My husband has been doing therapy for a short while, but doesn't feel like the therapist is "doing" anything, other than being a good listener. I've built up my "validation" bank and have tried not to say anything that could be interpreted as "criticism". He hasn't dysregulated for quite a while--short outbursts, but no out of control dramas. However, he's been consistently grouchy and irritable.
I chose to have a "real" conversation, like I'd have with a non. I mentioned how challenging it was to be glared at, spoken to in an irritable tone and otherwise treated with displaced anger, when he really wasn't angry at me. I told him that it was really frustrating not to have a partner I could count on to lend me a hand with some of the heavy physical work around here. Such as it would be really nice to have someone help me lift something heavy when I was fixing something, rather than have to get creative about how I could accomplish it on my own. And I mentioned that I quit asking him for assistance after the dirty looks, the sighs, the victim stance.
I really appreciate this post and I'm glad you had the courage to stand up to him. I often talk to my pwBPD about how his facial expression is hard to look at it and can he please be a little more cheerful. (Of course we are in LDR so that makes things harder.) My pwBPD also always talks about how "talk therapy" is not helpful to him and he doesn't like "having someone walking around in his head" and how going every week wouldn't be useful to him. I'm glad your husband is going. I'm really looking forward to the day when my pwBPD does DBT and we do couples counseling.
