.

Anyone else have this kind of scenario? Why would she go through such significant lengths to prevent contact with me? To the extent of a loss of significantly valuable personal property?

[drummerboy]

Yep, exactly the same situation with my ex. She left some important stuff at my place and considering how possessive she was about her stuff, I was amazed that she didn't try to get it back. Didn't even reply to emails about returning her property. I'm in contact with a good friend of hers and she tells me that my ex ties herself in knots avoiding any contact with me. We are both members of a scene that we used to go to together and she has someone go to a gig and tell her if I'm there, if I'm there she doesn't go.

Why do they do this? Well a rational person would avoid someone that they feel they have screwed over, behaved badly towards, but because we are talking about a cluster b who knows why they would go to such lengths to avoid contact. I assume the shame of setting fire to a perfectly good relationship may weigh on her but they are so disordered and erratic that I honestly don't know.

[JRT]

What I find interesting in your and in my case is that they successful enjoin people to support their neurosis. Where yours figures out how to get someone to scope out a gig, mine got her GF to IM me (or maybe it was my ex) but she also was successful in having all of her friends and family block me on FB! What the hell does one have to say about another to have that happen? Do you suspect fireworks if you were to meet your ex? I suspect that meeting mine would end the 'episode' (based on what she has told me after previous recycles).

I am not familiar with a cluster b... .what is that?