Loving the Self Absorbed

This book provides practical ways to understand the narcissist from a non-judgmental point-of-view. A narcissistic partner is forever putting his or her own needs first and is often demeaning, manipulative, controlling, and competitive. After the early stages of a relationship, the non-narcissist is often left questioning their own value.

This book differs from many others on this topic in that it does not demonize the narcissist (while at the same time, not softening the effects of this behavior on others) and it assumes that the reader wants the relationship to continue; in other words, it isn't about leaving (there are other books you can read if this is something you're interested in--this is not one of them).  An important premise of this book is that narcissism is not an all or nothing thing - in fact there is a large spectrum of severity. Brown points out that short of the full-blown NPD - there are more subtle shades of "destructive" narcissistic traits. Within these subtle traits are various sub-types. These insights are very significant as most of us are not dealing with someone suffering from NPD at a clinical level. Many other books tend to focus on only the most severe NPD conditions.

The author reassures you that you are not helpless, and that you needn't give up on your relationship. Instead, the book offers realistic tips on living so that both of your needs are met. The book includes a number of coping mechanisms - some are counter intuitive.

Loving the Self Absorbed provides practical ways to understand the narcissist from a non-judgmental point-of-view. An important premise of this book is that narcissism is not an all or nothing thing - in fact there is a large spectrum of severity. The book reassures you that you are not helpless, and that you needn't give up on your relationship. Instead, the book offers realistic tips on living so that both partners needs are met.

Learn the five types of destructive narcissism and how to recognize their effects on your relationship. Change your 'fantasy' wishes into realistic expectations, create boundaries, listen and respond in a self-caring manner, and learn when to avoid and ignore especially bad behavior. The book teaches you how to stop feeding into a narcissists self-focus with subtle behavior cues such as acting distracted when he or she vies for attention. Ultimately, you will achieve a degree of understanding and separation that will help you see both your partner and yourself in a new light

Brown provides checklists that are very useful in identifying subtle nuanced Behaviors. She also provided checklists to help identify the readers collaborative' behaviors. This does not, however, have the effect of blaming the victim. Rather it provides some clarity on the relationship dynamics that develop.

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Nina W. Brown, EdD, LPC, is a professor and eminent scholar in the Department of Counseling and Human Services at Old Dominion University. Her professional credentials include a doctorate, licensure as a professional counselor ( LPC), national counselor certification ( NCC), and is designated as a fellow by the American Group Psychotherapy Association ( FAGPA). She has additional training in group psychotherapy from the Mid-Atlantic Group Psychotherapy Society (MAGPS) and the American Group Psychotherapy Association (AGPA). Professional involvement at the national/international levels focuses primarily on group counseling and psychotherapy with membership and service activities for the Association for Specialists in Group Work ( ACA), The Society of Group Psychology and Group Psychotherapy ( APA Division 49) and the American Group Psychotherapy Association. She has served, and is serving, in leadership positions for these organizations, and will begin her term as president for the Society of Group Psychology and Group Psychotherapy in January 2012. She has also served as a member of the National Board of Certified Counselors’ ( NBCC) National Counselor’s Examination board.  Her specialty areas are group therapy and narcissism.

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